With respect to a teen’s ability to postpone sexual activity, it turns out that dads may have up to TWICE the influence of moms. (If you are a mom reading this, you might want to forward this to your child’s father!) A study published in 2009 in the journal Child Development showed that dads’ knowledge of teens’ friends translated to less teen sexual activity. Even more influential was time spent together: “The impact of family time overall was even more striking. One additional family activity per week predicted a 9 percent drop in sexual activity.” What about Mom’s influence? The study hypothesized that Dad’s effect on Mom, supporting childrearing, may be a significant key to understanding these findings. That brings up the question: What if a father is absent or uninvolved? It just means that a mother has to be extra aware of her teens’ vulnerability, and encourage other positive influences such as involvement in sports or church (or other religious group), enlisting mentors, etc.
House Rules 2
Picking up where we left off a week ago. Here are some suggested “house rules” you may wan tot consider.
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Set an age for dating such as “No dating in the pre-teen and early teen years.” And ask your son or daughter what dating means to him or her. It can mean different things to different young people at different ages. Plus, it’s a good way to start a conversation.
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Discuss your concerns with them dating someone more than two years older or younger than he or she is.
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Research by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy shows that 13 percent of youth aged 14 and under in a same age relationship have had sexual intercourse. But when a pre-teen or teen of this age has a relationship with somebody who is 2 years older, 26 percent of the time it involves sexual intercourse. If the relationship is with somebody 3 years older, 33 percent of the time it involves sexual intercourse.
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Tell your teen that boyfriends or girlfriends are welcome in family living areas and can be entertained there. Discourage personal space entertainment. “First sex” often happens at home in an unsupervised area of the house.
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Set clear guidelines for your child when he or she goes out: Where will you be? What will you be doing? Who will you be with? When will you be home? How can I reach you?
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Don’t let your child spend lots of time doing things that are not supervised or monitored by adults. Encourage your child to take part in supervised group activities. After-school jobs, tutoring, volunteer activities, and sports help make sure your child is doing something safe and useful after school.
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Set rules about what your son or daughter can and cannot watch, listen to, or read; about what video games they can play; and where they can go on the Internet. Do not put a television or a computer in your child’s bedroom. These should be out in the open, like in the living room. That way you can know what your child is watching or doing on the Internet.
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Let your son or daughter know that you will come get them if they get into an uncomfortable or threatening situation.
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No alcohol. No drugs. No tobacco.
You may consider printing off your rules and posting them where everyone can see. This way there is no misunderstandings about what is acceptable behavior and what is disobedience.
A Holistic View
How is a teen in today’s world going to accept and attempt to live out the concept of waiting until they get married to have sex? Abstinence is a tough sell. Trying to get a young adult to understand the idea of delayed gratification alone is hard, even grown adults have trouble with this. That’s why it’s important to present a holistic view of abstinence education. Here at Amplify we want teens to understand that abstinence is achievable and a very healthy choice aside from the other views. Now making a case for abstinence isn’t easy and it is important to show all benefits along with the risks of being sexual active before marriage. Our program covers supporting topics such as:
- The holistic nature of sex
- The consequences of sexual activity before marriage
- The pressures around them
- Healthy Relationships
- Marriage
- Goal Setting
- Character development
- Personal Testimony which shows the reality of the issues
As we come in contact with teens, our desire is provide the best and most accurate information available along with our genuine concern for their life and their future. This can be a huge challenge for us as we are limited with the time we have with the teens we serve. This again is where you come in. As parents it is so important that you continue this conversation. As you can see there is a lot to talk about and you need to be ready to answer their questions honestly and accurately.
Inspiration
Hey parents ! Just wanted to take a moment to share something inspiring that took place the other week. It’s not to often that we receive feedback from students or see the fruit of our labor. In this line of work… it is truly awesome to get a response like this.
“you came to my school last week with your wife and told us your story I’d rather not give my name, but thank you so much you and your wife’s story changed my life. To see every cause happen to real people was amazing. I’m sorry all of this happened but thank you both for sharing your story!! It honestly did change my life … Thanks again 🙂 “
Wow! I hope that this lifts your spirits and gives you hope that there are kids out there who are watching and listening to what we are saying. If you have an inspiring story you would like to share, please contact us @
What makes teens happy?
Hey Parents, if you are not signed up for our parent newsletter you are missing out on helping and encouraging information. This months newsletter was very interesting! Here is a link to the video that on the Today Show. Check it out.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/20373108#20373108
Now if you want to be encouraged, informed and refueled to deal with the challenges of being a parent of a teen, here is one way we can help. Go to the link below and sign up for our monthly newsletter and prepare to dominate the world of parenting!
Do Teens Listen to Their Parents?
Hey Parents! So, we’re back at the office talking about teenagers and brainstorming on tips for how to reach them. Time and time again we have this conversation. It’s kind of funny though, because in the end we come up with the same thing, the best way to reach teens is through conversation!
In a conference attended by a colleague and me, a presenter was explaining the importance of communication between parent and child. Within her presentation she said something very profound, “Parents tend to underestimate their ability to influence their teen’s choices and overestimate the influence of friends and the media. Teens continue to say that parents most influence their decisions.”
What’s your opinion? Do you believe this to be true? If so, what can parents do to encourage communication? If not, what can we do to work around the barriers or push past the obstacles?
Teenspot Follow UP
As a follow up to last week’s blog, I hope you had some time to check out the web site Teen Spot and some of the posts that where on there, especially under the teen issues title. The thought that there are actually kids going here for advice is a little scary. Well, let’s face it …it’s real scary. I’m sure that there are a lot of other sites out there as well — some better, some worse. Either way these kids are dealing with a lot of complex issues in their lives and possibly have no one to turn to or nobody they feel comfortable enough with to talk about some of this stuff. By stuff, I mean sex. It’s a tough subject and can be real difficult to tackle. So first off, are we making ourselves approachable and/or accessible? If not, is the computer their only other option? Then the next question is, are we properly equipped to answer the questions they have and give the advice they need to hear without giving them another lecture?
What do we really need to teach our teens?
I was just introduced to the website www.teenspot.com. After viewing the homepage, it seemed pretty inviting to a teen…maybe even an adult. The website appears to want to inform our kids about all the latest stuff that’s going on. Then I scrolled down the page and found a section entitled “Teen Issues.” After looking at some of the posts under “Teen Issues” I started to wonder: who is really posting some of this stuff? Are these really teen issues? Should these even be teen issues? Most importantly, are these your teen’s issues?
Like Mother, Like Daughter
My first year of college, I did what most college kids do – I put on a few pounds. By no means did I gain the “Freshman 15” (although I probably had by sophomore year), but I was definitely a few pounds heavier. I remember coming home over Thanksgiving to spend time with my family. I was wearing a big baggy sweater and a pair of jeans. As we were preparing the meal for the day, my mother had me running to and fro, cleaning things, organizing the house, etc. At one point she asked me to reach to the top of a shelf to grab a serving bowl or some such thing. As I stretched, my sweater lifted and revealed my waistline. And from behind me I heard my mother say, “Wow, honey! Jeans a bit snug?” I was absolutely horrified. I felt wounded. Twelve years later, I still have not forgotten that moment.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my mother very much. She’s supportive, loving, easy-going. She is, most probably, the best friend I have in the world. But she has always had opinions about beauty and body type. Our family has a very specific build. From when I was very small, I was told I had the “family chin” and “family behind”. I figured these were unattractive things. I was also told that I would never have truly nice legs – they just didn’t “run in the family”. Imagine my surprise and my complete delight when, once we were happily married, my husband told me he loved my legs and my rear end.
I found an article today that I want to share with you. It interested me because in less than 2 months my husband and I will be joined by our first baby girl. I constantly wonder what it will be like to have a daughter. It also called to mind all of the above memories and comments I shared. This article talks about the necessity of mothers having a healthy body image, so that they can communicate that to their daughters. It also talks about letting your daughter be an individual, and what a struggle that can be. Check out the full text here: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/30457264/
It Takes A Village
I’m sure you have heard the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” It’s a proverb I think we’ve lost sight of in our culture these days. American families are autonomous – we worry about our own kids, our own lives, but not so much about others’. Oh sure, we might discuss other people’s lives, but do we actually share in the responsibility of caring for their children? Or disciplining them? Usually not.
This article addresses that topic extremely well. Take a look, parents. It doesn’t directly relate to teenagers and sex, but it does talk a lot about setting boundaries and enforcing expectations.
I believe the article is encouraging. It has some great practical examples of boundary setting to use with younger children, and my hope is that the practices mentioned can be transferred over to working with our teens as they deal with more mature discipline or boundary issues.
Basically, parents, it is okay – even good – to pronounce the, “When you’re under my roof, my supervision…” law with your own teens, as well as with their friends. Perhaps if more parents were unafraid to do this, we’d recreate the “village” needed to care for our kids.