Teen Decision

Fathers’ Attitudes and Teen Sex

Posted on November 7, 2012 by Tori

Until recently, most studies focused on how mothers affect teens’ decisions about sex. But now, a researcher at New York University confirms what we might suspect…that dads make a difference too. An October 22 article in the Washington Post reported on the results of a study with this conclusion: “A new review of studies suggests that fathers’ attitudes toward teen sex and their relationships with their teens can substantially influence their teens’ sexual behavior, separately from the influence of mothers. The review demonstrated that fathers’ attitudes toward teen sexual behavior were linked to the age at which teens first had sex. According to studies included in the review, those teens whose dads approved of adolescent sexual activity tended to begin sexual activity earlier than those teens whose dads did not approve. An additional finding was that teens that were closer to their fathers tended to start having sex later.”

For my female readers, consider forwarding this on to the men you know who can be encouraged with the news that they CAN make a difference for the better in the lives of their children.

Share your thoughts about these results of a survey about abstinence education.

Posted on October 26, 2012 by Tori

Sexual Pics Reposted

Posted on October 22, 2012 by Tori

This article from TechCrunch reveals a phenomenon that isn’t all that surprising, although it is something that I am sure we all hoped wouldn’t happen to such an extent. Sexual pics, including those teens take of themselves, are reposted. Of course, that’s what we all feared would happen and was one of the reasons we told teens not to take such pictures in the first place…but was there any evidence that it was actually happening?

Now, the Internet Watch Foundation has given that evidence. Up to 88% of teens’ sexual pictures are reposted by “parasite websites,” even if the original picture was in a “safe” place. Teens may feel a false sense of security when they share an image via a social network that they think is secure, but once a digital image exists, in can be nearly impossible to erase entirely. So whether or not you have already discussed the dangers with your teen, talk to them again about protecting themselves by never taking sexual pictures in the first place. There is simply no safe way to take, store, or share such images!

And one more thing to keep in mind and discuss with your teen — why? Why take such pictures? The two main reasons that come to mind are peer pressure and the desire to be cool (as defined by a culture rife with pornography). So when you talk to your child, make sure they understand that no one, not even a boyfriend or girlfriend, should ask them to take sexual pictures. If someone asks them to do so, report it to an adult. And if they think it is cool, help them to understand that sexuality is not a tool to be used for fortune, fame or respect. That might be difficult in today’s age, but we must stop defining people by their sexuality and start holding up role models who exemplify something other than sexual appeal or prowess.

Who, me? I can’t get pregnant!

Posted on October 21, 2012 by Tori

Despite all that our schools have done in educating teens, apparently girls (and women) are still deluded when it comes to their perception of their own fertility. A recent study revealed that over a third of those who didn’t use contraception (36%) said they did not think they could get pregnant! Is it any wonder that nearly 4 out of 5 births to teens are unplanned? Let’s keep this in mind the next time an unplanned pregnancy is discussed on TV, or a teen pregnancy happens in school or in the neighborhood. It’s a good time to point out to your son or daughter that a lot of people who don’t think it will happen to them find themselves in a really tough spot. And why not follow up that comment with a reminder that the only 100% guaranteed method of birth control for teens is to remain abstinent until marriage.

A Prom Baby and Thoughts about the Difficulty of Single Parenting

Posted on October 7, 2012 by Tori

Last week I found myself in a car dealership looking at cars since I’m thinking of passing my old Toyota on to one of my daughters. In making small talk with the salesman, he asked what I do. I laughed and said I have an odd job: I talk to teens about sex, dating and relationships, and help them think through their choices, so they can have the future they hope for. This young man nodded knowingly, and said “I was a Prom baby.” He went on to explain how his Mom was on track to graduate with honors and get into a great college. But that cute, hot football player…well, things just happened. I asked if she ever went to college. He said no, and that after a shotgun wedding and two other children, his parents divorced. Sadly, his sister is now a single parent, having gotten pregnant before college as well.

This is an increasingly common story. Forbes magazine recently noted: “Turn back the clock 30 years, and less than 20% of births occurred outside marriage. Today the rate is 41%.” When I talk to teens, I always point out what a heroic job single parents are doing, and that it’s really, really tough to do what is really a two-person job. As outlined in the Forbes magazine article, by almost any measure single parenthood is tough, and children growing up in single parent homes have an uphill battle, more likely to experience lower education levels, poorer paying jobs, poverty, and becoming a single parent as well.

As parents, whether or not we found ourselves on that road, we hope for a different path for our precious sons and daughters. Indeed, a reminder of the difficulties of parenting at a young age, often alone, is enough to spur us on in our quest to help our teens choose abstinence.

Action Idea: Look for a chance to discuss the difficulties of single parents the next time your child comes home with a story about someone getting pregnant, or when your teen watches “Sixteen and Pregnant” or similar shows on TV.

Many Celebrity Searches Lead to Bad Sites

Posted on September 30, 2012 by Tori

Emma Watson, Selena Gomez, Jessica Biel. Besides being celebrities, they also share the distinction of being in the top 10 celebrity searches that lead people to dangerous websites. According to a McAffee report, “Cybercriminals follow the latest trends, often using the names of popular celebrities to lure people to sites that are actually laden with malicious software that are designed to steal passwords and personal information. Anyone looking for the latest videos or files to download could end up with a malware-ridden computer along with the trendy content. This year, searching for a celebrity name with ‘free downloads’ and ‘nude pictures’ as part of the search term resulted in the highest result of risky sites.”

So, it’s time for a little parental instruction so your teens can be careful as they surf the web. If you’ve been wondering why the computer is going so slow lately, this could explain it. You can clear your computer of malware by downloading free security software. Since downloads themselves can be malicious, a good way to be sure you find safe software is to go to CNET.com (LINK HERE) for safe download links. In fact, the most popular link, at the top right column, is the free security software that our family uses…AVG.

Dating Gone Bad

Posted on September 20, 2012 by Tori

Just today, I asked a class of junior high students to stand up if they either knew someone who had dated a jerk, or had dated a jerk themselves. EVERY student stood up. By the time we see kids at the end of high school, there are a lot of cynical, bitter young men and women who don’t hold out much hope for finding someone kind and respectful to date. So how can you help your teens recognize bad behavior…before they get themselves deep into a relationship?

From loveisrespect.org, the “Power Wheel” provides an amazing and powerful tool you can use to help your son or daughter recognize various examples of bad behavior in relationships. Each segment of the wheel has a video you can click on, where teens act out a story line which illustrates various abuses of power (such as intimidation, controlling behavior, isolation and exclusion, jealousy, etc.). This could be especially helpful if you suspect your teen or a teen you know might be in an abusive or controlling relationship, or might be heading toward BEING that controlling, abusive dating partner. Watching the videos together, and discussing them, would be a great talking tool as you prepare your teen to insist on and expect respect in his or her current or future relationships.

Teens Viewing Porn. What’s the Harm?

Posted on September 14, 2012 by Tori

“As long as you don’t hurt anybody….” That’s usually the answer these days when someone challenges a behavior that used to be considered “immoral.” But isn’t morality an outdated concept? Interestingly, 70% of people viewing porn consider their activities “secret” according to an MSNBC study. Psychology Today reveals that this may be because “Porn appears to bathe our brains in neurochemicals that lead to shame.” With 45% of teens saying “their friends” (ahem…maybe themselves?) view porn, there’s a lot of shame going around.

Even if one removes morality out of the picture (although I don’t advocate that!), there IS still reason to combat the use of porn in our culture. Take a look at this helpful graphic from fightthenewdrug.org displaying the harm porn can cause. Because the youthful, still-forming brain is especially susceptible to porn, people are getting addicted at younger and younger ages. And sometimes those addictions bear rotten fruit, if not now, then down the road. Most of us know someone who has lost a job, lost a marriage, or even faced financial ruin because of his or her porn addiction. Many adults whose lives have been destroyed by a porn addiction would warn teens to not let it get a foothold.

The science is there. Porn messes with our brains. And it messes up our relationships. Fightthenewdrug.org looks at the harmfulness of pornography from a scientific as well as a social and emotional perspective. If you are concerned about your teen (or yourself or a spouse), you can find helpful information under the tab on their site entitled “Resources.”