I could have used the advice in this short article when navigating how to be a Facebook friend to my daughters. I’ve made a few mistakes mentioned there, like tagging my daughter in pictures, not realizing they then automatically appear in her profile. I also have had comments removed before…though I’m not entirely sure what my offense was. In my defense, I did wait for my daughter’s last boyfriend to friend ME, rather than friending him first. So parents, do you have the courage to find out what blunders you’ve already made, and how to keep in the loop by being a good Facebook friend?
MTV sees the light…sort of
In March I sounded the alarm about an objectionable new show, Skins. Mercifully, it’s been dropped according to the Washington Post. So what other shows might parents hope will meet a similar demise? Jersey Shore, also on MTV, is a good candidate in my mind, but it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere soon. I think the jury is still out on whether the overall impact of MTV’s “16 and Pregnant” and “Teen Mom” is good (showing consequences) or bad (turning wayward teens into celebrities, and normalizing teen pregnancy).
As I’ve said before, concerned parents will handle this in different ways. You might watch shows together and use what you see as a springboard for some great conversation. Or you might exercise a little justifiable censorship (especially with younger teens). If you would like to see MTV or other channels “disappear” from the channel lineup (be prepared for howling and gnashing of teeth), here are links explaining how to do it:
Blocking channels on DirecTV: Instructions here
Blocking channels on Dish: Instructions here
Blocking channels on Comcast: Instructions here
Of course teens can find any show online, legally or illegally, so using internet blocks and insisting that computers be used in public areas are also good ideas.
Social Networking Site, Formspring, a Concern
Twice this past month I have had teens tell me about a new website they are using, called Formspring. In the first class where it came up, the teens basically told me that I wouldn’t want to go there (presumably since I am an abstinence speaker), because people put sexy pictures of themselves up for comment. Then, last week another student mentioned how people can comment anonymously on your pictures, or on your life, on your Formspring. Hmmm. This seems fraught with danger to me. Indeed, I did a little research, and found some more information for you to read in this article. The article points out that this six month old website “invites users age 13 and over to pose questions (or comments) to account-holders without identifying themselves. It also invites everything from unkind remarks to sexual harassment to cyber-bullying, critics say.”
So you Want to Be on Facebook…
I am now running into middle schoolers who want to Friend me on Facebook. I find myself wondering, “Is it safe for them?” We’ve all heard about predators trolling for young boys and girls to lure away for evil purposes. First of all, you have extensive rights as a parent if your child is under 13. To begin with, they are not supposed to have a Facebook account at all if they are under 13. BUT, if your child is 13 and older, your ability to get Facebook to act is quite limited. That said, Facebook does treat 13 to 18-year-olds differently than adults. One reassuring bit of information I found is that “Minors do not have public search listings created for them when they sign up for Facebook, meaning their accounts cannot be found on general search engines outside of Facebook.”
For the caring and involved parent (which all of you are), there’s a GREAT resource that includes information as well as ideas on how to talk to your kids about Facebook safety and privacy. Once you’re armed with the knowledge you’ll find on the site, have a sit-down with your son or daughter to talk about the responsibility that comes with the privilege of using social networking sites. Help them choose privacy settings, and, if they are too young, don’t be afraid to say, “not yet.”
Cyberbullying: Time to Step In?
Today a teen I mentor was talking about how one of the cheerleaders on her team had quit, because of bullying by another student. The coach had a talk with the whole team, but targeted the offender by saying “You know who you are.” I was glad to hear that the teacher made a firm stand, saying she wouldn’t tolerate any more abusive behavior. But adults don’t always know about all the bullying that goes on. Indeed, the worst of it may be happening in cyberspace.
Cyberbullying has become such a rampant problem, that some parents are learning to navigate the social networking world of teens, and finding out how to address serious offenses against their children. One boy was so depressed, that his mother persisted in asking him about his feelings, finally discovering that someone had stolen his identity, made a Facebook page in his name, and used it to post comments that alienated all his friends and classmates. The story of this mom, and an extensive discussion of cyberbullying can be found in a fascinating and informative article in the December 4 issue of the New York Times, which can be found on their website under the headline: “As Bullies Go Digital, Parents Play Catch-Up.”
Internet Use: How much is too much?
As someone with a love of the printed book, I often lament this generation’s lack of interest in thoughtful reading. Indeed, many of us seem to have traded a bookmark for a mouse. Knowledge of world events, politics, religion, you name it, seems to be lacking in the mental repository of teens today. But it appears that may not be the only effect of the internet on young people. A recent study is one of several connecting heavy internet use with the development of depression in youth. How much it too much? I leave that up to you as a parent to decide. The study found that at 5 hours or more per day, there was a significant effect, although the authors were not able to say that internet use itself caused depression. In fact, there was some speculation that it could be a lack of sleep among those who spend so much of their free time on the internet.
When we discovered that our then high schooler was Instant Messaging (today, it would probably be texting) into the wee hours of the morning with friends, we pondered what we could do. We did not allow a computer in the bedroom, but this child was going down to the family room late at night when we were asleep. We weren’t fond of the idea of policing the house late at night when we’d rather be sleeping, so we found a fairly simple solution. Our house has wireless internet, and we put the internet router, which is in our bedroom, on a simple timer! Then we informed our children that homework better be done by 11:00, because that’s when the internet went off for the night.
If you are troubled by the amount of time your teen spends online, whether on social network sites, gaming, or even watching TV reruns, you may have to come up with a creative solution like we did. But after all these years as a parent, I believe that you can figure out a way to channel your child’s time into a healthy range of broader pursuits. Let’s prove that we parents are smarter than they think!
Clues teens give that they intend to have sex
When my daughters were younger teens, my husband and I had to play “technology catch-up” when we discovered our daughters were instant messaging, sometimes at the expense of homework and into the wee hours of the morning. And sometimes it was with boys. These days, they are more likely to use Facebook to connect with their peers, but back then it was MySpace. We insisted that we have the right to see what they were posting on MySpace, since we’d heard scary stories of predatory adults using the site…plus we cared about how our children were portraying themselves. Were we right to be concerned? Research seems to indicate that teens do, indeed, reveal a lot about themselves online that parents may not know. A recent study showed that “For parents wondering when they should talk to their children about sex, the writing may be on the wall — or on their child’s Facebook page. New research suggests that display of sexual references on teens’ Facebook profiles is associated with their intention to initiate intercourse.” Now my daughters are on Facebook…and so am I. In fact, the fastest growing group of Facebook users are those in our age bracket. I did “friend” my daughters…and they accepted. I am pleased to report that, at least on Facebook, they seem to be behaving themselves. It might be time to make sure your kids are behaving themselves as well. And some parents put limits on what sites you allow your teens on, and what memberships they are allowed to have. Whatever you decide, make sure you at least ask them to let you see, on a regular basis, what they are posting.
A Hand Up
“I told him I wanted him to make the decision himself not to go there,” a parent told me recently after she’d caught her son looking at porn online. But then she added (perhaps those parental instincts kicking in)… “But is that expecting too much? Should I get blocking software?” In a word, yes. It’s that age-old dilemma: When do we as a parent step in…and when do we let them decide, knowing that part of choosing means making mistakes? After reading “Wired for Intimacy” by William Struthers, I’d say this is one of those times we need to give the poor guy a hand up. And hey, girls can be affected by pornography too…so let’s not make it harder for them than it needs to be. What we open the door to in our homes IS something we can control.
Safety Mode
As parent, I have been concerned for some time about some of the material that teens can find on YouTube; postings with sex, nudity, pornographic images and violence just to name a few.
I am so thankful to learn that YouTube now has a parental control that enables parents to block their children from viewing such videos; this feature is called Safety Mode.
Go to this link to read all about it.
Source: CBS Early Show.com
Mixed Messages
Trying to protect our kids is always a main concern for a parent. We want to keep them safe in all aspects of their lives. So when it comes to the media, this can be tough. Our kids are exposed to all kinds of messages: billboards, music, TV, movies…..the list can go on and on.
With the recent release of the “Twilight” sequel, I want parents to have a heads up to what their child may be watching. To be equipped with the right tools for the job. Now without seeing the movie I don’t have an opinion on it, but I have heard there is some confusing messages in it. This is always a great opportunity to talk with your child about what he or she thinks and feels. These are a few good sites to visit and receive info and reviews on the stuff our kids are into. If you are not watching what they are, you can get the facts about it. Check it out!
http://www.commonsensemedia.org