Teaching Teens to Recognize Abuse

Posted on by Tori

Do you know if your daughter or son would recognize when a relationship is in danger of becoming abusive?  A personal story  I tell to teens is about the time I was physically abused by a boyfriend.  I had the good sense to break the relationship off at the first incident, but in retrospect, there were warning signs that the physical abuse was coming.  I saw my boyfriend lose control of his temper with his family, and he had already begun verbally abusing me before the incident of physical abuse.

February is Teen Dating and Violence Awareness and Prevention Month, and I found myself wondering how we can prepare our sons and daughters to recognize unhealthy patterns in a relationship before it gets to the point of emotional or physical damage.  I found a wonderful document, written to and for teens, about the warning signs of potentially abusive relationships.  It’s put out by the American Psychological Association.  I would urge every parent to print this out, and ask their teen to read it and then discuss it together.  Every teen (guy or girl) will either be abused, or know someone who is.  Let’s equip them to be strong and courageous in insisting on being treated with respect, and be advocates and wise guides for their friends who may be suffering an abusive relationship.

Tanning Salons May Lie to Youth About Risks

Posted on by Tori

I’ve never gone to a tanning salon.  As a fair-skinned Swede, I’m genetically prone to skin cancer, and already got too much sun when I was a kid.  But my daughters have frequented tanning salons.  And at least once they were lied to about the risks of tanning beds, because I remember having an argument about it.

Well, it seems they weren’t the only ones lied to, because “when congressional investigators contacted 300 tanning salons, identifying themselves as fair-skinned teenage girls…. Ninety percent of the salons told them indoor tanning posed no health dangers. Seventy-eight percent claimed indoor tanning would actually improve health, preventing diseases ranging from arthritis to lupus.”  The article goes on to say that “Studies show the risk of melanoma goes up 75 percent when tanning bed use begins before the age of 30,” and points out that the rate of melanoma among women has gone up 50% since the 80s, when tanning beds began to proliferate.

Some states are beginning to pass laws restricting the use of tanning beds by minors, and Illinois is currently considering stricter laws, as reported last week.  The new law would ban anyone under 18 from using tanning beds in tanning salons.  Currently, Illinois law bans the use of tanning beds by those under 14, and 14- to 17-year-olds must get the consent, in person, of a parent, before he or she can use a tanning bed.

Teen Drug and Alcohol Use, the Good and the Bad

Posted on by Tori

It appears that alcohol use and smoking are at historic lows, a great success story, according to the CADCA (Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America).  Says CADCA Chairman, Arthur T. Dean, “These data show that when our nation systematically and comprehensively invests the resources to reduce access and availability as well as works to change norms and perceptions we can achieve major reductions in youth use rates. However, our nation needs to focus much more attention and resources on effective prevention strategies to reduce marijuana use and abuse,” said CADCA Chairman and CEO General Arthur T. Dean.

Which brings us to the bad news:  Marijuana use (including synthetic marijuana) is up markedly.  The CADCA reported in the article that: “In fact, the annual prevalence rates among 8th graders during the past two years are higher than any time since 2003. Also concerning is that the rate of daily marijuana use rose among all three grades, with 1.3 percent of 8th graders, 3.6 percent of 10th graders and 6.6 percent of 12th graders reporting that they smoked marijuana on a daily basis. Among high school seniors, the daily use rate is now at a 30-year-peak level.  Not only was marijuana use at greater levels among youth, but attitudes toward drug use, which are often considered indicators of future use, have softened with fewer youth reporting that they see a risk of harm in smoking marijuana.”

Virginity: a Renewed Conversation

Posted on by Tori

Pop culture seems to have a renewed obsession with talking about virginity, ranging from incredulity at Tim Tebow’s public commitment to wait until marriage, to a new TV show, Virgin Diaries, devoted to the subject.  In an age when it seems like “everybody’s doing it,” voices are being heard more and more, saying “I’m waiting.”  In fact, recent research indicates that a surprising number of young people have not been sexually active.  “A report issued last year by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics found from 2006-08, 29 percent of women and 27 percent of men ages 15-24 had had no sexual contact with another person, up from 22 percent in 2002.”  The article I read referencing that statistic has a couple of quotes from unashamed virgins…one of whom is a young man I met when he attended college with my daughter.  Kevin has become a good friend of mine, and I tell his story to students I speak with about the choice to be abstinent.  They need to know there really are  guys who choose to wait…decent guys…the kind of guy a girl would want to marry some day. In the same article, our program, Amplify Youth Development, even gets a mention, with a quote from our program director about her decision to wait until marriage.

Sleep-deprived Teens Engage in Risky Behaviors

Posted on by Tori

Now that school is back in swing, and your teen can’t stay buried under the covers until noon like he might have during the holiday break, is he getting enough sleep?  A study of 12,000 teens by the Center for Disease Control found that 7o% of young people are not getting the sleep they need to face the challenges and temptations that come their way .  Lack of sleep negatively affects the prefrontal cortex, which in teens is still developing; this is the part of the brain that helps in making good judgments.  So teens who are sleep-deprived are not just at risk of performing more poorly in school, they are also more likely to engage in sexual activity and use cigarettes, alcohol or drugs.  They were also more likely to report being depressed or suicidal.  The takeaway is that they MUST get more sleep; it’s not just important to their performance in school, but in life.  The ABC report on this study also gives some great suggestions on helping your kids get a good night’s sleep, bettering their chances of having a better life.

A Role Model for Our Kids’ Generation

Posted on by Tori

My daughter told me today that everyone is talking (and Twittering too apparently) about a certain popular sports hero.  Is he the real deal?  Some cynically expect a fall, sooner or later.  In a world full of heroes, most of whom have indeed fallen off their pedestals (think Tiger Woods, or Miley Cyrus), is there anyone we can point our youth to as a person of character to emulate?  Tim Tebow, Denver Broncos’ star quarterback, appears to be a public figure who has the maturity and strength to be who he is, even when ridiculed.  He stands pretty boldly for his values, including his commitment to abstinence.  If your son (or daughter) is looking for a mature role model, steer them toward Tim Tebow, who answered a reporter’s question (see this YouTube link), “Are you saving yourself for marriage,” with a clear “Yes.”  He acknowledged how “shocking” this was, but seemed to be quite comfortable in his skin, as he publicly made a stand for abstinence.  May our children have the courage to make good choices, without embarrassment, like Tim Tebow.

What does it take to resist peer pressure?

Posted on by Tori

What kind of boy or girl resists peer pressure?  And how can I get one of THOSE kids?

All joking aside, there is some indication that a child who is comfortable “negotiating” with his or her mother, one who  stands up for his or her views in the family, might be good at asserting him or herself in a peer pressure situation. The study found that “teens that were best able to resist peer pressure were those who openly expressed their views with their mom. These teens also used reasonable arguments instead of whining or using insults to influence their mother’s opinion on common issues, such as grades, household rules, money and chores.”  So, the next time you’re weary of the child who seems to be wearing you down with arguments, remember that your little debater may also be taking those reasoning skills into social situations where resisting risky behavior is critical to his or her well-being.

Your Child and the Pain of Rejection

Posted on by Tori

As parents, we will almost certainly watch our children experience the pain of social rejection, either by friends, or by a boyfriend or girlfriend.  There are two pitfalls to watch out for as a parent.  One is that we will internalize it, and empathize so deeply that we will have sleepless nights, or worse, interfere in the relationship (I hate to admit this, but my observation is that moms seem to struggle more with this).  The other is that we will miss the pain that they are experiencing.  I once missed an opportunity to support my child when her friend died, because I didn’t realize how close she and this girl had become.  I regret that I wasn’t there for her more at the time.  Or we might be tempted to dismiss or minimize the hurt.  “Oh, there are other better guys out there for you.”  “She didn’t really appreciate what a great guy you are anyway.”  A fascinating study found that “feelings of social rejection activate regions of the brain that are involved in physical pain sensation….”   In other words, emotional pain “hurts” like physical pain.  The researchers also “point out that the findings affirm the wisdom of cultures around the world that use the same language—words like ‘hurt’ and ‘pain’—to describe the experience of both physical pain and social rejection.”  The best thing we can do when our child is experiencing the intense pain of rejection is to lend a sympathetic ear.  We need to show our love and support by listening and by understanding that the pain, even though we know it won’t last forever, is quite real to our son or daughter.

Sexual Harassment Common Among Teens

Posted on by Tori

A new survey of almost 2,000 middle and high school students found that “56 percent of the girls and 40 percent of the boys said they had experienced at least one incident of sexual harassment during the school year.”  And that’s just one 9-month school year.  It isn’t unreasonable to assume that over a period of 6 or 7 years (middle school and high school) virtually all of our teens experience sexual harassment in some form.  What does this harassment look like?  It could be anything from physical groping, to crude comments, to being confronted with unwanted sexual images, to being the subject of  unwelcome sexual rumors.

The article discussing the research also included the report’s recommendation that “all schools should create a sexual-harassment policy and make sure it is publicized and enforced. It said schools must ensure that students are educated about what their rights are…with special attention paid to encouraging girls to respond assertively to harassment since they are targeted more often than boys.”  The students themselves wished that there were a way to anonymously report incidents of sexual harassment.  A proactive step that you as a parent could take, might be to call your student’s school to see if any policies or procedures are in place to handle incidents of sexual harassment…and to find out if the students are both educated about their rights, and informed about how to report such incidents.

One Reason STDs are Spreading Among Teens

Posted on by Tori

I can just hear the wheels turning in the minds of kids who have just been seriously unsettled by the revelation that about 1 out of 4 sexually active teens will get an STD by the time they graduate high school.  Occasionally someone will ask what the others are thinking:  “But what if its the first time for both of them?”  I give an honest answer, “Well, then they can’t get an STD.”  But then I follow up with a couple of questions:  “How do you know it’s someone’s first time…for SURE?  Do you think people ever lie about their  sexual pasts?”  Sometimes they even figure that if the other person has only had one previous partner, that’s not too bad, and surely doesn’t pose much of a risk.

Many youth, and adults, assume that it’s a small group of promiscuous teens who are out there spreading nasty diseases, but that doesn’t appear to be an accurate analysis of what’s really going on.  A study of sexual encounters at a midwestern high school showed a long chain linking many of the students.  “Of about 1,000 students at the school, 832 were interviewed and asked to identify their sexual and romantic partners over the previous 18 months. Just more than half reported having sexual intercourse….  Of all the pairings, 63 involved two students who had not partnered with anyone else.”  The article concluded that “Sharing of partners was rare, but many students were indirectly linked through one partner to another and another.”  Can you get an STD the first time you are sexually active?  You bet.   This study clearly has implications for the spread of disease, and is another reason why an abstinence message is all the more critical to the health and well-being of our children.