A documentary has been getting a lot of buzz, and hits on some very important topics for parents to consider. Miss Representation is an award-winning film (shown on the Oprah Network last October) that looks at the portrayal of females in media, and how it affects not just girls and women, but boys and men as well. This important documentary is being shown free to the public at Glenbard West High School Tuesday, May 8 from 6:30-8:30 p.m., followed by a discussion with the film’s director, Jennifer Siebel Newsom. The film’s website says, “In a society where media is the most persuasive force shaping cultural norms, the collective message that our young women and men overwhelmingly receive is that a woman’s value and power lie in her youth, beauty, and sexuality, and not in her capacity as a leader. ” Click HERE to see an 8-minute trailer for the movie, or HERE for a shorter one. WARNING: There are some graphic images of partially clad women in these trailers in sexual situations. If you try to keep your eyes from these kinds of images, you should perhaps NOT watch the trailers or the movie. The message in the movie is mixed in with a particular political stance that you may or may not agree with, but the focus on media and its portrayal of women is undeniably powerful and important…and could lead to some good discussion. I would consider especially taking daughters to this movie.
Prom Insanity
USA Today, in an article out last month, reports that teens (or is it parents) are now spending between $1000 and $2000 on going to the prom. Am I alone in thinking this is insane? OK, so I’m someone who has never had a professional manicure or pedicure, has never set foot in a spa, and got my wedding dress off the clearance rack. I am probably more shocked by prom-gone-wild than the average parent. But I wonder, are these expectations reasonable in this economic environment? And are we setting up our teens to expect all the luxuries they want throughout life without consideration for the costs? Worse, if a young man (or young woman I suppose) is spending so much for one night, is he going to expect to “cash in” with a romp at the hotel? Just today I heard the story of a woman who recounted the first time she had sex. Junior Prom. It was the price she had to pay to get her older boyfriend, who didn’t want to hang out with high schoolers, to go. She called it “prostituting” herself, but used rougher words So sad.
Parents, it’s time to have a sober talk about expectations for prom. It can be fun, focus on friendships, and leave no regrets. Or…it can be quite different. Let’s ratchet down the expectations. This is not their wedding night, and it’s not the pinnacle of life from which everything from here on out goes downhill.
Lesser Known Eating Disorders to Watch For
Anorexia and Bulimia. That’s it, right? I remember when we first started talking about these disorders. It was when I was in college. Two girls came to me (a senior in the dorm) and told me their concern that their roommate had bulimia (she did). Fast forward to today and we find that there are many people (still mostly young women) who don’t fit the old categories of bulimia and anorexia, but still have a distorted relationship with food, and a poor body image. These disorders are described in a Today (MSNBC) article, and include such things as an addiction to exercise, binge eating, and even an obsession with health or “righteous” eating which can actually lead to malnourishment. We need to know how to help our children when they get sucked into an unhealthy eating pattern, but first we need to be able to see the truth of what our teen is dealing with. Being aware of these other eating disorders is a start.
Piercings More Dangerous Than We Thought
When it comes to piercings, many parents decide it’s not a battle worth fighting. Until the piercings multiply. Most of us have some unease with the “statement” a teen seems to be making with multiple piercings in increasingly “creative” places on the body. The question of what to allow seems to boil down to two questions: Do piercings make a “statement” we don’t want our kids to make? And are piercings safe? The Journal of Family practice reported on a study showing that multiple piercings DO seem to be correlated with some negative behaviors such as lower academic performance, greater drug use, and risky sexual behavior. Recently, the Chicago Tribune reported on a study by Northwestern University that shows that a disturbingly high 20 percent of piercings result in bacterial infections. Some piercings can cause other problems such as broken teeth, gum damage, interference with X-rays and MRIs, and even death from infections that reach the heart or other vital organs. The article goes on to point out that nearly a fourth of millenials (those born in the 80s and 90s) are pierced somewhere other than their earlobes.
TV Finds More Ways to be Explicit
If parents were looking for one more reason to limit teens’ TV watching, the Parents Television Council has found one. Their recent analysis of television shows reveals that in recent years, there has been a dramatic increase in the use of anatomically accurate words for male and female sexual body parts. Why is that a problem? It’s one more way our culture desensitizes our teens, normalizing sexual talk and actions in a highly sexualized era.
Teens who Self-Injure
If you have any contact with teens, you will eventually meet or hear about someone who has engaged in “cutting.” Teens who harm their bodies are not suicidal, but are looking for a way to release painful emotions, according to an article on WebMD. The article helps parents recognize warning signs, and gives advice on how to help teens who self-injure, quoting experts from SAFE Alternatives (based at Linden Oaks Hospital, in Naperville, IL).
I learned a few interesting things from the article. Cutting is an accepted part of the “Goth” culture (but is not only done in that group), and is more common in girls than boys. Wendy Lader, PhD, also states that “Very often, kids who self-harm have an eating disorder. They may have a history of sexual, physical, or verbal abuse….Many are sensitive, perfectionists, overachievers. The self-injury begins as a defense against what’s going on in their family, in their lives. They have failed in one area of their lives, so this is a way to get control.” This could hit any family, however, says Lader, who points out that “many kids who self-injure are simply ‘regular kids’ going through the adolescent struggle for self-identity” Lader adds, “They’re experimenting.”
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Teen Sex: Rethinking the Rewards
In an interesting Wall Street Journal article, “What’s Wrong With the Teenage Mind?” the author referred to a study that suggests that adolescents “aren’t reckless because they underestimate risks, but because they overestimate rewards—or, rather, find rewards more rewarding than adults do.” The reward centers of the adolescent brain are activated with an intensity greater than that of the adult brain. Think of first love, the forbidden fruit of sneaking a smoke, putting the pedal to the floor of Dad’s car, etc.
And what reward is the strongest? The article says that “What teenagers want most of all are social rewards, especially the respect of their peers. In a recent study by the developmental psychologist Laurence Steinberg at Temple University, teenagers did a simulated high-risk driving task while they were lying in an MRI brain-imaging machine. The reward system of their brains lighted up much more when they thought another teenager was watching what they did—and they took more risks.”
I just finished a week in a school where the boys were admitting that they biggest pressure they faced was from other boys urging them to become sexually active with their date or girlfriend. This was no surprise to me, as “bragging rights” is almost always on top of the list of reasons teens give for having sex.
If it’s so rewarding to be able to brag about sexual exploits, getting the admiration and high-fives of one’s buddies, what can parents and other caring adults do to counteract that? Perhaps elevating the risks to front-of-mind more frequently might help. But even better, help them think through the benefits of being abstinent. Since keeping the conversation going is important, why not sit down together with your son or daughter and come up with a list of all the benefits (besides avoiding STDs and pregnancy) of being abstinent? Setting an exciting picture of the future before them might just make the temporary kudos of peers pale in comparison.
Leave it up to Youth to Make Cinnamon Dangerous
Here’s another substance abuse fad to be aware of: Taking the cinnamon challenge. Even our governor, Pat Quinn, got caught up in the challenge to down a teaspoonful of cinnamon in less than 60 seconds. He cheated, however, since the true challenge dictates that you do it without water, an impossible task. Videos showing teens spewing a cloud of cinnamon, gagging, hacking and spitting might at first seem funny, and many such videos have gone viral. But what seems like a harmless prank, can in fact be quite harmful, and has led to hospitalizations for collapsed lungs and pneumonia. So far, thankfully, there haven’t been any deaths.
Supervision and Communication Critical to Reducing Teen Sex
After again perusing the literature about teen sexual activity, I’ve culled out a few bits of helpful information in list form. These facts may help you as a parent, as you guide your teen:
- Most teen sexual activity happens in the boy’s home, the girl’s home, or a friend’s home.
- Teens who date earlier, have sex earlier, and have more partners. They also are more likely to contract STDs and get pregnant.
- A teen who dates someone 2 years or more older is much more likely to have sex, and get pregnant.
- More teens lose their virginity in December and June than other months. (Lack of supervision? Prom?)
And finally, to give you some ideas for positive “action items,”
- Teens whose parents monitored them more closely were less likely to become sexually active.
- Teens who had more family activities (including family dinners) per week were more likely to abstain from sex.
- Teens whose parents communicated the risks of sexual activity and expressed the expectation that their teen would wait, were less likely to have sex.
For more helpful facts about parental influence on teens’ sexual choices, click HERE
Having a BETTER ‘Don’t Drink’ Talk with your Teen
I read an article today that had great tips for parents on how to talk to their kids about the positive aspects of avoiding alcohol. This was a new twist that I found refreshing, since we usually use scare tactics when warning about drinking (you could kill somebody, you might do something stupid, you have the alcoholism gene in your family tree, etc.).
What I found really valuable, is that it had step-by-step instructions for how to actually have that conversation. Take a look HERE, and plan to set aside some time to have that conversation with each of your children.