Recently, a 13-year-old student told me in a note: “I really don’t agree about not having sex…but what you said about pornography is true, because I’m addicted.” I had described the role of certain brain chemicals activated through viewing porn, and the potential for regular viewers to become addicted. Besides the obvious connection between pornography addiction and attitudes about engaging in premarital sex, there is also the misery of living with an addiction, and the inability to live a free life. A recent study discussed in The Sunday News reported that “scans showed that a central portion of the brain which is stimulated in drug or alcohol addicts also ‘lit up’ when compulsive pornography users watched explicit material. There was no such effect in the brains of people who were not habitual users of porn.” The article went on to suggest that studies such as this might lead to greater pressure on societies to tighten controls on pornography.
Getting Rid of Unwanted Facebook Photos
Aren’t you glad that the stupid things you did as a teen didn’t get chronicled in full “glory” on the internet for all the world to see? I have to have some compassion for this generation of teens. One stupid move, and a “friend” captures a picture of some indiscreet moment. It’s amazing what peer pressure or a dare, or the brain on hormones, can accomplish!
Perhaps you see an embarrassing Facebook (or Instagram, Flickr, etc.) picture of your teen showing a terrific lapse of judgment. Or maybe your teen comes to you and tells you there is a compromising or damaging picture of him or her posted on someone’s Facebook. Your horrified child would do anything to be able to go back in time and undo that moment. How can you help?
The truth is, you might not be able to erase that embarrassing picture, but there are things you can do to minimize the damage. My internet service provider posted a great article on how to combat these unwanted pictures. For example, the article suggests: “In the [Facebook] privacy settings under How Tags Work, the ‘profile review’ setting allows you to review and approve every tag before it goes on your page. If you don’t approve a tag, the photo will still be live, it just won’t link to your page. You can also exclude some people from seeing the tag.” As a parent, first we should insist that we be allowed to “friend” our child so we can keep tabs on our child’s online “presence.” Then, we would do well to read some of the other suggestions in Comcast’s helpful article.
Do Predators or Stalkers Know Where Your Teen Is Based on Uploaded Pictures?
This isn’t new information, apparently, but it was new to me, and I thought it might be new to you. One of the dangers of a smartphone resides in its ability to track where you are at any time, AND to provide that information within pictures you you or your teen take and post. An informative news station video explains this, and cautions parents about taking pictures of their children as well…pictures that end up online and come with information about where your child lives (down to even the location of his or her bedroom) and hangs out. A website alerting people to the intrusion of privacy, “Icanstalkyou.com,” tells how to keep from geotagging photographs you take on your phone.
Sexual Pics Reposted
This article from TechCrunch reveals a phenomenon that isn’t all that surprising, although it is something that I am sure we all hoped wouldn’t happen to such an extent. Sexual pics, including those teens take of themselves, are reposted. Of course, that’s what we all feared would happen and was one of the reasons we told teens not to take such pictures in the first place…but was there any evidence that it was actually happening?
Now, the Internet Watch Foundation has given that evidence. Up to 88% of teens’ sexual pictures are reposted by “parasite websites,” even if the original picture was in a “safe” place. Teens may feel a false sense of security when they share an image via a social network that they think is secure, but once a digital image exists, in can be nearly impossible to erase entirely. So whether or not you have already discussed the dangers with your teen, talk to them again about protecting themselves by never taking sexual pictures in the first place. There is simply no safe way to take, store, or share such images!
And one more thing to keep in mind and discuss with your teen — why? Why take such pictures? The two main reasons that come to mind are peer pressure and the desire to be cool (as defined by a culture rife with pornography). So when you talk to your child, make sure they understand that no one, not even a boyfriend or girlfriend, should ask them to take sexual pictures. If someone asks them to do so, report it to an adult. And if they think it is cool, help them to understand that sexuality is not a tool to be used for fortune, fame or respect. That might be difficult in today’s age, but we must stop defining people by their sexuality and start holding up role models who exemplify something other than sexual appeal or prowess.
Many Celebrity Searches Lead to Bad Sites
Emma Watson, Selena Gomez, Jessica Biel. Besides being celebrities, they also share the distinction of being in the top 10 celebrity searches that lead people to dangerous websites. According to a McAffee report, “Cybercriminals follow the latest trends, often using the names of popular celebrities to lure people to sites that are actually laden with malicious software that are designed to steal passwords and personal information. Anyone looking for the latest videos or files to download could end up with a malware-ridden computer along with the trendy content. This year, searching for a celebrity name with ‘free downloads’ and ‘nude pictures’ as part of the search term resulted in the highest result of risky sites.”
So, it’s time for a little parental instruction so your teens can be careful as they surf the web. If you’ve been wondering why the computer is going so slow lately, this could explain it. You can clear your computer of malware by downloading free security software. Since downloads themselves can be malicious, a good way to be sure you find safe software is to go to CNET.com (LINK HERE) for safe download links. In fact, the most popular link, at the top right column, is the free security software that our family uses…AVG.
Teens Viewing Porn. What’s the Harm?
“As long as you don’t hurt anybody….” That’s usually the answer these days when someone challenges a behavior that used to be considered “immoral.” But isn’t morality an outdated concept? Interestingly, 70% of people viewing porn consider their activities “secret” according to an MSNBC study. Psychology Today reveals that this may be because “Porn appears to bathe our brains in neurochemicals that lead to shame.” With 45% of teens saying “their friends” (ahem…maybe themselves?) view porn, there’s a lot of shame going around.
Even if one removes morality out of the picture (although I don’t advocate that!), there IS still reason to combat the use of porn in our culture. Take a look at this helpful graphic from fightthenewdrug.org displaying the harm porn can cause. Because the youthful, still-forming brain is especially susceptible to porn, people are getting addicted at younger and younger ages. And sometimes those addictions bear rotten fruit, if not now, then down the road. Most of us know someone who has lost a job, lost a marriage, or even faced financial ruin because of his or her porn addiction. Many adults whose lives have been destroyed by a porn addiction would warn teens to not let it get a foothold.
The science is there. Porn messes with our brains. And it messes up our relationships. Fightthenewdrug.org looks at the harmfulness of pornography from a scientific as well as a social and emotional perspective. If you are concerned about your teen (or yourself or a spouse), you can find helpful information under the tab on their site entitled “Resources.”
How Teens Hide Online Behavior and Parents Trust Too Much
A 2012 McAfee study showed that 70% of teens admit to hiding their online behavior from parents, compared to just 45% two years earlier. Meanwhile, almost 3/4 of parents (dare I say naive parents) say they trust their children not to access inappropriate content. With the consequences including emotional harm and dangerous and even illegal activities, it’s time we put the necessary effort into becoming tech savvy. So let’s allow the teens to tell us how they’re hiding what they’re doing (from McAfee.com):
- Clearing the browser history (53%)
- Close/minimize browser when parent walked in (46%)
- Hide or delete IMs or videos (34%)
- Lie or omit details about online activities (23%)
- Use a computer your parents don’t check (23%)
- Use an internet-enabled mobile device (21%)
- Use privacy settings to make certain content viewable only by friends (20%)
- Use private browsing modes (20%)
- Create private email address unknown to parents (15%)
- Create duplicate/fake social network profiles (9%)
Video Chat. Safe for Teens?
I can still remember being behind the times when one of my daughters began to communicate with a boy into the wee hours on the internet many years ago. I didn’t realize it was happening, and that quite a relationship had developed even before they had officially begun to date. He turned out to be a good guy, but I became much more saavy about technology after that.
The latest buzz I’m hearing from teens, is that they are increasingly using video chat with each other. A recent study showed that 37% of teens are using video chat of some kind, and 27% record and upload video. A PC Magazine online article written about this phenomenon can bring you up to speed so you are an informed parent. The article also shares some advice from ZoneAlarm [a security software vendor] that you might want to pass along to your discuss with your son or daughter: “First, any time you upload a video, mark it private and share the URL only with friends. Don’t attach too-personal information like your full name, address, or date of birth to videos. Always run up-to-date antivirus software. And avoid downloading alleged video software from unknown sites, as these can contain malware.”
Learning Foolishness via YouTube
An article by Dr. Claire McCarthy points out that YouTube “multiplies the peer effect” when it comes to learning new, and sometimes risky, behaviors from other teens. When we parents think of peer pressure we often think of the specific social group a teen belongs to, or the culture in our child’s school. That’s a mistake, according to Dr. McCarthy, who says that with the internet, peers “becomes the whole wide world.” And that makes parenting even harder for moms and dads today. Some of the things that teens can research on YouTube are downright dangerous, like the (not new) “choking” game, which she discusses in the article. Her advice is the same I’ve often given…talk to them.
Signs of Trouble in Facebook Posts
After I wrote about Facebook etiquette last week, a reader sent us a link to a great article that I just had to share. This article alerts us to “10 Scary Facebook Status Updates” that might indicate our child is in trouble, emotionally or socially. We know that “drama” could be our teen’s middle name at times, but there are some comments that we need to take seriously…and explore what is behind them.