Communication

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In the past we have addressed this topic and will continue to in the future. I can’t stress enough the need to have real meaningful conversations with our kids. Their peers have they ear all day long, then the teacher and then the TV. So how much time do we have to talk with them and what are we talking about? There are so many important issues to discuss with your child…drugs, dating, sex, global warming just to name a few. But what about the more important issues. The stuff that really matters to them. Maybe it’s the hot new video game or  latest fashion, the ball game the other night or what the plans are for the weekend. We need to take the time to have the small talk so that the lines of communication are open for the more serious discussions. If you start now, it will hopefully be much easier down the road.

 

Here are some things to think about when talking with your child, pre-teen, or teen:

What is your tone of voice? When you are talking to your son or daughter, how do you sound? Encouraging? Interested? Angry? Bored?

What is your body language? How do you look to your son or daughter? Try to sit or stand in a relaxed position. Don’t look “all tense.” Face your son or daughter. Look at him or her when you are talking and when you are listening.

What does your face look like? You say a lot when you smile, frown, roll your eyes, or tighten your jaw like you are angry. When you talk with your son or daughter make eye contact.

Are you listening, really listening? It sounds simple, but listening is very important. The best listening is called “active listening.” It means making eye contact, nodding your head in understanding, and having positive facial expressions.

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Do you know that 53% of high school students have not had sexual intercourse?

 

 Do you know that, according to one survey, two-thirds of teens who have had sexual intercourse wish they had waited?

 

 Do you know that when parents tell their teenager they want them to wait, their son or daughter is more likely to wait?

 

Your child really does want to hear what YOU think about sex. Really!

• 9 out of 10 teens (94%) think that adults should let teens know they should wait to have sex at least until they get out of high school.
• Nearly 9 out of 10 (88%) teens say it would be easier to avoid early sexual activity and teen pregnancy if they were able to have more open, honest conversations about these topics with their parents.
• 6 out of 10 (59%) teens say their parents are their role models of healthy, responsible relationships.

 

Last week I shared an article about the alarming number of STD’s that are infecting our sexually active youth. As many as one in four U.S. teenage girls have had a sexually transmitted disease. Did you know that more than 65 million Americans have an STD that can not be cured with medication? These include herpes, Hepatitis B, and HIV. Experts estimate that about 19 million Americans get an STD every year. One in two (50 percent) of every newly diagnosed STDs infects a teenager or young adult. That means that teenagers and young adults are getting infected with STDs faster than any other group in America. So as a parent what can you do? Talk to your child (often) about it!

Next week I’ll give some tips on how and what to say to make things as smooth as possible.

As Educators, when we enter schools and attempt to talk about and teach the issues of healthy relationships, dating, sex and abstinence we are finding that approaching these topics without touching on the benefits of establishing a relationship with God is difficult. So our question to parents is this, is it necessary to tie in the conversation about the importance of God in one’s life when discussing abstinence?

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt ill equipped to answer one of your teenager’s questions. Anyone? I found something that may help.

Questions Kids Ask About Sex: Honest Answers for Every Age, by The Medical Institute for Sexual Health, edited by Melissa R. Cox.

I’ve been reading this book for a few weeks now, and need to let you know, parents, it’s wonderful. It’s one of the best “How do I talk to my kids about sex?” books that I have ever read. When we teach parent workshops, parents appreciate the information we give, but are always seeking for more answers to the question, “What do I say when my teen says ______?” If you’ve ever wondered that, or doubted your ability to come up with the appropriate words to answer a question, this is where you can find it. Our former blog writer references the book in other parts of our website, but it’s a new read for me. And if you haven’t picked it up, you should.

It goes from early childhood all the way to college. Each chapter is geared towards a certain age group, and has a list of teen-FAQs. The answers to each question are written in such a way that parents could just repeat them, if they chose. By the college level, when young adults are heading towards marriage, they even give parents ideas of how to put their words in writing. (Now, I might personally still prefer the conversation, but for those of you who are letter writers, it’s a wonderful tool.)

Parents, check it out here. You won’t regret it.

I’ve been thinking about parent-teen communication a bit lately. I recently read the book, How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk. I was pleasantly surprised with some of the advice found between the covers of the book.  It’s full of practical tips and actual scripted conversations that can give parents ideas on how to navigate the rough communication waters of an emotional teen. Here’s a quick excerpt:

“Acknowledge your teenager’s feelings. Instead of dismissing your teen’s feelings or giving advice: Identify… Acknowledge… with a word or sound… Give in fantasy what you can’t give in reality… Accept feelings as you redirect behavior.”

 Along with that, I found an interesting article by Vanessa Van Petten from On Teens Today. I don’t always agree with her advice, but this article, on how to be a “parental sounding board” made sense to me. Check it out.