Prom Insanity

Posted on by Tori

USA Today, in an article out last month, reports that teens (or is it parents) are now spending between $1000 and $2000 on going to the prom.  Am I alone in thinking this is insane?  OK, so I’m someone who has never had a professional manicure or pedicure, has never set foot in a spa, and got my wedding dress off the clearance rack.  I am probably more shocked by prom-gone-wild than the average parent.  But I wonder, are these expectations reasonable in this economic environment?  And are we setting up our teens to expect all the luxuries they want throughout life without consideration for the costs?  Worse, if a young man (or young woman I suppose) is spending so much for one night, is he going to expect to “cash in” with a romp at the hotel?  Just today I heard the story of a woman who recounted the first time she had sex.  Junior Prom.  It was the price she had to pay to get her older boyfriend, who didn’t want to hang out with high schoolers, to go.  She called it “prostituting” herself, but used rougher words  So sad.

Parents, it’s time to have a sober talk about expectations for prom.  It can be fun, focus on friendships, and leave no regrets.  Or…it can be quite different. Let’s ratchet down the expectations.  This is not their wedding night, and it’s not the pinnacle of life from which everything from here on out goes downhill.

Teens who Self-Injure

Posted on by Tori

If you have any contact with teens, you will eventually meet or hear about someone who has engaged in “cutting.”  Teens who harm their bodies are not suicidal, but are looking for a way to release painful emotions, according to an article on WebMD.  The article helps parents recognize warning signs, and gives advice on how to help teens who self-injure, quoting experts from SAFE Alternatives (based at Linden Oaks Hospital, in Naperville, IL).

I learned a few interesting things from the article.  Cutting is an accepted part of the “Goth” culture (but is not only done in that group), and is more common in girls than boys.  Wendy Lader, PhD, also states that “Very often, kids who self-harm have an eating disorder.  They may have a history of sexual, physical, or verbal abuse….Many are sensitive, perfectionists, overachievers. The self-injury begins as a defense against what’s going on in their family, in their lives. They have failed in one area of their lives, so this is a way to get control.”  This could hit any family, however, says Lader, who points out that “many kids who self-injure are simply ‘regular kids’ going through the adolescent struggle for self-identity”  Lader adds, “They’re experimenting.”

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Leave it up to Youth to Make Cinnamon Dangerous

Posted on by Tori

Here’s another substance abuse fad to be aware of:  Taking the cinnamon challenge.  Even our governor, Pat Quinn,  got caught up in the challenge to down a teaspoonful of cinnamon in less than 60 seconds. He cheated, however, since the true challenge dictates that you do it without water, an impossible task. Videos showing teens spewing a cloud of cinnamon, gagging, hacking and spitting might at first seem funny, and many such videos have gone viral.  But what seems like a harmless prank, can in fact be quite harmful, and has led to hospitalizations for collapsed lungs and pneumonia.  So far, thankfully, there haven’t been any deaths.

Teen Drug and Alcohol Use, the Good and the Bad

Posted on by Tori

It appears that alcohol use and smoking are at historic lows, a great success story, according to the CADCA (Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America).  Says CADCA Chairman, Arthur T. Dean, “These data show that when our nation systematically and comprehensively invests the resources to reduce access and availability as well as works to change norms and perceptions we can achieve major reductions in youth use rates. However, our nation needs to focus much more attention and resources on effective prevention strategies to reduce marijuana use and abuse,” said CADCA Chairman and CEO General Arthur T. Dean.

Which brings us to the bad news:  Marijuana use (including synthetic marijuana) is up markedly.  The CADCA reported in the article that: “In fact, the annual prevalence rates among 8th graders during the past two years are higher than any time since 2003. Also concerning is that the rate of daily marijuana use rose among all three grades, with 1.3 percent of 8th graders, 3.6 percent of 10th graders and 6.6 percent of 12th graders reporting that they smoked marijuana on a daily basis. Among high school seniors, the daily use rate is now at a 30-year-peak level.  Not only was marijuana use at greater levels among youth, but attitudes toward drug use, which are often considered indicators of future use, have softened with fewer youth reporting that they see a risk of harm in smoking marijuana.”

Teens Choosing Abstinence More

Posted on by Tori

An April 5 press release (quoted below) from the National Abstinence Education Association tells us that there is encouraging news for those who believe that abstinence is a viable choice for teens.

A report released today from the CDC indicates that teen birth rates have decreased by 37 percent in the past two decades.  This heartening statistic begs a closer look at the trends that have aided this decrease. Most noticeably, this encouraging statistic has been the result of a surprising trend among teens that, according to another recent CDC data report, they are choosing not to have sex. 2006-2008 survey results from the National Center for Health Statistics indicate that 68% of boys and 67% of girls (ages 15-17) have not have sexual intercourse and that overall sexual contact trends are also moving in the right direction. 53% of boys and 58% of girls report never having had oral, anal, or vaginal sex with anyone.

“While these statistics certainly do not mean that teen sexual activity is not an issue of concern, they do compel us to examine what is working and what is causing teens to reject the ‘everybody’s doing it” myth promulgated in the media,” stated Valerie Huber, Executive Director of the National Abstinence Education Association (NAEA).   Huber continued, “While some argue that teens simply need access to more birth control and devices, perhaps a closer look would show us that they need more support for the good decisions they are making to abstain. Current public policy has failed to recognize and support the positive behavioral trends among teens by failing to provide resources for comprehensive risk avoidance sex education.”

The report further indicates that contraceptive use is lowest and teen birth rates are highest among Hispanic and Black teen populations. For decades sex education for these populations has been primarily a contraceptive-centered approach. “Perhaps it is time to start believing that all teens can be empowered with the skills to resist early sexual activity. Let’s capitalize on what is working and increase the positive direction of teen sexual health”, said Huber.

Kissing…no big deal?

Posted on by Tori

There is often spirited debate among teens  when they are asked if kissing is a big deal.  The final answer is…it depends.  More girls than guys seem to think it “means something.”  And with regard to where it leads, well that seems to depend on what KIND of kissing.  Is it the kiss on the cheek at the end of a date, or the kind where you are rolling around on the sofa with lips locked and limbs entwined? It seems, according to teens, that one is a lot closer to sex than the other.

A blog by a friend, Dave McDowell, described some of the history of kissing this way:  “Up until the 18th century in Europe, everyone kissed everybody all the time–like shaking hands–but apparently it created a real problem between men and women. Still does. In 1837, an Englishman, Thomas Saverland, brought suit against Caroline Newton for biting his nose after he had jokingly tried to kiss her. The judge ruled in her favor. In Puritan New England, Boston’s Captain Kemble was forced to spend two hours in the stocks as a punishment for his “lewd and unseemly behavior” of kissing his wife in public on the Sabbath after three years at sea. My how things have changed!”

Both of my children at some point have made conscious decisions not to kiss in a dating relationship.  One of them managed to have two high school boyfriends, lasting more than 8 months each, without kissing. She had no regrets, and said that it enabled her to keep her commitment to abstinence.  To find out how kissing can affect the body, and the emotions, click here for some interesting facts.  Besides the fact that kissing causes elevated levels of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, this article points out new facts you might use to open up a conversation with your son or daughter.  Maybe you could start by asking them this question:  “Do your friends consider kissing a big deal?”  It might lead to an interesting conversation during which you can encourage them to consider holding off on this intimate behavior in the interest of  maintaining a clear head, an unscathed heart, and the ability to keep a relationship from going farther than planned.

Sexting

Posted on by Tori

Definition: Much like cybersex, but over a cell phone. Sending nude or sexual photos via text-messaging.

 Don’t believe it? Do. I had never heard of it until today, when I found the term on two separate websites (www.onteenstoday.com, and www.cpyu.org). CPYU linked up to a truly shocking article in the Hartford Advocate. Read it here* (and be prepared). (NOTE: the original link is now gone, but here is a new article on the topic.)

Another article I read today cited that on average, kids are sending 50-70 text messages per day.

Now, obviously, not all your children’s text messages will be inappropriate. Many kids probably know that sexting isn’t all that smart of an idea (note Sarah’s comment in the article). And knowing this doesn’t mean that you should throw your kids’ cell phones in the trash.

But parents, it’s a good idea to talk to your kids about sexting, and the instantaneous consequences that result. Check their phones every once in a while to see what’s in them. You have the right to invade their privacy just a little bit.  It’s for their own good.

*Please note that the article is used purely as reference and does not reflect the opinions of W4YM.

Too Much Too Soon?

Posted on by Tori

Recently, I was on a cruise to the Bahamas. On the third day of the cruise I decided to go to the bow of the ship for some peace and quiet. After I found a spot, I nodded off for about five minutes, only to be awakened by the conversation of three women who had placed their lounge chairs next to mine.

Because they were so loud, I was so comfortable, and they seemed not to mind, I sat there and listened to their conversation. The conversation was about one of the women’s teenage daughter and her boyfriend (obviously high school students). However, it was far from what I expected. The mom was upset because she felt her daughter’s friends were jealous of her daughter’s relationship with her boyfriend. “I told her they’re just jealous and you should not let them ruin your relationship. Ryan’s a great kid and you two are great together.” Continue reading Too Much Too Soon?