“I Wasn’t Even Looking For It!” Teen Exposure to Sexual Images.

Posted on by Tori

Readers of this blog may be convinced by now of the negative effect of pornography on the minds and behavior of teens.  I’ve written about it before.  Briefly, here is a partial list of social and interpersonal ills connected to viewing porn: marital instability, divorce, insensitivity to sexual violence in relationships,  earlier sexual debut (first sexual experience),  inaccurate views of “normal” sexual behavior (those viewing more pornography, for instance, believed that over 30% of people engage in group sex), and a host of other warped ideas about relationships.

The Crimes Against Children Research Center found, in a 2005 study, that 66% of teens that had been exposed to pornography had not sought it out.  It came to them. 

Today, I want to give you a nudge to take ACTION to protect your sons and daughters.  There is a free service, called Family Shield, from OpenDNS that I’ve seen mentioned repeatedly as a good place to start in the war against the intrusion of these  damaging images into young minds.  This LINK is to a somewhat “techy” article, but at the bottom it walks you through a “how to” on setting up this internet blocking software for your home.  It also includes a link for Family Shield.  

What about blocking sexual images on your teens’ smart phones?  This article has ideas on how to do that.

Free showing of documentary, Miss Representation, May 8

Posted on by Tori

A documentary has been getting a lot of buzz, and hits on some very important topics for parents to consider.  Miss Representation is an award-winning film (shown on the Oprah Network last October) that looks at the portrayal of females in media, and how it affects not just girls and women, but boys and men as well.  This important documentary is being shown free to the public at Glenbard West High School Tuesday, May 8 from 6:30-8:30 p.m., followed by a discussion with the film’s director, Jennifer Siebel Newsom.  The film’s website says, “In a society where media is the most persuasive force shaping cultural norms, the collective message that our young women and men overwhelmingly receive is that a woman’s value and power lie in her youth, beauty, and sexuality, and not in her capacity as a leader. ”  Click HERE to see an 8-minute trailer for the movie, or HERE for a shorter one.  WARNING:  There are some graphic images of partially clad women in these trailers in sexual situations.  If you try to keep your eyes from these kinds of images, you should perhaps NOT watch the trailers or the  movie.   The message in the movie is mixed in with a particular political stance that you may or may not agree with, but the focus on media and its portrayal of women is undeniably powerful and important…and could lead to some good discussion.  I would consider especially taking daughters to this movie.

Help in Raising Confident Girls

Posted on by Tori

By now, most people are aware of the challenges particular to girls in today’s cutthroat world.  A worthy organization based in Downers Grove is doing something to equip parents to raise confident, strong, happy girls.  HGNA (which stands for Helping Girls Navigate Adolescence), describes its mission this way: “HGNA understands the challenges and frustrations facing today’s girls—everything from narrowly defined attributes of “beauty” to the groaning pressures of grades, extracurricular activities and boys. Our goal is to provide resources, guidance and support to the girls of our community, helping them withstand the unhealthy pressures of the culture as they grow in strength and maturity.”

If you are a parent of an adolescent girl, check out HGNA’s website to find out about their upcoming events (which are very reasonably priced), such as the upcoming March 12 event, called “Chick Chat,” and a concurrent shorter workshop for parents, “Mom and Dad Chat.”   This is just one of many events and workshops they offer, including some for older teens, parents, and even one that includes boys.

Even if you aren’t interested in these events, their website is worth visiting for its great resource page, which has information on relational aggression (bullying) and an excellent booklist for parents on raising girls.

When you are faced with a shocker…

Posted on by Tori

Once, at a social function, I found myself telling the woman next to me about how I had this great job talking to teens about sex.  She gasped, grabbed my arm, and told me she had just intercepted a letter from a girl her middle school son barely knew, in which the girl offered to lose her virginity with him.  Naturally, she told her son “Don’t do it.”  “Did you say anything else?” I queried.   “Not really” was her reply, as she explained that she wasn’t sure how to handle the conversation.  We were able to talk a bit more about how prepare for this new phase of her teen’s life, and she signed up for our parent newsletter, which she has found helpful.

For all those moments in life when you find yourself facing a new parenting challenge, don’t you wish you had a group of fellow-travelers to discuss these things with?  Our monthly Parent Connection group, which I (Tori Libby) lead, meets over a different topic each month, and provides a chance to both learn and share our current challenges.  We had both men and women at our first meeting, and we welcome YOU to join us any time!  Our next meetings will be July 27 and August 31.  Go to TalkDupage.com, and you’ll find more information under “Upcoming events.”

Hooked

Posted on by Tori

Parents,

There’s an excellent resource out there, one that’s fairly new on the bookshelves. It’s a book called Hooked, written by Dr. Joe Mcilhaney and Dr. Freda Bush. It’s a study on how casual sex (i.e. the rampant “hook up” culture that exists today) affects teenagers and young adults.

These doctors study the brain’s activity, specifically in relation to what happens to people as they engage in sexual activity. The results are rather astounding.

 It’s an easy read, something you should definitely check out. If you are curious to hear more, check out this article here that lists other books written along the same line.