Cyberbullying: Time to Step In?

Posted on by Tori

Today a teen I mentor was talking about how one of the cheerleaders on her team had quit, because of bullying by another student.   The coach had a talk with the whole team, but targeted the offender by saying “You know who you are.”  I was glad to hear that the teacher made a firm stand, saying she wouldn’t tolerate any more abusive behavior.  But adults don’t always know about all the bullying that goes on.  Indeed, the worst of it may be happening in cyberspace.

Cyberbullying has become such a rampant problem, that some parents are learning to navigate the social networking world of teens, and finding out how to address serious offenses against their children.  One boy was so depressed, that his mother persisted in asking him about his feelings, finally discovering that someone had stolen his identity, made a Facebook page in his name, and used it to post comments that alienated all his friends and classmates.  The story of this mom, and an extensive discussion of cyberbullying can be found in a fascinating and informative article in the December 4 issue of the New York Times, which can be found on their website under the headline: “As Bullies Go Digital, Parents Play Catch-Up.”

Internet Use: How much is too much?

Posted on by Tori

As someone with a love of the printed book, I often lament this generation’s lack of interest in thoughtful reading.  Indeed, many of us seem to have traded a bookmark for a mouse.  Knowledge of world events, politics, religion, you name it, seems to be lacking in the mental repository of teens today.  But it appears that may not be the only effect of the internet on young people.  A recent study is one of several connecting heavy internet use with the development of depression in youth.  How much it too much?  I leave that up to you as a parent to decide.  The study found that at 5 hours or more per day, there was a significant effect, although the authors were not able to say that internet use itself caused depression.  In fact, there was some speculation that it could be a lack of sleep among those who spend so much of their free time on the internet. 

When we discovered that our then high schooler was Instant Messaging (today, it would probably be texting) into the wee hours of the morning with friends, we pondered what we could do.  We did not allow a computer in the bedroom, but this child was going down to the family room late at night when we were asleep.  We weren’t fond of the idea of policing the house late at night when we’d rather be sleeping, so we found a fairly simple solution.  Our house has wireless internet, and we put the internet router, which is in our bedroom, on a simple timer!  Then we informed our children that homework better be done by 11:00, because that’s when the internet went off for the night. 

If you are troubled by the amount of time your teen spends online, whether on social network sites, gaming, or even watching TV reruns, you may have to come up with a creative solution like we did.  But after all these years as a parent, I believe that you can figure out a way to channel your child’s time into a healthy range of broader pursuits.  Let’s prove that we parents are smarter than they think!

Competing with Media for Your Child’s Time?

Posted on by Tori

Did you know that a recent Kaiser Foundation study found that “young people (8 to 18) spend an average of 53 hours a week using electronic media?”  It may not surprise you that this heavy media use doesn’t translate into happier lives:  “The more time they spend with electronic media, the less happy they tend to be.”

If you’re already concerned about your teen’s media use with respect to content, you may also be concerned about how it is affecting your relationship with your child.  A new study shows that over one third of parents report a concern with how TV, computers and video games are affecting parent-child communication.  As a parent of college age kids, I’ve already learned that they are more likely to read a text message than pick up a voice call from me, and may be more likely to want to read an article I send them via e-mail than have a conversation about current events or social issues.  Like me, you may be concerned about the decrease in “face-time” with your family.

This is a perfect opportunity for me to invite you to our Amplify Parent Connection meeting (click here for more info) on August 30.  We will be talking about Teens and Media…what they are seeing, hearing, and experiencing through media, and how we can become more media savvy as we try to keep the lines of communication open and the ties of relationship strong.  You will come away with resources that can help you protect, guide and connect.

Clues teens give that they intend to have sex

Posted on by Tori

When my daughters were younger teens, my husband and I had to play “technology catch-up” when we discovered our daughters were instant messaging, sometimes at the expense of homework and into the wee hours of the morning.  And sometimes it was with boys.  These days, they are more likely to use Facebook to connect with their peers, but back then it was MySpace.  We insisted that we have the right to see what they were posting on MySpace, since we’d heard scary stories of predatory adults using the site…plus we cared about how our children were portraying themselves.  Were we right to be concerned?  Research seems to indicate that teens do, indeed, reveal a lot about themselves online that parents may not know.  A recent study showed that “For parents wondering when they should talk to their children about sex, the writing may be on the wall — or on their child’s Facebook page. New research suggests that display of sexual references on teens’ Facebook profiles is associated with their intention to initiate intercourse.”  Now my daughters are on Facebook…and so am I.  In fact, the fastest growing group of Facebook users are those in our age bracket.  I did “friend” my daughters…and they accepted.  I am pleased to report that, at least on Facebook, they seem to be behaving themselves.  It might be time to make sure your kids are behaving themselves as well.  And some parents put limits on what sites you allow your teens on, and what memberships they are allowed to have.  Whatever you decide, make sure you at least ask them to let you see, on a regular basis, what they are posting.

Balancing Time

Posted on by Tori

Are idle hands the devil’s tool, or is keeping busy becoming an obstacle to your child’s personal development?   These days our children seemed to be grouped in two categories; the over committed students who are involved in every sport and extracurricular activity offered in a 50 mile radius, and the typical student who comes home and vegges on TV and the internet who occasionally peeks their head out to eat or briefly interact with other members of the household when forced.  In the midst of all this, whether your child is involved in what is perceived as constructive or wasteful is there enough time being devoted to what truly matters? Do kids get enough time with their parents? Is there enough time devoted to relationship building in the home amongst family?

Facebook Folly

Posted on by Tori

http://www.examiner.com/x-260-Seattle-Parenting-Examiner~y2009m3d1-Teenage-fired-for-complaining-on-Facebook—teaching-teens-to-think-before-the-write?comments=true

This is a short article about a 16-year-old girl who was fired from her job after posting complaints about it on her Facebook page. I’m posting it here for you to read, parents, mostly because I want to know what you think. The article is short enough that you could even have your teenagers read it and get their opinions on the girl’s reaction as well. I’d be interested to hear what they say!

The Internet… Again!

Posted on by Tori

Parents, check out this article (here) called, “How to Keep Kids Safe Online.” It’s a very realistic article, and one that has some good resources and suggestions.

 Something to note: the article makes full acknowledgement that truly tech-savvy teens are going to find their way around any filtering or blocking programs you may purchase. They also point out that teens who are going to create trouble on the Internet are most likely also creating trouble elsewhere – so it’s easy to predict.

Please be realistic about your boundaries and expectations. Know that although you may forbid the use of Internet in your home, your teen may choose to access it at school or at a friend’s house. Be communicating with other parents about what your rules are.

If computer use is okay at home, be sure that you are nearby, keeping an eye on what’s going on. It’s okay to set deals, too. I know one father who wouldn’t let his teen create a Facebook account unless she “friended” him once he was on.

Check our earlier post on slang, or visit the Internet Slang Dictionary (they have a translator too) here to get schooled in texting lingo.

Thoughts on Facebook (and Social Networking)

Posted on by Tori

Parents, are you on Facebook? If not, you should be. Or you should join whatever social networking site (Twitter, MySpace, etc.) your teen is on so that you can keep an eye on things.

Please understand, parents, I am not trying to advocate the idea of becoming a 24 hour spy of your teenager. But some savvy is required, if you are really going to keep tabs on what your teen is doing on the internet.

Why do I bring this up? Well, I was talking with a mom the other day who said that she only allowed her 17 year old daughter on Facebook because she knew her password. “That’s great!” I thought. Then I pondered it a bit more. I realized that having the password doesn’t assure mom of much at all. Why? Because the teen in question could form two Facebook identities – and keep one secret from her parents. If she’s not going to restrict her daughter from using Facebook, then joining is what this mom needs to do. That way she can “friend” all of her daughter’s friends, and search out any information she wants. Again, the goal is not to spy, but to keep an eye on things. Teens will post anything – and sometimes don’t think of the consequences.

Other internet tips:

Learn some online texting/chatting lingo, so you know what your teen is saying as you walk by the computer.

Visit popular sites like YouTube on a regular basis to see what’s being posted.

Don’t let them have a computer in their room where you can’t watch them.

Check your computer’s history (and the Recycle Bin on the desktop) regularly. If it’s recently been deleted or emptied, be suspicious!

In our parent workshop Home Connections packet, we have an internet contract. Think about writing one with your teen to set some limits for the net!

Do you know where your children are?

Posted on by Tori

The world wide web equals access to the world. It also means the world has access to you. And your kids. Yet children online can be sitting “safely” in your living room, so why worry about them? A new study conducted by Harris Interactive reveals that parents may be turning a blind eye to their children’s internet use. For instance, parents estimate that their children spend 2 hours a week on the internet, but children report spending 10 times that (20 hours).

Two helpful pointers for parents:

  • Move the computer into a part of the house that is easily monitored,
  • and ask your child to show you his or her favorite sites.

Being involved will equip you to step in as a parent should any unsafe situations arise.

Becoming a media-savvy parent

Posted on by Tori

I found this helpful link in the newsletter of the Center for Parent and Youth Understanding.

The link will take you to six great tips for getting to know the media that your children are most likely already familiar with. Two things to keep in mind: today’s media can be dangerous or unhealthy when misunderstood or misused; a parent’s job is to do more than shelter a child from media. Parenting involves teaching children how to use media safely. As you learn to use different forms of media, you can guide your child to also use media wisely and safely.