Teens Who Don’t Have Sex Say It’s Because…

Posted on by Tori

“Among those teens who haven’t had sex, the primary reason they give for…well…not doing it is that having sex at this point in their lives is against their religion or morals, according to the most recent data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.”  This quote comes from a Washington Times op ed by Sarah Brown from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, in which she discusses the difference that faith may have on the sexual choices of teens today.  She continues, “Research makes clear that religion, faith, and a strong moral sense play vital roles in protecting teens from too-early sexual activity and teen pregnancy. In particular, being connected to a religious community has been linked with a decreased risk for teen pregnancy. Moreover, a survey we released this week suggests that the majority of Americans want more from religious groups rather than less. Some 52 percent of adults and 57 percent of teens think religious leaders and groups should be doing more to help prevent teen pregnancy.”

This leads me to a suggestion.  If any of you, among my readers, belong to a faith community, Amplify Development offers our program to you and you teens. We also do parent workshops.  Although the vast majority of our speaking engagements are in a secular forum–public schools–our message has broad appeal to teens in various settings.  From our website amplifyyouthdevelopment.com: “We work with both public and private institutions, ensuring that we teach our curricula in a manner consistent with the values of each of our partner organizations. Our program is based on current research about sexual health, bonding, and relationship formation. We are careful to teach in a sensitive manner that allows for multiple points of view while communicating the core message that abstinence from sexual activity outside of marriage is the safest and healthiest choice.”  If you want to bring our program to your youth group or community group, give Andrea Nelson a call at 630-493-1523.

Who is Protecting Our Children?

Posted on by Tori

Last month I wrote about Plan B (birth control ) being available to teens “as young as 15.”  That’s changed.  A district judge ruled that the FDA must comply with a court ruling to “make Plan B One-Step contraceptive pills available to women and girls of any age without a prescription.”  The Obama administration had opposed children having access to Plan B over the counter, but on June 10 abandoned its opposition according to a Washington Post article.

What is Plan B?  Someone who is concerned about the possibility of pregnancy takes Plan B (one or two pills, depending on the formula) within 72 hours of intercourse.  These pills contain high doses of a synthetic version of progestin, a steroid hormone.  The idea is to prevent ovulation, or prevent the sperm from fertilizing the egg, or if fertilization has happened, to prevent a fertilized egg from implanting in the womb.  This last result is the one that is controversial for those who believe life begins at fertilization.  It is controversial to a LOT of people that young children be given access over the counter to these hormones!

The thought that our young children could be convinced that “nothing will happen” and that a pill can be obtained to (supposedly) wipe away the consequences of a sexual act is more than disturbing to me.  In the 10 years I’ve been teaching in schools, I’ve seen the debut of sexual activity begin at younger and younger ages.  Indeed, sexual predators, molesters, or even just “players” use the excuse that “nothing will happen” (because we’ll “use a condom” or “take pills”) to pressure and persuade.  Early sexual activity simply puts children at risk of emotional, social, and physical consequences.

Young children (OUR children) obtaining powerful hormones without our knowledge seems to me to be a recipe for great hurt.

Girls Aren’t the Only Ones Who Feel Pressure to Have Sex

Posted on by Tori

One activity I do in classrooms reveals that teens THINK that guys always want the level of physical intimacy in a relationship to go “all the way.”  But I’ve also had boys reveal their real thoughts privately…and they’re much less cavalier in their attitudes about sex than everyone seems to think.  Indeed, I found a fascinating study from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy that talks about what boys think about sex and relationships.  I’ll be sharing findings in future blogs, but for starters, take a look at this advice from the report:  “Girls aren’t the only ones who feel pressure.  Reassure your son that he does not have to have sex. Nearly 8 out of 10 guys say there is way too much pressure on them to have sex—from society, from their friends, and from girls. More than half say they are relieved when a girl doesn’t want to have sex and 45% say they’ve had sex and regretted it afterwards. One in five (21%) say they have been pressured by a girl to go farther sexually than they wanted to. Boys can say ‘no’ too—even if they’ve said ‘yes’ before.”

Thigh Gaps and Flat Tummies

Posted on by Tori

The pressure never lets up it seems.  Just when my generation thought we’d freed ourselves from the girdles our mothers wore, now we find our daughters (and ourselves) squeezing back into uncomfortable and (according to an NBC report) potentially unhealthy “shapewear.”  The preoccupation with looks, and finding our self-worth in our attractiveness, is a plague on womanhood that marches on.  And now it’s not just constraining lumpy tummies and muffin tops, its also achieving the “thigh gap.”  Who knew?  Watch this report by NBC to find out more about this new obsession.

For heaven’s sake!  I haven’t seen the light of day between my thighs for at least 20 years.  And after trying shapewear, which my daughters insisted is a necessity (yes, I have a muffin top that threatens to overflow), I couldn’t wait to get out of it!  How I wish our daughters could know how little it matters if they are not the best-dressed, prettiest, or thinnest.  Moms and dads, let’s wage war on the warped message that their worth depends on externals.  TALK to your girls about what really matters. Build up her worth based on her character and her talents, not her conformity to our society’s standards of beauty.  And realize that females may be the ones putting more pressure on other girls than guys do. Dare I also ask you…moms…to examine the messages you are sending as well?  Does our example or our words also make our daughters feel like nothing if they don’t measure up physically?  If so, we need to change our own values first!

Pills Don’t Erase Consequences

Posted on by Tori

You may have already heard that the FDA just approved the “morning after” (Plan B) pill for over-the-counter purchase by teens as young as 15.  Those who believe young people can have sex without consequences are applauding this decision.  But those who care about the health and emotional well-being of teens are concerned.  There is a good argument that this is just one more message we send teens that we expect them to be sexually active, and that nothing will happen if they are.

As an educator, teaching teens about how to have healthy relationships (the healthiest choice being abstinence) I have had to keep up-to-date on condoms, pills, abortion, etc. as the “alternative” practices.  Yes, this drug can stop a pregnancy from continuing, but it’s not 100% effective. In fact, ads for the drug admit 1 out of 8 women WILL get pregnant despite taking Plan B.   No pill on the market does anything to protect teens from the epidemic of STDs they face if they are sexually active.  The CDC reports that half of all next STD infections occur among young people.  Indeed, Jeanne Monahan of the Family Research Council commented that “Additionally… a study released in 2010 revealed that adolescent use of Plan B was correlated with an increase in unplanned pregnancies and a high STD rate.”

And of course, no “protection” offered by condoms or pills does anything to protect the human heart.  The powerful bonding chemicals produced through sexual activity affect teens emotionally in lasting ways…something ignored when our culture merely tries to erase the consequences of teen sexual activity by encouraging teens to just pop pills.

Teens More Likely to Drink if Close Friends Do

Posted on by Tori

Teens who have good friends who drink are likely to get their first drink from a friend, rather than from family, revealed a study reported on by livescience.com:  “In the study, having pals who drank and had access to booze was the most important factor in predicting when a kid started drinking — trumping a teen’s own trouble-making tendencies and a family history of alcoholism.”

I couldn’t help but think of the times I, in my quest to be cool and popular, brought little “airline” bottles of alcohol (which I had gotten from my parents’ liquor cabinet) to the junior high dances.  And I appeared to most people, including the parents of my friends, as a “good kid.”  I wonder which of my friends back then were introduced to alcohol by me?

So be alert and aware, parents, to the influences on your teens.  And remember, that boy or girl who has been coming to your house since kindergarten may change, and take a different path from the one you want your teen to travel.

Worried About Your Teen’s Weight?

Posted on by Tori

A New York Times health and wellness blog on teens and weight got my attention, because it reported on a study that focused on parents’ and other adults’ (such as teachers or coaches) often well-meaning attempts to “help” overweight children.  The study found that parents can “tease” their children about weight, in a misguided attempt to prompt their children to lose weight.  Their motives are often out of love, knowing that being overweight is distressing to a child, and also draws bullying from peers.  But parents’ methods can create new problems.  

Reading about the things parents do that are unintentionally hurtful triggered a memory.  My now svelte sister went through a period in her teen years where she was mildly overweight, and I thought I recalled our father “teasing” her about it, so I asked her about it.  “Yes, he called me Fatso,”  she said.  My response was “That’s terrible.”  We agreed that Dad meant well, and truly did love her, but his method of connecting–teasing and humor–was hurtful and probably contributed to some later life consequences.  

So how can adults help children to attain a healthier lifestyle and weight (surely a worthy goal), without crushing their spirits or even, potentially, contributing to things such as eating disorders?  The article, which is worth reading in full, gives a lot of “dont’s” and a few “do’s” from Yale researcher Dr. Rebecca Puhl.  One “don’t” in the article is: “Don’t engage in ‘fat talk,’ complaining about weight and appearance, whether it’s your own, your child’s or a celebrity’s. Saying ‘My thighs are so huge!’ teaches your child it’s acceptable to disparage herself and puts way too much emphasis on appearance, says Dr. Puhl.” One “do”: “Focus on health, not weight. ‘Promote a healthy environment for everyone in the home,’ says Dr. Puhl, not just the child who is overweight.”

If you have an overweight son or daughter, and your attempts to help aren’t working, some of the blog’s suggestions might just help.

Cutting Sleep to Study is a Losing Strategy

Posted on by Tori

My daughter insists that she can cut sleep short for days on end before a major test or project…and still be “fine.”  I’m not in a position to turn out the lights on her (she’s in college), but parents of teens might want to consider doing that very thing.  An NPR article discusses the findings of a study that shows that more studying doesn’t necessarily lead to better grades.  The truth is, without adequate sleep students don’t learn as well.  The article suggests five strategies to help teens get the most out of their rest time:

1. Keep a regular sleep-wake schedule throughout the week. When your schedule varies by more than 60 to 90 minutes day to day (or school nights vs. weekend nights), this can have negative consequences for academics, mood and health.

2. Try to get 8 1/2 to 9 1/2 hours of sleep a night: Best for middle and high school-age adolescents

3. Keep a regular study schedule: Trying to study late at night interferes with a teen’s ability to get a sufficient amount of sleep, and may create an irregular sleep-wake schedule as noted above.

4. Minimize high-tech in one’s sleep environment and particularly in the hour before trying to fall asleep (such as: text messaging, computer work/games, watching videos, etc.). These activities will also interfere with falling asleep and might wake you up at night if you keep your cellphone on during the night.

5. Eliminate caffeine from your diet, particularly 3 to 5 hours before trying to fall asleep.

“Dusting,” a deadly trend among teens

Posted on by Tori

One of the things I try to do for for those who have teens in their lives is expose the latest foolish things young people are doing.  Most of the time, we catch them and no harm is done other than perhaps yelling an exasperated “What were you THINKING?”  But “dusting” is when teens take a can of computer dust cleaner and inhale it, and it can kill the first time.    The high it causes can lead to impairment while driving, and several deaths have already been reported due to drivers being high from “dusting.”  It’s easy and inexpensive to obtain, and the biggest abusers are eighth graders.  A CBS Chicago article describes the trend, pointing out these warning signs: “sudden weight loss, changes in mood, changes in friendships, acting confused and rebellious.”

Who, me? I can’t get pregnant!

Posted on by Tori

Despite all that our schools have done in educating teens, apparently girls (and women) are still deluded when it comes to their perception of their own fertility.  A recent study revealed that over a third of those who didn’t use contraception (36%) said they did not think they could get pregnant!  Is it any wonder that nearly 4 out of 5 births to teens are unplanned?  Let’s keep this in mind the next time an unplanned pregnancy is discussed on TV, or a teen pregnancy happens in school or in the neighborhood.  It’s a good time to point out to your son or daughter that a lot of people who don’t think it will happen to them find themselves in a really tough spot.  And why not follow up that comment with a reminder that the only 100% guaranteed method of birth control for teens is to remain abstinent until marriage.