Are idle hands the devil’s tool, or is keeping busy becoming an obstacle to your child’s personal development? These days our children seemed to be grouped in two categories; the over committed students who are involved in every sport and extracurricular activity offered in a 50 mile radius, and the typical student who comes home and vegges on TV and the internet who occasionally peeks their head out to eat or briefly interact with other members of the household when forced. In the midst of all this, whether your child is involved in what is perceived as constructive or wasteful is there enough time being devoted to what truly matters? Do kids get enough time with their parents? Is there enough time devoted to relationship building in the home amongst family?
Teenspot Follow UP
As a follow up to last week’s blog, I hope you had some time to check out the web site Teen Spot and some of the posts that where on there, especially under the teen issues title. The thought that there are actually kids going here for advice is a little scary. Well, let’s face it …it’s real scary. I’m sure that there are a lot of other sites out there as well — some better, some worse. Either way these kids are dealing with a lot of complex issues in their lives and possibly have no one to turn to or nobody they feel comfortable enough with to talk about some of this stuff. By stuff, I mean sex. It’s a tough subject and can be real difficult to tackle. So first off, are we making ourselves approachable and/or accessible? If not, is the computer their only other option? Then the next question is, are we properly equipped to answer the questions they have and give the advice they need to hear without giving them another lecture?
The Internet… Again!
Parents, check out this article (here) called, “How to Keep Kids Safe Online.” It’s a very realistic article, and one that has some good resources and suggestions.
Something to note: the article makes full acknowledgement that truly tech-savvy teens are going to find their way around any filtering or blocking programs you may purchase. They also point out that teens who are going to create trouble on the Internet are most likely also creating trouble elsewhere – so it’s easy to predict.
Please be realistic about your boundaries and expectations. Know that although you may forbid the use of Internet in your home, your teen may choose to access it at school or at a friend’s house. Be communicating with other parents about what your rules are.
If computer use is okay at home, be sure that you are nearby, keeping an eye on what’s going on. It’s okay to set deals, too. I know one father who wouldn’t let his teen create a Facebook account unless she “friended” him once he was on.
Check our earlier post on slang, or visit the Internet Slang Dictionary (they have a translator too) here to get schooled in texting lingo.
Thoughts on Facebook (and Social Networking)
Parents, are you on Facebook? If not, you should be. Or you should join whatever social networking site (Twitter, MySpace, etc.) your teen is on so that you can keep an eye on things.
Please understand, parents, I am not trying to advocate the idea of becoming a 24 hour spy of your teenager. But some savvy is required, if you are really going to keep tabs on what your teen is doing on the internet.
Why do I bring this up? Well, I was talking with a mom the other day who said that she only allowed her 17 year old daughter on Facebook because she knew her password. “That’s great!” I thought. Then I pondered it a bit more. I realized that having the password doesn’t assure mom of much at all. Why? Because the teen in question could form two Facebook identities – and keep one secret from her parents. If she’s not going to restrict her daughter from using Facebook, then joining is what this mom needs to do. That way she can “friend” all of her daughter’s friends, and search out any information she wants. Again, the goal is not to spy, but to keep an eye on things. Teens will post anything – and sometimes don’t think of the consequences.
Other internet tips:
Learn some online texting/chatting lingo, so you know what your teen is saying as you walk by the computer.
Visit popular sites like YouTube on a regular basis to see what’s being posted.
Don’t let them have a computer in their room where you can’t watch them.
Check your computer’s history (and the Recycle Bin on the desktop) regularly. If it’s recently been deleted or emptied, be suspicious!
In our parent workshop Home Connections packet, we have an internet contract. Think about writing one with your teen to set some limits for the net!
Do you know where your children are?
The world wide web equals access to the world. It also means the world has access to you. And your kids. Yet children online can be sitting “safely” in your living room, so why worry about them? A new study conducted by Harris Interactive reveals that parents may be turning a blind eye to their children’s internet use. For instance, parents estimate that their children spend 2 hours a week on the internet, but children report spending 10 times that (20 hours).
Two helpful pointers for parents:
- Move the computer into a part of the house that is easily monitored,
- and ask your child to show you his or her favorite sites.
Being involved will equip you to step in as a parent should any unsafe situations arise.
MOS TTYL
The Center for Parent/Youth Understanding, which I have posted about before, came out with another great resource:
A dictionary of the most popular text and chat acronyms!
Find out what your children are saying… and post ones that you know of that might not be on the list!
Becoming a media-savvy parent
I found this helpful link in the newsletter of the Center for Parent and Youth Understanding.
The link will take you to six great tips for getting to know the media that your children are most likely already familiar with. Two things to keep in mind: today’s media can be dangerous or unhealthy when misunderstood or misused; a parent’s job is to do more than shelter a child from media. Parenting involves teaching children how to use media safely. As you learn to use different forms of media, you can guide your child to also use media wisely and safely.
The profit of porn…
Did you know…
- Up to $12 billion in the US, $57 billion worldwide, is spent on porn each year?
- More money is spent on porn than the combined revenues of professional football, basketball and baseball.
- It is more money than CBS, NBC and ABC combined.
- More money than all the revenues generated by rock and country music.
- More money than America spent on Broadway productions, theater, ballet, jazz and classical music combined.
If you haven’t already addressed the issue of pornography with your teenager, take steps now to protect your child from this industry.
(Information from here.)
Dangerously free speech
In 2005, Professor Chyng Sun of New York University wrote this following her research on pornography:
Most of the women and men I interviewed first watched pornography in their early teens or even younger. In other words, pornography is sex education.
As parents, it is crucial that we are aware of the impact that pornography has on our children. For many, this also means examining the impact that pornography has had on our own understanding of sexuality. Sun goes on to say:
Pornography and a pornographic culture also affect “consensual sex,” sexual identities and relationships. In my interviews, it was painful to hear how both teenage boys and girls feel pressured to have lots of sex, often emotionally detached, at a younger and younger age; and how so many young women feel obligated to please men sexually because they believed that it was their role as a woman. A 20-year-old female college student thought back to her teen years and said that often she felt that her body was not hers but was for others to look at and gain pleasure from.
It is also alarming that many young men and boys have watched a lot of pornography before they have opportunities for sexual intimacy. Some developed a fear of women when they found that real women’s bodies were not as smooth and shaven and that real sex was nothing like sex depicted in pornography. It is clear that pornography not only hurts women but also hurts men on many different levels.
A healthy, mutually fulfilling, holistic understanding of sexuality stands in direct contrast to what is encouraged and portrayed by pornography. Parents, it is up to you to make sure that you are shaping your child’s understanding of sex and not leaving it up to pornography.
Recommended Resource
Is teenage culture a mystery to you? Can you decipher your son’s text messages? Have you even heard of the bands on your daughter’s amazon.com wishlist?
The world our teens live in changes as rapidly as if we were driving through it on a European bullet train.
For help keeping in touch, check out The Center for Parent/Youth Understanding.