Approaching “Twighlight”

Posted on by Tori

Parents,

As I was researching today, I came across a bunch of article and opinions about the new movie Twilight opening next week. Here are a few links for you to check out.*

1. http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/twilight/ – gives a good overview of the plot, and includes many trailers, as well as posts from teenagers which reveal how their minds are perceiving the film.

2. http://www.parentpreviews.com/movie-reviews/twilight.shtml – A review of the movie which gives a general breakdown of what to expect from its PG-13 rating in regards to sensuality, explicit language, etc.

3. http://www.thesource4ym.com/youthculturewindow/article.asp?ID=56 – Another viewpoint to compare with the review above. This author is conservative, but very specific.

 Take a look parents, before you take your teens out to see the new flick. You may find these sites helpful!

*The opinions expressed on the websites above are for reference purposes only and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Wait For Your Mate.

Proof in the Programming

Posted on by Tori

Scientists have finally found a concrete link between the sexual content in television, and teenage pregnancy. Check out the article here.

 And speaking of mass media, look at what scientists have discovered about video games.

From birth, our brains are programmed towards mimicry. It’s how we learn when we are very young, but it is something that continues even up into adulthood. There’s studies showing that violent and sexual images often get mixed up in the minds of youth. Parents, if you were doubtful before, be aware.

Lay down the law about what your kids can and can’t watch (or game). Spend time watching TV with them, and observing their video game habits. Discuss what you see. It will help your kid sort things out.

Thoughts on Facebook (and Social Networking)

Posted on by Tori

Parents, are you on Facebook? If not, you should be. Or you should join whatever social networking site (Twitter, MySpace, etc.) your teen is on so that you can keep an eye on things.

Please understand, parents, I am not trying to advocate the idea of becoming a 24 hour spy of your teenager. But some savvy is required, if you are really going to keep tabs on what your teen is doing on the internet.

Why do I bring this up? Well, I was talking with a mom the other day who said that she only allowed her 17 year old daughter on Facebook because she knew her password. “That’s great!” I thought. Then I pondered it a bit more. I realized that having the password doesn’t assure mom of much at all. Why? Because the teen in question could form two Facebook identities – and keep one secret from her parents. If she’s not going to restrict her daughter from using Facebook, then joining is what this mom needs to do. That way she can “friend” all of her daughter’s friends, and search out any information she wants. Again, the goal is not to spy, but to keep an eye on things. Teens will post anything – and sometimes don’t think of the consequences.

Other internet tips:

Learn some online texting/chatting lingo, so you know what your teen is saying as you walk by the computer.

Visit popular sites like YouTube on a regular basis to see what’s being posted.

Don’t let them have a computer in their room where you can’t watch them.

Check your computer’s history (and the Recycle Bin on the desktop) regularly. If it’s recently been deleted or emptied, be suspicious!

In our parent workshop Home Connections packet, we have an internet contract. Think about writing one with your teen to set some limits for the net!

Too Young?

Posted on by Tori

One question we come up against during our parent presentations is, “How young is too young to start talking with your kid about sex and sexuality?” The answer? As long as they’re asking, they’re never too young. The trick, of course, is to be age appropriate.

 Why do I bring this up? Well, I found this article today (another shocker), and despite the fact that it was full of the kind of info we usually post on our blog, it caught my attention because of a book it references: Too Sexy, Too Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids.

I read an excerpt today and came across two interesting anecdotes. The first, of a mother reassuring her 7 year old daughter who was feeling insecure about her body image, and the second of a teacher, probing a kindergarten boy as to why he had drawn a rather sensual picture of a woman.

I’m not sure what conclusions the author will come to, but I think I want to read it. Take a look at it yourself on Amazon. Let us know what you think.

Healthy Relationships

Posted on by Tori

One of the things we discuss with our students during our program is the concept of healthy relationships. We build examples of two types of relationships: one with a good foundation, based on knowledge of the person’s character and commonalities, and the other based off all things superficial – looks and romantic feelings. We stress the idea of group dating – that it is possible to get to know someone of the opposite sex in group settings, as friends, without the need to be romantic, exclusive, or alone. Teens in the area are heeding the advice! Check it out here.

Parents, this is a great practice to encourage with your teens. It lessens pressure & helps them enjoy the evening more. Food for thought, though: Be sure to hold them accountable to what happens after the dance, as well as during.

4A’s of Effective Parenting

Posted on by Tori

It’s funny to me how I never tire of hearing the words, “I love you.” I’m an auditory person – I love verbal praise and encouragement. I may know I have done something well, but I love it when those nearest and dearest to me confirm it to me in a very specific way.

That said, today, parents, I thought I’d post a page from our Parenting Abstinent Teens presentation. It’s concise, and although I’m sure many of you know the common sense of the advice, it’s a good reminder.

  • Affection: “I love you.”
  • Affirmation: “You are valuable.”
  • Advice: “Let me share with you.”
  • Accountability: “What happened?”

Teens need all four of these areas of their lives addressed. Don’t be afraid to speak out, parents. Feel like they’re rebelling? They still need to know of your love. Do they seem egotistical? Share with them what their real value is. Think they’re overly independent? See our earlier post (Brains & Beauty) on sharing wisdom. Remember that all kids need boundaries. State them clearly. Hold your teen accountable to his or her actions. Believe it or not, they actually prefer the freedom to move within a limit, over no boundaries at all.

Brains & Beauty

Posted on by Tori

Every week when I set out to post for our parents, I find tons of pertinent information I could share. Every week I have to decide how to narrow it down. It’s hard sometimes. Do I share the positive, or the negative?

 This week I couldn’t make up my mind. So, I’m sharing information from two different sites.

 1. “Brains”: For parents who dearly want to encourage their kids away from the same mistakes they made as teens, but are unsure how how much to share, check out Teen Shift: Episode 16 here. Scroll down a bit and listen to the podcast on how to best answer the question, “What did you do when you were my age?” (All you have to do is click the Play arrow.) Andrew Robinson gives some great advice to parents and teachers. Be encouraged!

2. “Beauty”: For parents with teen daughters, check out the article The Skinny On 90210 here. Whether you allow your teen daughter to watch the show or not, it’s a good article revealing how body image (and clothing styles & perceptions of modesty) has changed over the past 15-20 years. Be sure to watch the video interview of teens’ thoughts on body image. It will encourage you to tell your daughter she’s beautiful!

The Value of the Vow

Posted on by Tori

I have a friend whose daughter is pregnant. My friend is waiting for her daughter’s boyfriend to propose. He has asked a blessing, he said he picked up a ring. But there’s no word that he’s popped the question. My friend is hoping for it, waiting. She thinks (in this case) it will be a good thing for both of them. I agree with her.

However, I found this article today discussing how marriage is rare for young women with unexpected pregnancies. I was not sure how I felt after reading it, but I do know I am not sure how I feel about the thought of a young couple marrying for the “sake of the baby”. Marriage is a serious vow, a permanent commitment. It’s sad that it’s not happening. Coming from a divorced family, I know it is also sad when the vow is broken.

 What do you think, parents? How valuable is marriage? In a situation of unexpected pregnancy, what is the best choice? Is it a bad thing that young couples are not marrying to provide a family for the baby? Or is it a good thing, because they may be avoiding future divorce?

Get Them To Talk

Posted on by Tori

I’ve been thinking about parent-teen communication a bit lately. I recently read the book, How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk. I was pleasantly surprised with some of the advice found between the covers of the book.  It’s full of practical tips and actual scripted conversations that can give parents ideas on how to navigate the rough communication waters of an emotional teen. Here’s a quick excerpt:

“Acknowledge your teenager’s feelings. Instead of dismissing your teen’s feelings or giving advice: Identify… Acknowledge… with a word or sound… Give in fantasy what you can’t give in reality… Accept feelings as you redirect behavior.”

 Along with that, I found an interesting article by Vanessa Van Petten from On Teens Today. I don’t always agree with her advice, but this article, on how to be a “parental sounding board” made sense to me. Check it out.

Fight, Jane. Fight.

Posted on by Tori

I found a great article today from the Fuller Youth Institute that talks about teenage girls and body image. Here’s an excerpt:

“‘See Jane Try to Be More Sexy

New Research

The Damage Done. Those of us who care about girls have intuitively sensed that the pressure to be “sexy” damages the way they view themselves and others. A 2007 report by the American Psychological Association (APA) spells out the destruction more explicitly. Whether it’s a five year-old girl walking through a shopping mall in a short T-shirt that says “Juicy”, or a magazine article that virtually promises teenage girls that losing 10 pounds will get them the boyfriend…'”

The article talks directly to parents about what we can do to help “Jane” fight back against these pressures. Check out the complete article here.