One of the things I try to do for for those who have teens in their lives is expose the latest foolish things young people are doing. Most of the time, we catch them and no harm is done other than perhaps yelling an exasperated “What were you THINKING?” But “dusting” is when teens take a can of computer dust cleaner and inhale it, and it can kill the first time. The high it causes can lead to impairment while driving, and several deaths have already been reported due to drivers being high from “dusting.” It’s easy and inexpensive to obtain, and the biggest abusers are eighth graders. A CBS Chicago article describes the trend, pointing out these warning signs: “sudden weight loss, changes in mood, changes in friendships, acting confused and rebellious.”
College Visits and Risky Behaviors
Sometimes I feel like I’m rehashing things many parents already know. But a study has just come out revealing an opportunity I hadn’t thought of for teens to engage in risky behaviors: college visits teens make as they are choosing a college to attend. An article discussing the study, written by SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions), revealed that “…51 percent of teens who reported drinking during the overnight visit said they had done so for the first time. Fifty-two percent of respondents who reported engaging in some type of sexual activity during their visit indicated that they participated in behaviors in which they had not previously engaged.” If I were a parent, and my child said, “A couple of my friends and I are going to visit ____ College next weekend,” I think I might counter, “I’ll be happy to go with you to any of the colleges on our short list…let’s plan a visit to one of those colleges together.” The article has other suggestions for parents and teens considering college visits, so that they leave campus having had a good, safe experience.
Teen Drug and Alcohol Use, the Good and the Bad
It appears that alcohol use and smoking are at historic lows, a great success story, according to the CADCA (Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America). Says CADCA Chairman, Arthur T. Dean, “These data show that when our nation systematically and comprehensively invests the resources to reduce access and availability as well as works to change norms and perceptions we can achieve major reductions in youth use rates. However, our nation needs to focus much more attention and resources on effective prevention strategies to reduce marijuana use and abuse,” said CADCA Chairman and CEO General Arthur T. Dean.
Which brings us to the bad news: Marijuana use (including synthetic marijuana) is up markedly. The CADCA reported in the article that: “In fact, the annual prevalence rates among 8th graders during the past two years are higher than any time since 2003. Also concerning is that the rate of daily marijuana use rose among all three grades, with 1.3 percent of 8th graders, 3.6 percent of 10th graders and 6.6 percent of 12th graders reporting that they smoked marijuana on a daily basis. Among high school seniors, the daily use rate is now at a 30-year-peak level. Not only was marijuana use at greater levels among youth, but attitudes toward drug use, which are often considered indicators of future use, have softened with fewer youth reporting that they see a risk of harm in smoking marijuana.”
Sleep-deprived Teens Engage in Risky Behaviors
Now that school is back in swing, and your teen can’t stay buried under the covers until noon like he might have during the holiday break, is he getting enough sleep? A study of 12,000 teens by the Center for Disease Control found that 7o% of young people are not getting the sleep they need to face the challenges and temptations that come their way . Lack of sleep negatively affects the prefrontal cortex, which in teens is still developing; this is the part of the brain that helps in making good judgments. So teens who are sleep-deprived are not just at risk of performing more poorly in school, they are also more likely to engage in sexual activity and use cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. They were also more likely to report being depressed or suicidal. The takeaway is that they MUST get more sleep; it’s not just important to their performance in school, but in life. The ABC report on this study also gives some great suggestions on helping your kids get a good night’s sleep, bettering their chances of having a better life.
Would We Rather Not Know?
There is a dramatic disconnect between what parents think their own children are doing, and what they are really doing when it comes to alcohol and drugs. For example, while 52% of 10th graders admit to using alcohol and 28% say they’ve used marijuana in the past year, only 10% and 5% of parents, respectively, believe their teens have used these substances. As I’ve written previously, this is true for sexual activity as well…everyone thinks his child is more naive than his peers. Parents do, however, believe that other people’s kids are doing such things.
We need to ask ourselves, “Am I one of those naive parents?” We want to believe in and trust our kids…but even the best kids can make surprisingly stupid choices on occasion. after all, the “wisdom” and “self-control” part of the brain doesn’t mature until the mid-20s. We at least need to be alert, and should look for opportunities to have preemptive talks about these risky choices. The article reporting on these findings also has suggestions for parents.
A Teen’s Date’s Social Circle is Powerful Influence
I call still recall my disbelief when a dad at a parent presentation told me he had not yet met his 13-year-old son’s girlfriend of 3 months. I urged him to get to know this young lady pronto (and wanted to tell him that I thought dating in middle school at all was a bad idea). It seems that I could have also added, “and get to know her social network as well.”
A recent study showed that the friends of a teen’s significant other are more influential with regard to alcohol use that the teen’s own friends or boyfriend/girlfriend. My mind flashed back to the point at which I began to get drunk at parties in high school. It was when I was with my new boyfriend and his friends. When that boyfriend exited the picture (replaced by one who was not a drinker), my drunken episodes ceased. Similarly, when another date used pot, I did as well. Parents, it’s not enough to know your teen’s date; you need to know about their friend-group as well. Asking questions (“So have you made new friends now that you’re dating Alexa? Tell me about them….”) is a good start.
Never Give Up
I am a big reader, and love learning new things. In fact, I have just been reading up on youth and culture for about 3 hours straight. Here are some things I found out:
- Teens are sexting (sending explicit pictures of themselves to their peers) not just because of peer pressure, but because they are exploring what it feels like to be erotically appealing to the opposite sex.
- Parents must be fueling some of the sexualization of girls, because 8-year-olds don’t have money to buy trashy outfits.
- Some people who have previously perused porn unashamedly have concluded, in public forums, that their porn use has affected their ability to desire and appreciate their real life partners.
- After decades of decline, teen substance abuse is up these past three years.
I am feeling a bit depressed right now after all this bad news! Is there a bright side in this seemingly never-ending battle for the hearts and minds of our sons and daughters? Has our culture won the war? Do we throw up our hands in helpless defeat?
No. We can’t. We are parents. We love them, and want to see them have happy, healthy lives. We cannot control their behavior like we could when they were toddlers, but we have a responsibility to be wise guides. In the words of a sage writer: “Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.” In an often broken world, we can continue to point our children to the straight paths…the ones that will take them to the finish line strong in character and healthy in mind and body. It’s our JOB.
No common sense about drinking
Do you ever wonder just how “common” common sense is? We wonder how it is that there is so much obesity among our youth. But all they ever see is super-sized meals. Even I was surprised to hear that a reasonable portion of meat (one that won’t make you gain weight) is about the size of a pack of cards. Young people see adults getting a daily Starbucks, and don’t realize that their part-time income from a fast food job can’t support that level of spending if they also want to save for college. What if we told them that they can make a quality cup of coffee at home for about 25 cents (including creamer and sugar).
And then there’s drinking. A study of 2,544 teens found that “Downing five or more alcoholic drinks nearly every day isn’t seen as a big problem” by 45% of them! Maybe our kids need a reality check. Maybe it’s our job to impart a little common sense. When one in three 8th graders drinks, and one in five teens binge drink, it’s time have a talk. You can start this way: “I know that as you get older, some of your friends [kids in school] are going to drink alcohol…”
Here is more about drinking from Mothers Against Drunk Drivers: Link to Statistics
Skin and more on MTV’s hit “Skins”
I had heard about “Skins,” a new hit teen show (MTV, Monday night at 9 p.m) that had been accused of bordering on pornographic, and decided to watch it the other night. Your teen may argue that it shows “real” life. My take on it? That may be true IF you take the most ethically challenged, dysfunctional teen behavior, compact it into about 45 minutes, and don’t include a single character who deviates from the moral abyss these teens live in. These high schoolers’ lives revolve around constant sex (gay, bi and heteresexual), drugs, drinking, other risky behaviors, and bad language. So far, there has been rear nudity, but no frontal, and unlike in Britain (where the show originated), the swearing is bleeped out. The adult characters (at least in the episode I watched) are irresponsible buffoons . As I watched, I was filled with sadness at this picture of empty, lost and depressed teens. Life can be SO much better. Even the friendships–some of which are represented as deep–revolve around selfish hedonism. A real friend cares about what happens to you, and would caution against many of the foolish behaviors that are normalized in this show.
I see little worthwhile in this show. If you haven’t drawn the line on TV viewing yet, “Skins” may be a good place to start. To read more, including episode synopses, see this article by Parents Television Council.
A Simple Key to Keeping Your Kids Safe
Like many of you, I found it a struggle to have regular family meals during my kids’ teen years. There were softball games to attend, piano lessons, Dad’s out of town business trips, and so on. It was so much easier to just call home and tell the family “you’re on your own; pull out the leftovers.” One thing that we DID do, though, was have a regular (4 or 5 times a week) “family time” later at night. I’m glad that we had those regular times to engage with our children. It turns out that regular family time (and for most families, that’s a family meal together) is STRONGLY connected with better outcomes for teens. An important study that just came out points out that “a child who gets through age 21 without smoking, using illegal drugs or abusing alcohol is virtually certain never to do so….Our surveys have consistently found that the more often children have dinners with their parents, the less likely they are to smoke, drink or use drugs, and that parental engagement fostered around the dinner table is one of the most potent tools to help.” Did you get that? Potent, according to Dictionary.com, means powerful, mighty, having or exercising great power or influence. If you think it’s the gourmet meal that matters, it’s not. If all you can manage is opening a can of chili, throwing on some grated cheese, and slicing up a few apples, that’s OK! The point is to have time to interact, and the study points out that “Three in four teens report that they talk to their parents about what’s going on in their lives during dinner.”