Teen Decision

Gaming. Is it Ruining Boys?

Posted on August 29, 2012 by Tori

An interesting graphic (link here) reveals some startling statistics about boys and gaming, and connects the dots to conclude that gaming may be a contributor to a host of ills among boys, including lower grades, lower SAT scores, and higher dropout rates. While it’s impossible to say that gaming is a cause of these things, it’s a legitimate concern.

Why the focus on boys? For one thing, four times as many boys as girls exhibit signs of addiction to gaming. Fifty percent of boys (versus 14% of girls) admit to owning a “Mature” or “Adults Only” game. In addition, a Stanford study indicates that boys’ brains are more wired to receive rewards from gaming.

Video-game-addiction.org has a wealth of information for teens and parents (and adult gaming addicts as well), including symptoms of addiction, a list of the most addictive games, and suggestions for treatment.

Teens Empowered

Posted on August 22, 2012 by Tori

Move over Lady Gaga; hello Gabby Douglas and Jordyn Wieber. As reported on E! News From London, “According to the IOC, NBC’s ratings for the London Olympics among teenage girls is a whopping 89 percent higher than those for Fox’s smash hit Glee. ‘The younger demographic has come back,’ IOC marketing director Timo Lumme said in a press conference Tuesday. ‘Teenage girl viewership is up 54 percent.'”

In an age when media role models are appallingly scarce (at least good ones), it’s heartening to know that girls have athletes to look up to. These are strong, fit, girls with character, who also have handled disappointment (in Jordyn’s case) with class and grace, and success (in Gaby’s case) with humility and thankfulness. I’ll bet, behind each young woman or young man, is a mom and/or dad who encouraged and supported their child to dream, and to achieve. Let’s remember that even if our son or daughter isn’t destined to be an all-star athlete, we can be their best cheerleaders as they move through adolescence into adulthood, becoming the people we know they can be.

Heroin Use Exploding in Suburbia

Posted on August 13, 2012 by Tori

Surely not HERE? That’s what suburban Chicago parents think when they hear the word “heroin.” But according to Jack Riley, an agent with the Drug Enforcement Administration, there has been an alarming spread of teen use of heroin in our area. An article in the Chicago Tribune in July reported Riley’s observation that “heroin has become cheaper and more potent in the last four or five years,” stating that a hit can cost as little as $10.

An earlier Tribune article last March on the surburban heroin problem included the shocking news that “Among Naperville teens, there was a 78 percent increase in felony drug arrests in 2011 over the previous year and a 450 percent increase in heroin arrests during that time.” But it’s not just Naperville facing this problem, it’s all DuPage towns along I88, sadly termed “Heroin Highway” because it serves as a route for the drugs which come from Chicago’s west side.

Naperville parent Amy Miller, who lost her daughter to heroin last Winter, advised parents (see Article HERE): “If you are suspecting they are using drugs, do everything in your means, don’t be embarrassed like we were,” she said. “Don’t try to handle your problems by yourself. Do everything you can, contact everyone you can.” The article has information on how to recognize the signs of heroin use, and also recommends, “Parents should snoop around and go into their kid’s rooms, check their phones, check their car, if possible get their Facebook password, said Pam Witt, a district 204 social worker.”

With Chicago the “heroin capital of the world” according to authorities, parents need to be ever vigilant about keeping an eye on what their teens are doing, and with whom they hang out. Their lives may depend on it.

Defining Sex, and What is Safe

Posted on August 7, 2012 by Tori

I think it’s time for a reminder. Sex is NOT just about losing one’s virginity. A Fox News article out today had this confusing (to me) title: “Teens Who Don’t Have Sex Still at Risk for HPV Infection.” Since HPV is a sexually transmitted disease, what did they mean? The problem was that the article didn’t clearly define what was meant by “sex.” Generally, our society defines sex the same way teens do…as intercourse. However, as we clarify to teens in our classroom discussions, thinking of sex in terms of “sexual activity” is a more valuable way to think about sex, since other kinds of sexual activity bear risks as well. The article went on to clarify that a recent study indicated that HPV is being “transmitted through genital-to-genital, or hand-to-genital contact” as well as the more common modes of transmission: vaginal or anal intercourse. The article didn’t cover the transmission of several STDs orally, including HPV, but that is happening as well. SO…here’s our definition of sexual activity (all behaviors that carry risk):

Intercourse, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, AND Touching of Private areas (whether genital to genital, or hands to genitals).

Abstinence is choosing to avoid all of those behaviors.

(To learn why condoms are not a safe solution, see this 2011 Amplify Youth Development newsletter article.)

Home Alone…and Having Sex

Posted on July 19, 2012 by Tori

When I get teens talking about situations to avoid, one of the ideas they come up with is “Don’t be home alone.” Indeed, this is a WISE idea. One study of urban teens showed that “Among the respondents who had had intercourse, 91% said that the last time had been in a home setting.” More often it was at the boy’s house. So teens on a Saturday night date making out in the back seat of the car may NOT be the most common impetus to sex. Instead, it’s an overabundance of unsupervised time…after school…during the summer…when parents are at work. “The likelihood of intercourse, the number of partners for intercourse, and substance use increased as the amount of unsupervised time increased.”

This is not surprising, of course. But what the researchers pondered about this bears thinking about. It might not JUST be a lack of opportunity that keeps some kids from having sex. It could be that parents whose children have less unsupervised time consequently have more time relating to their parents and siblings. They may be pursuing clubs, sports or other activities that give them a sense of purpose and self-esteem…and keep them occupied. Two teens, with hormones, and too many hours with nothing fun to do might just be bored. And that’s a recipe for a pregnancy or an STD. If the summer is stretching on, help your teen keep out of trouble by helping him or her come up with some plans to do something fun and productive.

Learning Foolishness via YouTube

Posted on June 19, 2012 by Tori

An article by Dr. Claire McCarthy points out that YouTube “multiplies the peer effect” when it comes to learning new, and sometimes risky, behaviors from other teens. When we parents think of peer pressure we often think of the specific social group a teen belongs to, or the culture in our child’s school. That’s a mistake, according to Dr. McCarthy, who says that with the internet, peers “becomes the whole wide world.” And that makes parenting even harder for moms and dads today. Some of the things that teens can research on YouTube are downright dangerous, like the (not new) “choking” game, which she discusses in the article. Her advice is the same I’ve often given…talk to them.

College Visits and Risky Behaviors

Posted on June 8, 2012 by Tori

Sometimes I feel like I’m rehashing things many parents already know. But a study has just come out revealing an opportunity I hadn’t thought of for teens to engage in risky behaviors: college visits teens make as they are choosing a college to attend. An article discussing the study, written by SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions), revealed that “…51 percent of teens who reported drinking during the overnight visit said they had done so for the first time. Fifty-two percent of respondents who reported engaging in some type of sexual activity during their visit indicated that they participated in behaviors in which they had not previously engaged.” If I were a parent, and my child said, “A couple of my friends and I are going to visit ____ College next weekend,” I think I might counter, “I’ll be happy to go with you to any of the colleges on our short list…let’s plan a visit to one of those colleges together.” The article has other suggestions for parents and teens considering college visits, so that they leave campus having had a good, safe experience.

Bad Language in Books Fosters Teen Profanity

Posted on May 27, 2012 by Tori

I’ve sometimes wondered about the profanity-laced conversations teens are having these days. Where is it coming from? Yes, I know that teens have always been tempted to add a little swagger to their social presence with a shocking word or two. But why has it become so much more socially acceptable to youth? Could it be their role models? A study of adolescent bestsellers revealed that there were 38 swear words on average in the 40 top-selling adolescent novels. This includes words coming out of the mouths of the some of the most popular characters in the Twilight and Harry Potter novels. The article revealing this states: “While bad language has been studied in film and on TV extensively this is the first to document its use in books aged at teens – which unlike over media have no content warning or age restriction.” It also points out that “From a social learning standpoint, this is really important because adolescents are more likely to imitate media characters portrayed in positive, desirable ways.”

The recommendation? “Parents should talk with their children about the books they are reading.”

Molestation. It Could Happen.

Posted on May 16, 2012 by Tori

This very serious topic came to the fore on two recent occasions. First, a pastor friend of mine included in his blog these statistics:

The average child molester will molest fifty girls before being caught and convicted.
A child molester that seeks out boys will molest 150 boys before being caught and convicted and he will commit at least 280 sexual crimes in his lifetime.
The standard pedophile will commit 117 sexual crimes in their lifetime.
Most sexual abuse happens between the ages of 7 and 13.
There are over 491,720 registered sex offenders in the United States.
80,000 to 100,000 of the above offenders are missing.
Molesters known by the family or victim are the most common abusers. The Acquaintance Molester accounts for 70-90% of reported cases.

Sadly, that last statistic points to a real problem: family or acquaintance abuse. One day, a young lady came up to one of our educators after class, and asked what to do if her father was making her have sex with him. This is not the first time that our visit to a classroom has led a teen to reveal that a trusted family friend or relative was sexually abusing a child. As sometimes happens, this teen had told another family member, but the response was insufficient, and she did not feel protected from the perpetrator.

Sometimes, the news is so shocking that a young lady (or young man) might even be met with suspicion and disbelief. This should never be. Let you sons and daughters know that they may hear about, or know someone who is facing molestation, and the information should NOT stay hidden, but that a trusted adult should be told. More than that, if a teen is not believed, he or she should find another adult who WILL believe them. We owe it to our children to be that trusted person who will fiercely protect their right to a safe environment. And our teens need to hear from us that we are willing to be that person in their life, and even in the lives of their friends.