sex and culture – Page 3

Supervision and Communication Critical to Reducing Teen Sex

Posted on March 5, 2012 by Tori

After again perusing the literature about teen sexual activity, I’ve culled out a few bits of helpful information in list form. These facts may help you as a parent, as you guide your teen:

Most teen sexual activity happens in the boy’s home, the girl’s home, or a friend’s home.
Teens who date earlier, have sex earlier, and have more partners. They also are more likely to contract STDs and get pregnant.
A teen who dates someone 2 years or more older is much more likely to have sex, and get pregnant.
More teens lose their virginity in December and June than other months. (Lack of supervision? Prom?)

And finally, to give you some ideas for positive “action items,”

Teens whose parents monitored them more closely were less likely to become sexually active.
Teens who had more family activities (including family dinners) per week were more likely to abstain from sex.
Teens whose parents communicated the risks of sexual activity and expressed the expectation that their teen would wait, were less likely to have sex.

For more helpful facts about parental influence on teens’ sexual choices, click HERE

Virginity: a Renewed Conversation

Posted on January 25, 2012 by Tori

Pop culture seems to have a renewed obsession with talking about virginity, ranging from incredulity at Tim Tebow’s public commitment to wait until marriage, to a new TV show, Virgin Diaries, devoted to the subject. In an age when it seems like “everybody’s doing it,” voices are being heard more and more, saying “I’m waiting.” In fact, recent research indicates that a surprising number of young people have not been sexually active. “A report issued last year by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics found from 2006-08, 29 percent of women and 27 percent of men ages 15-24 had had no sexual contact with another person, up from 22 percent in 2002.” The article I read referencing that statistic has a couple of quotes from unashamed virgins…one of whom is a young man I met when he attended college with my daughter. Kevin has become a good friend of mine, and I tell his story to students I speak with about the choice to be abstinent. They need to know there really are guys who choose to wait…decent guys…the kind of guy a girl would want to marry some day. In the same article, our program, Amplify Youth Development, even gets a mention, with a quote from our program director about her decision to wait until marriage.

Skin and more on MTV’s hit “Skins”

Posted on March 31, 2011 by Tori

I had heard about “Skins,” a new hit teen show (MTV, Monday night at 9 p.m) that had been accused of bordering on pornographic, and decided to watch it the other night. Your teen may argue that it shows “real” life. My take on it? That may be true IF you take the most ethically challenged, dysfunctional teen behavior, compact it into about 45 minutes, and don’t include a single character who deviates from the moral abyss these teens live in. These high schoolers’ lives revolve around constant sex (gay, bi and heteresexual), drugs, drinking, other risky behaviors, and bad language. So far, there has been rear nudity, but no frontal, and unlike in Britain (where the show originated), the swearing is bleeped out. The adult characters (at least in the episode I watched) are irresponsible buffoons . As I watched, I was filled with sadness at this picture of empty, lost and depressed teens. Life can be SO much better. Even the friendships–some of which are represented as deep–revolve around selfish hedonism. A real friend cares about what happens to you, and would caution against many of the foolish behaviors that are normalized in this show.

I see little worthwhile in this show. If you haven’t drawn the line on TV viewing yet, “Skins” may be a good place to start. To read more, including episode synopses, see this article by Parents Television Council.

Dating Violence Affects Many

Posted on February 15, 2011 by Tori

Part of the story I tell teens in the classroom is that I experienced dating violence in my relationship with my “first love.” Luckily, I recognized that physical aggression was a deal-breaker, and I broke the relationship off.

According to one study, about 12 percent of teens reported being hurt by a teen they were dating, and 9 percent say they were forced to have sex. The thing that stood out most to me in the article, is that more than half of parents have not talked to their teens about this issue. I am actually encouraged that almost half have, of course, but think it’s a good idea to urge ALL parents to include this topic in their conversational “to do” list. Besides talking to our kids, another bit of advice is to “encourage teens to double date to help prevent violence from occurring,” and “know a date’s plans for the evening and the expected return time.”

Teen music = teachable moments galore

Posted on November 19, 2010 by Tori

A major study recently found that “Radio continues to be the medium most often used for music discovery, with 51% of 12-24 year-olds reporting that they “frequently” find out about new music by listening to the radio. Other significant sources include friends (46%), YouTube (31%) and social networking sites (16%).” I have heard from many parents who thought they were doing a pretty good job steering their youngsters away from songs that were morally objectionable, only to hear their pre-teen or teen singing a tune with words that would make your hair curl. He might not even have it on his Ipod, but everyone in school is singing it. And have you ever gotten in the car after your teen has been in it, only to hear hair-raising lyrics issuing loudly from the speakers?

The truth is, most teens haven’t taken the time to analyze what it is they’re hearing and repeating. Case in point: A top song in the last couple months, Love the Way You Lie (Eminem and Rihanna), is a recent #1 hit, and it has QUITE a message. Check out the lyrics here at lyrics.com to see what this song is all about (warning: two uses of the F word). Looking for a teachable moment? use this song, or go to Billboard.com to find another top hit, and see if your teen has heard it. Then have a sit-down to go over the lyrics and the messages in the song. It’s a great way to teach about love, sex, and relationships, without bringing on the uncomfortableness and eye-rolling that a more direct approach might bring! Here are some sample questions to ask:

What messages about love does this song have? Are those message true?
What does it say about sex? Is THAT true?
Is this an example of a good, or bad, relationship? Why?

Whatever you do, hang in there and stay involved in your teen’s life…no one said parenting was easy.

Dirty dancing at MY kid’s school?

Posted on October 31, 2010 by Tori

An article in Education Week says, “It looks like sex, but it’s dancing. It’s called freak dancing, and teenagers of all types are freaking at middle and high school events across the country. And though pairs of grinding pelvises filled the floor at a Valentine’s Day dance at a suburban Washington public high school, it might well have been the tamest freaking on record: The kids stayed dressed and on their feet. At other schools, blanched administrators say, a girl might be on all fours, with one boy’s pelvis pressed into her face and another’s pressed into her bottom. They see boys on their backs with girls spread-eagled over them; girls bent forward with boys’ hips thrust into their backsides. Students know it by different names in different towns: freaking, grinding, jacking, booty dancing, the nasty. They do it to hip-hop and rap.”

After hearing of more and more schools across the nation that are canceling dances, insisting on contracts, writing firm letters home to parents, etc., I am feeling more than a little sick at what our teens are doing at dances these days. As someone with fond memories of high school dances, and the “romance” and fun of acting grown up with a pretty formal gown, a corsage and a handsome date, I am grieved at what is happening at today’s middle and high school dances. And some teens are also pushing back. See what one Colorado teen wrote to her peers in this high school newspaper article.

So, I’m curious. Parents, ask your kids if their friends are doing this kind of dance. Is it true that “everybody’s doing it”? Is this the new normal? I’d love to hear what your kids are telling you.

Fast Facts on Teen Sex

Posted on July 9, 2010 by Tori

When we think of the consequences of teen pregnancy, or getting an STD, or the pain of a breakup, as parents we shudder. It’s perhaps our greatest fear that our precious children will have to deal with such “adult” things. Recently, the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy reported that while most measures of teens’ sexual behavior (like teen pregnancy) declined between 1991 and 2007, in the past two years progress has stalled. The authors wrote that:

Nearly half of all teens have ever had sex. Between 2007 and 2009 the proportion of students who ever had sex essentially remained unchange. [Note: reputable studies put this figure at between 42 and 46 percent].
More than one-third are sexually active–that is, they have had sex in the past three months.
More than 1 in 20 teens were younger than 13 when they first had sex.

We already know from the U.S. Center for Disease Control that as much as 40 percent of all teens have gotten an STD.

A couple weeks ago, Amplify held its first Parent support meeting. We had a great time sharing challenges, discussing strategies, and getting information on how to manage some of the concerns…both big and small…that we face as parents of teens. Check out our website, mylifeamplified.com, and you’ll find a wealth of information, as well as a notice about our upcoming meeting on July 27. Hope to see some of you there.

Is oral sex sex? Teens’ attitudes put them at risk.

Posted on April 26, 2010 by Tori

Our Amplify educators often ask students what exactly they think we’re talking about when we talk about sex. Often, there is debate. You see, teens typically don’t think that oral sex “counts.” A 2007 survey of college students indicated that while 98% consider vaginal intercourse to be sex, only 20% believe the same about oral-genital contact. In 1991, about twice as many people believed oral sex was indeed “having sex.” Of course, our generation remembers President Clinton’s 1998 “I did not have sex with that woman” testimony, so it’s not just teens who have trouble with this concept!

So, is this just semantics? The study concluded that students’ perceptions “may leave them unmindful of its potential health risks.” It suggested that “Sex education programs, which generally focus on penile-vaginal contact, could help STD prevention efforts by explaining the risks associated with oral-genital stimulation….” Since oral sex can spread a majority of the most common STDs (HPV, herpes, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, and HIV to name a few), Amplify makes sure that young people understand these very real risks. Knowing these facts, you, as a parent, can emphasize that abstinence is the healthiest choice if they want to avoid ALL kinds of risky sexual behaviors…oral sex included.

Can’t imagine bringing up oral sex with your teen? If they are older than 13, they probably already know about it. How about something like this? “Gosh, I just read this disturbing article about something risky that teens are doing, and they have no idea what they’re getting into. You know how we’ve talked about sex before…well I hope you understand that even the ‘base’ that comes before ‘home’ put teens at risk for STDs.” Chances are they’ll know what you’re talking about, without the actually having to say “Oral Sex.” You could be slightly bolder and simply say: “I know you wouldn’t do this, but I hope your friends know that mouths spread STDs too….” Of course, if you are the fearless type, you can just jump right in and say it, and when they look squeamish you can say…”What?!….It’s important, so let’s just get over the fact that I said it, OK?”

He’s YOUR son, so who gets the first word on sex?

Posted on April 1, 2010 by Tori

I asked Kevin, a college student I know well (and the kind of guy you’d want to marry your daughter): “What is most likely to “work” in having/starting conversations about sex with a son?” Here’s just one of the bits of advice he gave, with more to follow in future blogs. “First, the conversation definitely needs to happen, and not just once. A boy is going to learn about his sexuality from somewhere. By delaying or even not talking about it at all, you send him off to learn about sexuality from the media (bad), his peers (bad), his friends (usually bad), or through his own personal experimentation (worst). The PARENT should be the first one to talk to them about sex.” And when should that happen? If you as a parent want to be the first to weigh in on the topic (with sons or daughters), it’s best done by middle school, he said. Mom and Dad, if it hasn’t happened, it’s time to get started! If it’s been a while, it’s time to do it again.