A Prom Baby and Thoughts about the Difficulty of Single Parenting

Posted on by Tori

Last week I found myself in a car dealership looking at cars since I’m thinking of passing my old Toyota on to one of my daughters.  In making small talk with the salesman, he asked what I do.  I laughed and said I have an odd job: I talk to teens about sex, dating and relationships, and help them think through their choices, so they can have the future they hope for.   This young man nodded knowingly, and said “I was a Prom baby.”  He went on to explain how his Mom was on track to graduate with honors and get into a great college.  But that cute, hot football player…well, things just happened.  I asked if she ever went to college.  He said no, and that after a shotgun wedding and two other children, his parents divorced.  Sadly, his sister is now a single parent, having gotten pregnant before college as well.

This is an increasingly common story. Forbes magazine recently noted: “Turn back the clock 30 years, and less than 20% of births occurred outside marriage. Today the rate is 41%.”  When I talk to teens, I always point out what a heroic job single parents are doing, and that it’s really, really tough to do what is really a two-person job.  As outlined in the Forbes magazine article, by almost any measure single parenthood is tough, and children growing up in single parent homes have an uphill battle, more likely to experience lower education levels, poorer paying jobs, poverty, and becoming a single parent as well.

As parents, whether or not we found ourselves on that road, we hope for a different path for our precious sons and daughters.  Indeed, a reminder of the difficulties of parenting at a young age, often alone, is enough to spur us on in our quest to help our teens choose abstinence.

Action Idea:  Look for a chance to discuss the difficulties of single parents the next time your child comes home with a story about someone getting pregnant, or when your teen watches “Sixteen and Pregnant” or similar shows on TV.

Defining Sex, and What is Safe

Posted on by Tori

I think it’s time for a reminder.  Sex is NOT just about losing one’s virginity.  A Fox News article out today had this confusing (to me) title:  “Teens Who Don’t Have Sex Still at Risk for HPV Infection.”  Since HPV is a sexually transmitted disease, what did they mean?  The problem was that the article didn’t clearly define what was meant by “sex.”  Generally, our society defines sex the same way teens do…as intercourse.  However, as we clarify to teens in our classroom discussions, thinking of sex in terms of “sexual activity” is a more valuable way to think about sex, since other kinds of sexual activity bear risks as well.  The article went on to clarify that a recent study indicated that HPV is being “transmitted through genital-to-genital, or hand-to-genital contact” as well as the more common modes of transmission: vaginal or anal intercourse.  The article didn’t cover the transmission of several STDs orally, including HPV, but that is happening as well.  SO…here’s our definition of sexual activity (all behaviors that carry risk):

Intercourse, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, AND Touching of Private areas (whether genital to genital, or hands to genitals).

Abstinence is choosing to avoid all of those behaviors.

(To learn why condoms are not a safe solution, see this 2011 Amplify Youth Development newsletter article.)

Lesser Known Eating Disorders to Watch For

Posted on by Tori

Anorexia and Bulimia.  That’s it, right?  I remember when we first started talking about these disorders.  It was when I was in college.  Two girls came to me (a senior in the dorm) and told me their concern that their roommate had bulimia (she did).  Fast forward to today and we find that there are many people (still mostly young women) who don’t fit the old categories of bulimia and anorexia, but still have a distorted relationship with food, and a poor body image.   These disorders are described in a Today (MSNBC) article, and include such things as an addiction to exercise, binge eating, and even an obsession with health or “righteous” eating which can actually lead to malnourishment.  We need to know how to help our children when they get sucked into an unhealthy eating pattern, but first we need to be able to see the truth of what our teen is dealing with.  Being aware of these other eating disorders is a start.

Piercings More Dangerous Than We Thought

Posted on by Tori

When it comes to piercings, many parents decide it’s not a battle worth fighting.  Until the piercings multiply.  Most of us have some unease with the “statement” a teen seems to be making with multiple piercings in increasingly “creative” places on the body.  The question of what to allow seems to boil down to two questions:  Do piercings make a “statement” we don’t want our kids to make?  And are piercings safe?  The Journal of Family practice reported on a study showing that multiple piercings DO seem to be correlated with some negative behaviors such as lower academic performance, greater drug use, and risky sexual behavior.   Recently, the Chicago Tribune reported on a study by Northwestern University that shows that a disturbingly high 20 percent of piercings result in bacterial infections.  Some piercings can cause other problems such as broken teeth, gum damage, interference with X-rays and MRIs, and even death from infections that reach the heart or other vital organs.  The article goes on to point out that nearly a fourth of millenials (those born in the 80s and 90s) are pierced somewhere other than their earlobes.

Leave it up to Youth to Make Cinnamon Dangerous

Posted on by Tori

Here’s another substance abuse fad to be aware of:  Taking the cinnamon challenge.  Even our governor, Pat Quinn,  got caught up in the challenge to down a teaspoonful of cinnamon in less than 60 seconds. He cheated, however, since the true challenge dictates that you do it without water, an impossible task. Videos showing teens spewing a cloud of cinnamon, gagging, hacking and spitting might at first seem funny, and many such videos have gone viral.  But what seems like a harmless prank, can in fact be quite harmful, and has led to hospitalizations for collapsed lungs and pneumonia.  So far, thankfully, there haven’t been any deaths.

Having a BETTER ‘Don’t Drink’ Talk with your Teen

Posted on by Tori

I read an article today that had great tips for parents on how to talk to their kids about the positive aspects of avoiding alcohol.  This was a new twist that I found refreshing, since we usually use scare tactics when warning about drinking (you could kill somebody, you might do something stupid, you have the alcoholism gene in your family tree, etc.).

What I found really valuable, is that it had step-by-step instructions for how to actually have that conversation.  Take a look HERE, and plan to set aside some time to have that conversation with each of your children.

Tanning Salons May Lie to Youth About Risks

Posted on by Tori

I’ve never gone to a tanning salon.  As a fair-skinned Swede, I’m genetically prone to skin cancer, and already got too much sun when I was a kid.  But my daughters have frequented tanning salons.  And at least once they were lied to about the risks of tanning beds, because I remember having an argument about it.

Well, it seems they weren’t the only ones lied to, because “when congressional investigators contacted 300 tanning salons, identifying themselves as fair-skinned teenage girls…. Ninety percent of the salons told them indoor tanning posed no health dangers. Seventy-eight percent claimed indoor tanning would actually improve health, preventing diseases ranging from arthritis to lupus.”  The article goes on to say that “Studies show the risk of melanoma goes up 75 percent when tanning bed use begins before the age of 30,” and points out that the rate of melanoma among women has gone up 50% since the 80s, when tanning beds began to proliferate.

Some states are beginning to pass laws restricting the use of tanning beds by minors, and Illinois is currently considering stricter laws, as reported last week.  The new law would ban anyone under 18 from using tanning beds in tanning salons.  Currently, Illinois law bans the use of tanning beds by those under 14, and 14- to 17-year-olds must get the consent, in person, of a parent, before he or she can use a tanning bed.

Sleep-deprived Teens Engage in Risky Behaviors

Posted on by Tori

Now that school is back in swing, and your teen can’t stay buried under the covers until noon like he might have during the holiday break, is he getting enough sleep?  A study of 12,000 teens by the Center for Disease Control found that 7o% of young people are not getting the sleep they need to face the challenges and temptations that come their way .  Lack of sleep negatively affects the prefrontal cortex, which in teens is still developing; this is the part of the brain that helps in making good judgments.  So teens who are sleep-deprived are not just at risk of performing more poorly in school, they are also more likely to engage in sexual activity and use cigarettes, alcohol or drugs.  They were also more likely to report being depressed or suicidal.  The takeaway is that they MUST get more sleep; it’s not just important to their performance in school, but in life.  The ABC report on this study also gives some great suggestions on helping your kids get a good night’s sleep, bettering their chances of having a better life.

One Reason STDs are Spreading Among Teens

Posted on by Tori

I can just hear the wheels turning in the minds of kids who have just been seriously unsettled by the revelation that about 1 out of 4 sexually active teens will get an STD by the time they graduate high school.  Occasionally someone will ask what the others are thinking:  “But what if its the first time for both of them?”  I give an honest answer, “Well, then they can’t get an STD.”  But then I follow up with a couple of questions:  “How do you know it’s someone’s first time…for SURE?  Do you think people ever lie about their  sexual pasts?”  Sometimes they even figure that if the other person has only had one previous partner, that’s not too bad, and surely doesn’t pose much of a risk.

Many youth, and adults, assume that it’s a small group of promiscuous teens who are out there spreading nasty diseases, but that doesn’t appear to be an accurate analysis of what’s really going on.  A study of sexual encounters at a midwestern high school showed a long chain linking many of the students.  “Of about 1,000 students at the school, 832 were interviewed and asked to identify their sexual and romantic partners over the previous 18 months. Just more than half reported having sexual intercourse….  Of all the pairings, 63 involved two students who had not partnered with anyone else.”  The article concluded that “Sharing of partners was rare, but many students were indirectly linked through one partner to another and another.”  Can you get an STD the first time you are sexually active?  You bet.   This study clearly has implications for the spread of disease, and is another reason why an abstinence message is all the more critical to the health and well-being of our children.

Some Teens Getting High on Cough Medicine

Posted on by Tori

It’s easy to think “It won’t happen in my family.”  That is, until the day your life changes forever.  That happened to Christy, whose 18-year-old son Ryan ended up with a 13-year prison sentence for an armed robbery he committed while high on cough medicine.  Christy described her family as a “normal” suburban family, and her relationship with her son as a good one.    Misty’s son Carl had been getting high with friends at sleepovers…again on high doses of cough medicine.  Unfortunately, Carl’s mom, Misty, found Carl dead one day, from a lethal mix of several drugs, including dextromethorphan (DXM), the active ingredient in many over-the-counter cough medicines.

These two moms have joined with others to get the word out about this danger to teens.  One in ten teens has gotten high on over-the-counter cough medicine, and one third of teens know someone who has taken cough medicine to get high.  Find out more at fivemoms.stopmedicineabuse.org.