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Is oral sex sex? Teens’ attitudes put them at risk.

Posted on by Tori

Our Amplify educators often ask students what exactly they think we’re talking about when we talk about sex.  Often, there is debate.  You see, teens typically don’t think that oral sex “counts.”   A 2007 survey of college students indicated that while 98% consider vaginal intercourse to be sex, only 20% believe the same about oral-genital contact.  In 1991, about twice as many people believed oral sex was indeed “having sex.”  Of course, our  generation remembers President Clinton’s 1998 “I did not have sex with that woman” testimony, so it’s not just teens who have trouble with this concept!

So, is this just semantics?  The study concluded that students’ perceptions “may leave them unmindful of its potential health risks.”  It suggested that “Sex education programs, which generally focus on penile-vaginal contact, could help STD prevention efforts by explaining the risks associated with oral-genital stimulation….”  Since oral sex can spread a majority of the most common STDs (HPV, herpes, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, and HIV to name a few), Amplify makes sure that young people understand these very real risks.  Knowing these facts, you, as a parent, can emphasize that abstinence is the healthiest choice if they want to avoid ALL kinds of risky sexual behaviors…oral sex included.

Can’t imagine bringing up oral sex with your teen?  If they are older than 13, they probably already know about it.  How about something like this?  “Gosh, I just read this disturbing article about something risky that teens are doing, and they have no idea what they’re getting into. You know how we’ve talked about sex before…well I hope you understand that even the ‘base’ that comes before ‘home’ put teens at risk for STDs.”  Chances are they’ll know what you’re talking about, without the actually having to say “Oral Sex.”  You could be slightly bolder and simply say:  “I know you wouldn’t do this, but I hope your friends know that mouths spread STDs too….”  Of course, if you are the fearless type, you can just jump right in and say it, and when they look squeamish you can say…”What?!….It’s important, so let’s just get over the fact that I said it, OK?”

Remember Seventeen magazine?

Posted on by Tori

At a recent parent workshop, I brought up how important it is to know what our teens are reading, listening to, and watching.  I commented that top-selling Seventeen Magazine isn’t the same as when WE read it as teens.  A woman in the audience who is raising a 15-year old granddaughter said, “Oh no…I just bought a 3-year subscription!”  I suggested these possible courses of action:  1) cancel the subscription, explain why, and promise a subscription to a less sex-saturated publication; 2) discuss with her teen the articles in the magazine that promoted or assumed sexual activity between teens; or 3) preview and remove the offending articles.  A middle school  teacher’s review of Seventeen on Epinions shows why Seventeen needs a second look.

It’s too bad for me that I didn’t read the reviews before I subscribed to this magazine for my classroom. Most magazines today use sex to sell but I didn’t think it would filter into such a well-known publication that has for years been read and loved by teens; but it has. In fact, this magazine has so many sex related articles that I have yanked it from my rack and toss it away monthly….That’s too bad too, because some of the material in the magazine is just what it should be, fashion and light articles that teen girls like to read. When the boys in class seemed to be the first to grab and read it I should have been clued in but it wasn’t until one of my more responsible students brought up the copy about blow jobs (not even called felatio) and said they didn’t think this magazine was a very good one for them to be able to read, that I began checking it out and decided that it probably wasn’t a good magazine for them to be reading or for me to be subscribing to. Since its title is, “Seventeen,” I assumed that it would be appropriate for girls in the teen range. It used to be one of the publications that the school library carried. I have since checked with my librarian and she said she stopped subscriptions to it last year.

STD becoming a “superbug”

Posted on by Tori

Those of you who have been to our parent workshop were probably shocked to find out that 1 in 4 sexually active teens has an STD by the time they graduate high school.  We try to keep you up to date on the risks so you know how to keep your children informed as well.  A recent article on gonorrhea sounds the alarm that it is becoming resistant to drug treatment…the definition of a “superbug.”  The U. S. Center for Disease Control website confirms that “Historically, gonorrhea has progressively developed resistance to all antibiotic drugs prescribed to treat it: drugs such as penicillin, tetracycline, spectinomycin, and ciprofloxacin.”

After reading the article, I noticed that someone named Kathy had posted the following poignant warning: “I had gonorrhea when I was 20. I almost died. I also, afterward, had an ectopic pregnancy and several miscarriages. I eventually did have a healthy child, but the pain and suffering weren’t worth the few minutes of sex that caused the problem. If only young people could see how foolish unmarried sex is. So little for the huge cost, not to mention the guilt that comes with it. You think you don’t feel guilty? Of course you do. It’s all buried inside. Been there, done that. Just say no.”

I was reminded again that the risks to our precious young ones  are real, and the consequences can be devastating.

He’s YOUR son, so who gets the first word on sex?

Posted on by Tori

I asked Kevin, a college student I know well (and the kind of guy you’d want to marry your daughter):  “What is most likely to “work” in having/starting conversations about sex with a son?” Here’s just one of the bits of advice he gave, with more to follow in future blogs. “First, the conversation definitely needs to happen, and not just once. A boy is going to learn about his sexuality from somewhere. By delaying or even not talking about it at all, you send him off to learn about sexuality from the media (bad), his peers (bad), his friends (usually bad), or through his own personal experimentation (worst).  The PARENT should be the first one to talk to them about sex.”  And when should that happen?  If you as a parent want to be the first to weigh in on the topic (with sons or daughters), it’s best done by middle school, he said.  Mom and Dad, if it hasn’t happened, it’s time to get started!  If it’s been a while, it’s time to do it again.

A Hand Up

Posted on by Tori

“I told him I wanted him to make the decision himself not to go there,” a parent told me recently after she’d caught her son looking at porn online. But then she added (perhaps those parental instincts kicking in)… “But is that expecting too much? Should I get blocking software?” In a word, yes. It’s that age-old dilemma: When do we as a parent step in…and when do we let them decide, knowing that part of choosing means making mistakes? After reading “Wired for Intimacy” by William Struthers, I’d say this is one of those times we need to give the poor guy a hand up. And hey, girls can be affected by pornography too…so let’s not make it harder for them than it needs to be. What we open the door to in our homes IS something we can control.

Safety Mode

Posted on by Tori

     As parent, I have been concerned for some time about some of the material that teens can find on YouTube; postings with sex, nudity, pornographic images and violence just to name a few.
I am so thankful to learn that YouTube now has a parental control that enables parents to block their children from viewing such videos; this feature is called Safety Mode.
Go to this link to read all about it.
Source:  CBS Early Show.com

Mugs in the News

Posted on by Tori

As a self –defense instructor, father and an educator to our youth, I like to keep up on what’s happening in my own back yard. So after reading a couple recent news stories in our local paper ( really it was on the web, does anyone read newspapers anymore? ) regarding sex offenders in our area, I felt like sharing this link with you. It will help keep you  aware of what’s going on in your community. Check out the left side on the page and look at ” Mugs in the News”. 

 http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/blog/

House Rules 2

Posted on by Tori

Picking up where we left off a week ago. Here are some suggested “house rules” you may wan tot consider.

  • Set an age for dating such as “No dating in the pre-teen and early teen years.” And ask your son or daughter what dating means to him or her. It can mean different things to different young people at different ages. Plus, it’s a good way to start a conversation.
  • Discuss your concerns with them dating someone more than two years older or younger than he or she is.
  • Research by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy shows that 13 percent of youth aged 14 and under in a same age relationship have had sexual intercourse. But when a pre-teen or teen of this age has a relationship with somebody who is 2 years older, 26 percent of the time it involves sexual intercourse. If the relationship is with somebody 3 years older, 33 percent of the time it involves sexual intercourse.
  •  Tell your teen that boyfriends or girlfriends are welcome in family living areas and can be entertained there. Discourage personal space entertainment. “First sex” often happens at home in an unsupervised area of the house.
  • Set clear guidelines for your child when he or she goes out: Where will you be? What will you be doing? Who will you be with? When will you be home? How can I reach you?
  • Don’t let your child spend lots of time doing things that are not supervised or monitored by adults. Encourage your child to take part in supervised group activities. After-school jobs, tutoring, volunteer activities, and sports help make sure your child is doing something safe and useful after school.
  • Set rules about what your son or daughter can and cannot watch, listen to, or read; about what video games they can play; and where they can go on the Internet. Do not put a television or a computer in your child’s bedroom. These should be out in the open, like in the living room. That way you can know what your child is watching or doing on the Internet.
  • Let your son or daughter know that you will come get them if they get into an uncomfortable or threatening situation.
  • No alcohol. No drugs. No tobacco.

You may consider printing off your rules and posting them where everyone can see. This way there is no misunderstandings about what is acceptable behavior and what is disobedience.

House Rules

Posted on by Tori

House rules let your son or daughter know what you expect. They should be clear and fair. You should expect them to be followed. Your pre-teen or teen might complain, but don’t give in. House rules make your child safe and they help your son or daughter make healthy choices.

Hardly any pre-teen or teen will admit that they like rules. But most really do. Rules make them feel loved and safe. They let them know what they can and can not do. Rules give them an easy reason to tell friends, “No, I can’t do that.” So put up House Rules in your house!

Check out your blog next week for a suggested list of “house rules. So do you a set of house rules for your home?