Tori – Page 20 – Teen Decision

Some Teens Getting High on Cough Medicine

Posted on July 25, 2011 by Tori

It’s easy to think “It won’t happen in my family.” That is, until the day your life changes forever. That happened to Christy, whose 18-year-old son Ryan ended up with a 13-year prison sentence for an armed robbery he committed while high on cough medicine. Christy described her family as a “normal” suburban family, and her relationship with her son as a good one. Misty’s son Carl had been getting high with friends at sleepovers…again on high doses of cough medicine. Unfortunately, Carl’s mom, Misty, found Carl dead one day, from a lethal mix of several drugs, including dextromethorphan (DXM), the active ingredient in many over-the-counter cough medicines.

These two moms have joined with others to get the word out about this danger to teens. One in ten teens has gotten high on over-the-counter cough medicine, and one third of teens know someone who has taken cough medicine to get high. Find out more at fivemoms.stopmedicineabuse.org.

How to get your teen to think smoking is gross

Posted on July 11, 2011 by Tori

In reading about two new studies showing yet more consequences to second-hand smoking, I stumbled across a strategy for parents to use to keep their kids from wanting to smoke in the first place. The article mentioned that kids who describe the smell of cigarette smoke as “gross” or unpleasant, were 78% less likely to start the habit. This is important because, as the article points out, “the National Center for Addiction and Substance Abuse found that nine out of 10 people who meet the clinical criteria for substance abuse began smoking, drinking or using other drugs before they turned 18, and that this is a big concern in teens as they are more likely to try risky things while their brains are still developing.”

So besides stopping smoking if you are a smoker yourself (obviously beneficial to your children), how can we parents create an “eeewww” reaction in our children? Click here for an article about the ugly effects of smoking from kidshealth.org. You could have your teen sit and read it with you for a mini-teaching session which includes a picture of diseased lungs, and the list of “gross” things about smoking, like having bad skin, bad breath, and bad-smelling clothes and hair. We all know how vain teens can be, and appealing to their vanity might be quite effective!

Talking About Sex: How Parents Handle the Conversation (Part 2)

Posted on June 29, 2011 by Tori

At the last parent presentation I did, a parent asked for advice on how to talk to a VERY reluctant teen. It seemed that this teen stonewalled, disappeared…in short did anything possible to avoid having any talks about sex and dating. I remembered an insight from the article, referred to in past blogs, about parent-teen conversations about sex. The authors pointed out that some teens may be “embarrassed, uncomfortable, are afraid of tarnishing their parent’s image of them, and do not want to be judged or looked down upon.” With that in mind, and remembering the tactics of some parents in the study, I suggested this strategy: Talk about someone else. It is much easier to discuss “that poor girl who was drinking and driving and killed her best friend who was in the passenger seat” or to mention “Remember Danny, who you used to play with when you were in grade school? I heard his girlfriend had to drop out of school because she’s pregnant.” The conversation (and parental input) can then continue in the context of someone else’s poor choices, in a much less direct way. It is assuredly best to be direct, but for those teens who just can’t bear the embarrassment of talking about such things with Mom or Dad…give the indirect route a shot.

MTV sees the light…sort of

Posted on June 17, 2011 by Tori

In March I sounded the alarm about an objectionable new show, Skins. Mercifully, it’s been dropped according to the Washington Post. So what other shows might parents hope will meet a similar demise? Jersey Shore, also on MTV, is a good candidate in my mind, but it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere soon. I think the jury is still out on whether the overall impact of MTV’s “16 and Pregnant” and “Teen Mom” is good (showing consequences) or bad (turning wayward teens into celebrities, and normalizing teen pregnancy).

As I’ve said before, concerned parents will handle this in different ways. You might watch shows together and use what you see as a springboard for some great conversation. Or you might exercise a little justifiable censorship (especially with younger teens). If you would like to see MTV or other channels “disappear” from the channel lineup (be prepared for howling and gnashing of teeth), here are links explaining how to do it:

Blocking channels on DirecTV: Instructions here

Blocking channels on Dish: Instructions here

Blocking channels on Comcast: Instructions here

Of course teens can find any show online, legally or illegally, so using internet blocks and insisting that computers be used in public areas are also good ideas.

Talking About Sex: How Parents Handle the Conversation (Part 1)

Posted on June 10, 2011 by Tori

Don’t freak out. That’s the advice I always include in my conversations with parents about HOW to talk to teens about sex. What I mean, is: stay calm and matter-of-fact, and “never let them see you sweat.” Apparently, my recommendations are spot on. The study I’ve been mining for information on teen-parent sex talks, has several interesting things to say about how parents can communicate effectively with their teens about sex. Here is just a bit of what they advise, based on the research:

“The results [of the study] suggest that the more parents are receptive to their adolescents’ opinions and ideas, attempt to keep the conversation informal or casual, and remain composed during the conversation, the less likely their adolescents are to report being anxious during the discussions, which, in turn, made them less avoidant As the current research and some previous work suggests (e.g., Mueller & Powers, 1990), parents need to create an atmosphere that is conducive to mutual interaction in which they are open to their children’s opinions, refrain from critiquing them, and are able to moderate their emotional reactions to their children’s ideas.”

Just in case you think this means that you are not to share your opinions on sex, dating and relationships, au contraire. The study actually found NO correlation between parental “dominance”…meaning how directive they were (giving counsel and instruction) and teens’ openness to talking. Apparently, teens aren’t put off by parents who give clear, calm advice and, the researchers theorize, expect parents to do so. So next time you make time for a chat about sex or dating with your teen, take a deep breath, and casually, but confidently, turn the conversation to the topic you want to cover.

Talking About Sex: How Girls Handle the Conversation

Posted on May 19, 2011 by Tori

Unlike boys, who tend to joke around when a parent tries to broach the topic of sex, girls tend to take the topic more seriously, according to a study we began to learn about last week. This apparently leads to one of two reactions: extreme anxiety and avoidance of the topic altogether, or openness and a high level of comfort in talking to a parent about sex. Avoidance is especially likely when girls feel their mothers are adopting a moralistic “instructive” tone, rather than sharing information in a factual way.

So if we happen to make it past the first sentence or two…what about these conversations we are having with our daughters? Well, according to one study, 33% of important sexual topics or not being discussed with daughters. While that reflects significant gaps in our communication, the same study showed 75% of these topics were not being discussed with adolescent sons…an even worse track record. We seem to be covering more topics with girls, while the study found that discussions with sons tended to focus on “scare tactics,” such as discussion of STDs and pregnancy.

Parents, lets continue to talk with our daughters about sex, keep the tone calm and factual, and try to include more discussion about relational aspects of sexual activity with our sons. Next week’s blog will discuss what this fascinating study had to say about how to set the stage for a more comfortable talk that will trigger less avoidance and awkwardness on the part of our teens.

Talking About Sex: How Boys Handle the Conversation

Posted on May 12, 2011 by Tori

For many teens, talking with their parents about sex is something they find awkward. Interestingly, teens themselves sometimes find ways to “lighten up” conversations about sex. Researchers observed that, compared to girls, “Male adolescents used more sarcasm with their parent. They made it seem as if it was acceptable to joke around with their parent about sex….downplaying the seriousness of it and putting their parent and themselves at ease.” Interestingly, boys were more likely to use such sarcasm when talking to fathers. Boys also appeared to be slightly more willing to talk about the topic with a parent than girls.

So how do we make use of this information? Keep in mind that a boy may relieve discomfort by using sometimes startling sarcasm: “That rash I had last week was really a hickey, Mom.” Knowing that he is probably trying to lighten things up, it would be wise to not react as if this is a disrespectful stance, but instead join in the “banter” with a similarly playful comment or just a laugh.

In the upcoming weeks, I will continue to share findings from this study on how teens and parents talk about sex. The article is fairly “academic “in nature, but if you have the patience, and want to read some fascinating stuff, including real conversations teens had with their parents, click here for the whole article in the Journal of Adolescent Research.

Why teens take more risks when with friends

Posted on May 2, 2011 by Tori

We think our teen knows better, and then he or she does something stupid on a night out with friends. Can’t we all relate? Now, a new study sheds light on WHY teens take more risks in groups. According to psychologist Jason Chein, “If the presence of friends had been simply a distraction to the participant, then we would have seen an impact on the brain’s executive function. But that is not what we have found.” Instead, says Chein, “The presence of peers does not impact the evaluation of the risk but rather heightens sensitivity in the brain to the potential upside of a risky decision.” Fellow researcher, Laurence Steinberg further speculates: “Because adolescents find socializing so rewarding, we postulate that being with friends primes the reward system and makes teens pay more attention to the potential pay offs of a risky decision.”

The researchers don’t take the next step of proposing a solution to the problem of teen risk-taking, but a logical antidote may be for parents to be the constant voice of common sense. Regular discussions about how to make healthy, smart decisions can help ground teens, so that when the sirens of teen group-think come calling, the risks ultimately weigh heavier in the balances than the rewards.

Never Give Up

Posted on April 26, 2011 by Tori

I am a big reader, and love learning new things. In fact, I have just been reading up on youth and culture for about 3 hours straight. Here are some things I found out:

Teens are sexting (sending explicit pictures of themselves to their peers) not just because of peer pressure, but because they are exploring what it feels like to be erotically appealing to the opposite sex.

Parents must be fueling some of the sexualization of girls, because 8-year-olds don’t have money to buy trashy outfits.

Some people who have previously perused porn unashamedly have concluded, in public forums, that their porn use has affected their ability to desire and appreciate their real life partners.

After decades of decline, teen substance abuse is up these past three years.

I am feeling a bit depressed right now after all this bad news! Is there a bright side in this seemingly never-ending battle for the hearts and minds of our sons and daughters? Has our culture won the war? Do we throw up our hands in helpless defeat?

No. We can’t. We are parents. We love them, and want to see them have happy, healthy lives. We cannot control their behavior like we could when they were toddlers, but we have a responsibility to be wise guides. In the words of a sage writer: “Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.” In an often broken world, we can continue to point our children to the straight paths…the ones that will take them to the finish line strong in character and healthy in mind and body. It’s our JOB.

Author: Tori