4A’s of Effective Parenting

Posted on by Tori

It’s funny to me how I never tire of hearing the words, “I love you.” I’m an auditory person – I love verbal praise and encouragement. I may know I have done something well, but I love it when those nearest and dearest to me confirm it to me in a very specific way.

That said, today, parents, I thought I’d post a page from our Parenting Abstinent Teens presentation. It’s concise, and although I’m sure many of you know the common sense of the advice, it’s a good reminder.

  • Affection: “I love you.”
  • Affirmation: “You are valuable.”
  • Advice: “Let me share with you.”
  • Accountability: “What happened?”

Teens need all four of these areas of their lives addressed. Don’t be afraid to speak out, parents. Feel like they’re rebelling? They still need to know of your love. Do they seem egotistical? Share with them what their real value is. Think they’re overly independent? See our earlier post (Brains & Beauty) on sharing wisdom. Remember that all kids need boundaries. State them clearly. Hold your teen accountable to his or her actions. Believe it or not, they actually prefer the freedom to move within a limit, over no boundaries at all.

Is it like an allowance?

Posted on by Tori

Parents, what do you think?

Check out this article I read today, which says that several schools in D.C. have set aside $2.7 million as a motivational tactic for student achievement. Yup, they want to pay kids to come to class.

 I don’t know about you, but I was never one of those students who was rewarded for getting high grades. I was told to work for them, expect them, and then be proud of what was written on my report card. Seeing that A or B was enough for me.

Are things so different today? Do our students really lack that much motivation to attend class (and be on time)? Send us your comments, parents. Should schools be paying students to attend class or not? Is this a brilliant example of “thinking outside the box”, or is it just… crazy?

Dream with your child

Posted on by Tori

When we discuss the reasons why teens have sex and the reasons why they wait, one aspect of teen decision-making that frequently comes up is being “goal-oriented.” Teens that believe they have a lot to look forward to in life are much more likely to wait to have sex (and to make countless other positive choices!).

So…dream with your child! Here are some suggestions to get you started:

  • When your child wants something, give them a short-term goal to work towards as they “earn” the gift. (Not for every gift, but for some!)
  • Ask “dreaming” questions: not just “where do you want to be in 15 years?” but also “What would be the coolest thing that could happen to you at school this year?”
  • Teach your child to plan and anticipate by planning and anticipating together. For a daughter, you might plan and shop for a special outfit to wear to a concert, holiday, or event. For a son, you might consider putting together a project to complete, or planning and executing a special meal for the family.

There are endless possibilities. Just keep in mind I want to help my child realize there are tons of things to look forward to in life. You just have to look for them!

Parents who say “NO”

Posted on by Tori

When it comes to sexual choices, do you know what our kids need the most from us as parents? t’s not our friendship. It’s our confidence that they can say “No” to sex when confronted with hormones, peer pressure, and the desire for a relationship. Many voices in our culture say, “They’re going to do it anyway, so let’s help them protect themselves.” But if we give them condoms or get them a prescription for the pill, are we really protecting them? Let’s consider some sobering facts: 

  • The 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, supplemented by data from other sources, showed that 48% of women with an unintended pregnancy said they were using birth control during the month they got pregnant.

  • Some of the most common STDs (HPV, genital herpes, trichomoniasis, and syphilis) are contracted through skin to skin contact or through contact with an infected area. Condoms do not cover the entire genital area and are therefore much less effective in preventing the transmission of these diseases than they are in preventing other less common STDs.

  • No condom or pill can protect the hearts of our children. Sexually active teens are more likely to commit suicide, be depressed, struggle in school, and abuse drugs and alcohol.

The American Medical Association reported on a recent study that showed that children whose parents had higher expectations for them had higher school achievement and exhibited less risk-taking behavior. Also, children whose parents disapproved of early sexual activity postponed sexual intercourse. So, because we love them, we need to communicate that we expect them to make the healthiest, safest choice…to say “No” to sexual experimentation, and “Yes” to the future they dream of.

Great Expectations

Posted on by Tori

Recently I had a conversation with a parent about how he should discuss sex with his teenage son. His dilemma is one that I’ve heard from many parents just like him. To begin, I asked “What do you want for your son as far as sex is concerned?” His response, like so many other parents, was “Well, I’d like for him to wait for sex until marriage but I know that’s unrealistic.” When asked why he thought that was unrealistic he replied “Well, everybody’s doing it these days. And besides, I can’t expect him to wait…I didn’t.” Continue reading Great Expectations