Teen Decision

Heroin Use Increases Among Youth

Posted on November 14, 2013 by Tori

I’ve been reading articles in the past month about increased heroin use among youth in the Chicago suburbs. It’s enough of a concern that I wanted to pass on information about several meetings for citizens, parents, and youth. Below is an email, exactly as I received it from my town:

“Shining Light, NFP finds the latest news about an increase in heroin use in DuPage County, especially among young people, very disturbing. So much so that the West Chicago not-for-profit organization whose mission is to empower women and families through education and outreach, has partnered with Corpus Christi Church in Carol Stream to host an informational meeting on the subject. The meeting will be held on Sunday, December 8, 2013 at 3:00 p.m. at Corpus Christi Church, 1415 W. Lies Road, Carol Stream, Illinois. It hopes to bring people together to learn from various service providers including Alexian Brothers, Cadence Health, DG Counseling, Bartlett and Carol Stream Police Departments, Bartlett Countryside Funeral Home, DuPage County Coroner’s Office and more. Each speaker will present on the different experiences they have encountered with heroin in our communities. Attendees are encouraged to ask questions, even anonymously, and take-home resources will be provided. This meeting is open to anyone, and Shining Light, NFP encourages both youth (6^th grade and up) and parents to attend.

A second meeting for Spanish speakers will be held on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at St. Mary’s Church, 147 Garden Street, West Chicago, Illinois. For more information about Shining Light, NFP or either of these informational opportunities, emailinfo@shininglightnfp.org

Helping Teens When They Fail

Posted on November 7, 2013 by Tori

I just drove two teens to their third ACT test. They are on a quest to eek out a few more points in hopes of getting into the best schools. I remember taking the test just once, and not worrying much about it. Today’s teens seem to fear failure more than previous generations. And who can blame them? Failure, in the teen world, can be associated with being a “loser” or being “stupid.” John Eliastam writes in daddyzine.com that two trends make it especially hard for teens to deal with failure (which, after all, is inevitable). First, “Teenagers are especially prone to the instant gratification mentality and this can tempt them to give up if success doesn’t come quickly and easily. ” Second, parents can add unbearably high expectations. Says Eliastam, “From preschool, children are pushed to achieve, with competitive parents standing on the sidelines keeping score. This makes failure an almost impossible burden for a child to bear.” His article gives many suggestions under 5 categories for how a parent can be a “life coach” who helps his or her teen learn how to handle failure, learn from it, and persevere:

Getting Perspective
Developing Persistence
Learning Patience
Redefining Success
Avoiding the Comparison Trap

Porn addiction affects the brain

Posted on October 23, 2013 by Tori

Recently, a 13-year-old student told me in a note: “I really don’t agree about not having sex…but what you said about pornography is true, because I’m addicted.” I had described the role of certain brain chemicals activated through viewing porn, and the potential for regular viewers to become addicted. Besides the obvious connection between pornography addiction and attitudes about engaging in premarital sex, there is also the misery of living with an addiction, and the inability to live a free life. A recent study discussed in The Sunday News reported that “scans showed that a central portion of the brain which is stimulated in drug or alcohol addicts also ‘lit up’ when compulsive pornography users watched explicit material. There was no such effect in the brains of people who were not habitual users of porn.” The article went on to suggest that studies such as this might lead to greater pressure on societies to tighten controls on pornography.

Flesh-eating Recreational Drug Arrives in the Area

Posted on October 12, 2013 by Tori

This has to be the most frightening drug I’ve ever heard of…a drug called Krokodil, that destroys human tissue from the inside out. According to an article and video by local Fox News, users in Russia, where there has been an epidemic, typically die within 2 years of beginning to use this injectable drug. It is cheap to make, and gives a short but intense high, about “three times more potent than heroin” according to the article. But it destroys blood vessels, leading to tissue death near the site of the injection. Gangrene sets in, leading to skin with a “crocodile-like” greenish color and scaly appearance. People literally rot, can need skin grafts or amputation, and die from infection from the rotting tissue. This would be a good video to watch with your kids, as this drug has just recently appeared in the U.S. and is now showing up in Will County.

Is it Sibling Rivalry? Or an “In-House” Bully?

Posted on September 19, 2013 by Tori

When brothers Nate and Joel go at it at home, and there’s hitting and yelling, is it just to be expected? Or is it time to step in? Particularly when one child is always the aggressor, the answer is “Yes.” An article in the Chicago Tribune interviewed author and psychoanalyst Jeanne Safer about her work with patients who are carrying mental and emotional (sometimes even physical) scars from such childhood bullying. She says, “You’re bullied in your safe haven, in your bedroom, at the dinner table, in the backyard, when your friends come over. This is a problem hiding in plain sight.” The Tribune article cites a recent study that ties sibling aggression to “significantly worse” mental health in kids who experience this type of familial bullying. One thing Safer says when urging parents to have a no tolerance policy, is that “Parents need to tell the abused child, ‘You do not have to tolerate this, and I will help you defend yourself. I will get your brother or sister professional help, and I will not permit them to harm you.'” Parents who tolerate abuse, thinking that kids will toughen up, or work it out, are setting up both of their kids to suffer later. Your bullied child needs you to go to bat for him or her, and your child who bullies needs to learn now to change, rather than become an adult who continues to bully.

Safer Driving With Phone Apps

Posted on September 12, 2013 by Tori

My girls are now 23 and 25, and I do worry about distracted driving, but they are not under my roof anymore. Not so for you, dear reader! There are apps out there that can warn your teen when they are going too fast and that can email you an alert when a maximum speed (which you set) is reached. With rising deaths and injuries due to texting while on the road, you might consider an app that causes the ability to text to be lost when a preset speed is reached. I even read about one that many parents might find tempting…you enter in an address (such as girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s house?) and get an alert when your teen is within a 1-mile radius. If hanging out after school is off limits because no parents will be home, that might be handy if your teen tends to push the limits. If all this seems a little too intrusive (Who me? Snoop?), an article about such apps suggests openness with your teen about your intention to use such methods to monitor and protect your teen.

Wallowing in Cultural Sewage

Posted on August 27, 2013 by Tori

“Sewage.” That was the word that came to mind after I spent the morning reading about and watching clips of the MTV Music Video awards, which was rated PG-14 but should have been R. It was American culture at it’s worst, from Lady Gaga exposing her nude rear end, to Miley Cyrus’ lewd “twerking” (a word I had to look up) that even caused Will Smith and his children’s mouths to gape open. Oh, there was one word MTV bleeped out, “Molly,” referring to a form of ecstasy. But Miley’s simulated sexual act (I wouldn’t call that “dancing”) with the foam finger prop and up against Robin Thicke was beyond lewd and SHOULD have been censored. The New York Times described Cyrus as “molesting” Thicke. Comedian Kevin Hart joked, “Miley better get a … pregnancy test after all of that grinding.”

With two tunes currently in ITunes’ Top 5, “Wrecking Ball” and “We Can’t Stop,” Miley is a powerful pop idol, selling a powerful message to YOUR teens. These lines from Miley’s hit song, “We Can’t Stop” display the values being sold to our kids at every turn, and are worth discussing:

It’s our party we can do what we want
It’s our party we can say what we want
It’s our party we can love who we want
We can kiss who we want
We can sing what we want

Red cups and sweaty bodies everywhere
Hands in the air like we don’t care
‘Cause we came to have so much fun now
Bet somebody here might get some now

Another one to discuss (sung that night by Robin Thicke while Miley licked his chest and rubbed his crotch, etc.) is “Blurred Lines” which many say seems to give the message that when a woman says “No,” a guy can think (in it’s catchy repeated line) “I know you want it.”

By the way, I blocked MTV in my home. Yes, there is a place for censorship…when it involves my money, my kids, my values and my home.