Media – Page 4 – Teen Decision

Teens Freely Use Vulgar Slurs Online

Posted on September 25, 2011 by Tori

Over the years, I have noticed the freedom with which teens seem to use bad language. But what’s happening on Facebook, Twitter and texting has gone way over some very serious lines that our generation would never have tolerated if said in person. Young people are using words like “retard” or “fag” or the “n” word with shocking frequency. According to an article I read, teens find it acceptable to use such derogatory slurs because “people are just trying to be funny or cool” or “people know we don’t mean it.” I don’t know about you, but I was raised by a Dad who would not tolerate racist or demeaning language, and he would challenge anyone–visitors to our home, friends, ANYONE—if they used such words. I have followed in his footsteps.

If your teen is throwing around these words under the impression that it’s how everyone talks, perhaps it’s time for a lesson in civility. And yes, you have the right to see what they are saying on Facebook, Twitter or their phones; if they are using offensive language, a period of time without internet or phone privileges might be very instructive.

Fall TV Shows to Be Aware of

Posted on September 17, 2011 by Tori

Next week, my favorite shows are back for a new season. I admit to being an NCIS and Mentalist fan. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been attracted to who-done-it shows where the bad guys get justice in the end. What shows are your teens excited about? Glee would be a good guess. And on the raunchier end, Jersey Shore. Yep, they’re both back for another season. If your teen is a TV watcher, it would behoove you as a parent to know what he or she is watching, and, more importantly, WHY they are attracted to what they watch. One of my best tips for parents whose kids watch TV (that would be most of them), is to watch WITH them, and discuss what is going on in the show. Here’s a link with the new shows targeted at teens, as well as the returning shows with youth appeal. This link just gives a brief description, with no moral analysis, so it’s up to you to do your homework and know what your children are feeding their hearts and brains.

MTV sees the light…sort of

Posted on June 17, 2011 by Tori

In March I sounded the alarm about an objectionable new show, Skins. Mercifully, it’s been dropped according to the Washington Post. So what other shows might parents hope will meet a similar demise? Jersey Shore, also on MTV, is a good candidate in my mind, but it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere soon. I think the jury is still out on whether the overall impact of MTV’s “16 and Pregnant” and “Teen Mom” is good (showing consequences) or bad (turning wayward teens into celebrities, and normalizing teen pregnancy).

As I’ve said before, concerned parents will handle this in different ways. You might watch shows together and use what you see as a springboard for some great conversation. Or you might exercise a little justifiable censorship (especially with younger teens). If you would like to see MTV or other channels “disappear” from the channel lineup (be prepared for howling and gnashing of teeth), here are links explaining how to do it:

Blocking channels on DirecTV: Instructions here

Blocking channels on Dish: Instructions here

Blocking channels on Comcast: Instructions here

Of course teens can find any show online, legally or illegally, so using internet blocks and insisting that computers be used in public areas are also good ideas.

Skin and more on MTV’s hit “Skins”

Posted on March 31, 2011 by Tori

I had heard about “Skins,” a new hit teen show (MTV, Monday night at 9 p.m) that had been accused of bordering on pornographic, and decided to watch it the other night. Your teen may argue that it shows “real” life. My take on it? That may be true IF you take the most ethically challenged, dysfunctional teen behavior, compact it into about 45 minutes, and don’t include a single character who deviates from the moral abyss these teens live in. These high schoolers’ lives revolve around constant sex (gay, bi and heteresexual), drugs, drinking, other risky behaviors, and bad language. So far, there has been rear nudity, but no frontal, and unlike in Britain (where the show originated), the swearing is bleeped out. The adult characters (at least in the episode I watched) are irresponsible buffoons . As I watched, I was filled with sadness at this picture of empty, lost and depressed teens. Life can be SO much better. Even the friendships–some of which are represented as deep–revolve around selfish hedonism. A real friend cares about what happens to you, and would caution against many of the foolish behaviors that are normalized in this show.

I see little worthwhile in this show. If you haven’t drawn the line on TV viewing yet, “Skins” may be a good place to start. To read more, including episode synopses, see this article by Parents Television Council.

Teen music = teachable moments galore

Posted on November 19, 2010 by Tori

A major study recently found that “Radio continues to be the medium most often used for music discovery, with 51% of 12-24 year-olds reporting that they “frequently” find out about new music by listening to the radio. Other significant sources include friends (46%), YouTube (31%) and social networking sites (16%).” I have heard from many parents who thought they were doing a pretty good job steering their youngsters away from songs that were morally objectionable, only to hear their pre-teen or teen singing a tune with words that would make your hair curl. He might not even have it on his Ipod, but everyone in school is singing it. And have you ever gotten in the car after your teen has been in it, only to hear hair-raising lyrics issuing loudly from the speakers?

The truth is, most teens haven’t taken the time to analyze what it is they’re hearing and repeating. Case in point: A top song in the last couple months, Love the Way You Lie (Eminem and Rihanna), is a recent #1 hit, and it has QUITE a message. Check out the lyrics here at lyrics.com to see what this song is all about (warning: two uses of the F word). Looking for a teachable moment? use this song, or go to Billboard.com to find another top hit, and see if your teen has heard it. Then have a sit-down to go over the lyrics and the messages in the song. It’s a great way to teach about love, sex, and relationships, without bringing on the uncomfortableness and eye-rolling that a more direct approach might bring! Here are some sample questions to ask:

What messages about love does this song have? Are those message true?
What does it say about sex? Is THAT true?
Is this an example of a good, or bad, relationship? Why?

Whatever you do, hang in there and stay involved in your teen’s life…no one said parenting was easy.

A Disturbing Moment in Class

Posted on October 22, 2010 by Tori

Besides writing Amplify’s parent newsletter and blog, I also speak in the classroom to students. Someone asked me the other day about my most “shocking” moment. Right away I recalled something an 8th grade boy said when we were discussing “pressures” to have sex. One of the things that had come up was rape. This young man asked in all sincerity: “Is it still rape if she likes it?” I quickly pushed down the horror that I felt, and calmly answered that if it’s rape, it’s NEVER wanted or enjoyed. I went on to explain that ideas like that probably come into society through the avenue of pornography and other media. We went on to discuss more about the images that young people are seeing, and how they influence ideas on sex and relationships.

Just like that boy had been desensitized about rape, Hollywood has even gone so low as to portray a date rape scene as funny in the 2009 black “humor” movie, “Observe and Report.”

This is as good a time as any to have a talk about rape with your teen, particularly date/acquaintance rape.

How about a definition to start with: “The term acquaintance rape will be defined as being subjected to unwanted sexual intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, or other sexual contact through the use of force or threat of force. Unsuccessful attempts are also subsumed within the term “rape.” Sexual coercion is defined as unwanted sexual intercourse, or any other sexual contact subsequent to the use of menacing verbal pressure or misuse of authority (Koss, 1988).”

What kind of cautionary words should we give our teens? The same wise guidelines for being abstinent will also protect against sexual assault: After the obvious caution about alcohol use, avoid being anywhere all alone, and/or in the dark with anyone of the opposite sex. Even a childhood friend. One of my acquaintance’s daughters was almost raped by the “boy next door” in her own backyard one night, and only just managed to escape. Public places and daylight are a young person’s friends!

Warped Views of Relationships

Posted on September 17, 2010 by Tori

Walt Mueller, expert on youth culture, recently chronicled his thoughts while watching the MTV Video Music Awards on September 12: “One theme that seems to have run through the VMA’s and a load of pop music in recent years is the audience of adoring, objectified women. Did you see Drake and the gallery of girls that served as his background? What are we teaching our girls about what makes them valuable and worthwhile? What are we teaching them about how to relate to men? And what are we teaching our boys about how to treat and relate to a woman?”

These are all good questions. Amplify Youth Development spends a significant amount of time talking with teens about how to recognize, and build, healthy relationships. But adult mentors and role models can do more that we can in a few days. How are you doing in communicating these values to your teen? Do you model what a healthy relationship looks like? We parents know we aren’t perfect, but do they get to see what it looks like to disagree respectfully…and see us make up with an apology to each other when we don’t? Perhaps there are examples of good relationships that you could point out to your teen: “Did you notice how Grandpa and Grandma do the dishes together?” “Deacon Jones talked to the adult Sunday School class about how he and his wife never miss their weekly date.” Meanwhile, on the negative side, what kind of input are they getting from media…and are you taking advantage of the opportunity to discuss the messages of the latest songs, or TV shows? For example, Billboard.com’s #1 song for 7 weeks this summer, Love the Way You Lie, by Eminem, takes the message “love hurts” to an appalling level. After describing the physical abuse in detail, the song says “Maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems. Maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano…All I know is I love you too much to walk away.” It ends with a threat to tie her to the bed and burn the house down. When young people get the message that love that’s REALLY passionate ends up in jealousy, possessiveness and abuse, they are being set up for a very sad set of expectations about what is “normal” in a love relationship.

Twilight Mania…An Opportunity to Talk

Posted on July 15, 2010 by Tori

If you haven’t noticed, young girls (and sometimes their moms too) are caught up in Twilight mania. If you have a daughter, you may want to take the opportunity to discuss this movie and book series’ positive and negative messages about relationships. Even if they haven’t seen it (or aren’t allowed to), they’ve surely heard discussions about it. Here are some questions, and points to consider as you talk to your daughter (and even sons might be interested in why girls are so gaga about the Twilight series)…

Why are girls so crazy about Edward?

He’s perfect, beautiful, has superhuman powers, centers his whole life around Bella….but is this what you can expect from a real guy?

What is the attraction that Edward feels for Bella based on?

Her scent…i.e. a purely physical, intense attraction based on external qualities, not based on character. This is the equivalent of the intense attraction that we call “infatuation” and that is often mistaken for love. It may end in real love, but more often not.

What is admirable about the way Edward treats Bella?

He is willing to sacrifice himself for her, thinks of her welfare first, protects her from danger, and exhibits self-control in that he wants to wait until marriage to have sex.

What is troubling about this relationship?

It’s focused entirely on one another (unhealthy obsession). Their identity is wrapped up in the other person. The attraction is not based on character, sexual tension/attraction is intense in the books AND movies, protectiveness may be controlling (a key indicator in an abusive relationship) in a real-life guy.

What do you think a romantic relationship should be based on if it’s going to last?

Friendship, similar values, forgiving and learning to accept imperfections in the other person. Support of individual growth and development, and independent, unique qualities, etc.

R-rated movies. What’s the big deal?

Posted on June 25, 2010 by Tori

OK…I admit it. I was one of those moms who was pretty strict about what media I allowed my kids to watch. On at least one occasion, one of my daughters elected to read a book at a sleepover rather than watch the offensive movie being shown by her middle-school friends. It turns out my motherly unease was well-founded. USA today reported on a Dartmouth Medical School study that found that almost a quarter of middle-schoolers whose parents let them watch R-rated movies “all the time” had tried a drink without their parents’ knowledge. A mere 3% who were “never allowed” to watch R-rated movies had tried a drink. This joins the already established evidence that watching media with adult content at a young age is connected to early sexual activity. So parents, hold your ground. It’s OK to set limits on what young, immature brains take in. Come to think of it…I’m a bit squeamish about the sex and violence in many R-rated movies myself!