We knew this, didn’t we? If you’re a teen who “parties,” you are more popular. The Chicago Tribune reported on a study showing that “Teens who reported occasional drinking and getting drunk tended to have higher ‘social connectedness’ than their abstaining peers.” Last year, this blog reported that teens who have good friends who drink tend to get their first drink from a friend, rather than their parents. It may be a good time to acknowledge, and bring out into the open, what is probably evident to your teen. Popularity may go up if he or she drinks and gets drunk…but that still doesn’t make it wise or desirable. Just having a lot of friends doesn’t guarantee quality friendships. Friends that are worth having care what happens to you, and want you to have a safe, healthy experience as you go through the teen years.
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Boys Deal With Body Image Issues Too
Most of what we read about body image issues focuses on girls who are trying to be model thin, or are obsessed with showing off their…curves. But boys are not immune to our culture’s unhealthy focus on appearance. A new study discussed in an online article by ANI News shows that boys who are of a healthy weight, but think they are too heavy or too thin, are more likely to be depressed. Those who think they are “very underweight,” are the most depressed. Boys who do not exhibit the bulging muscles of their peers, or of media celebrities, and experience bullying, are also more likely to use steroids, according to the article. Giving our boys a healthy sense of self, whether they are muscular and toned, or of a leaner or huskier build, is as important as making sure girls know they don’t have to look like an airbrushed sunken-cheeked model.
What Do We Tell Teens About Marijuana?
Colorado just legalized the recreational use of marijuana, and Illinois just passed a law allowing use of medical marijuana. Everyone is talking about pot, it seems, so I’ve been doing a little research, and wanted to condense what I found out for you.
There are some scientifically studied uses for medical marijuana (some more clearly successful, others not so much). Such uses, according to webmd.com, include pain relief (the most common reason for a medical marijuana prescription), relief of naseau from cancer chemotherapy, help with seizure disorders, relief from muscle spasms caused by multiple sclerosis, and a few other things. Marijuana can be administered in pill form, vaporized, smoked, or injested in a food product. One article reported on a study that showed that pills are more effective for pain relief than the smoked form, produce less of a high, and gives longer lasting relief. Not inhaling marijuana smoke also avoids the carcinogens you get when you smoke. I also learned that the FDA has not approved smoked marijuana for medical use and all marijuana use is still illegal federally in the 20 states (and Washington DC) that have legalized marijuana.
What else did I find out? There is evidence that teens are viewing marijuana more positively because of these changes in the law, and are using it more than they used to. So what about recreational use?
A very informative article by The National Institute on Drug Abuse explains clearly what is in marijuana, and how it acts on the brain, nervous system, lungs, etc. Here are a few things I learned from the article:
- Marijuana is about twice as addictive for those who start using it at a young age.
- Marijuana produced today is more than 3 times as potent as it was in the 1980s.
- Pot smokers have higher rates of respiratory problems and illnesses.
- It increases heart rate significantly, and some studies show increased risk of heart attack.
- A marijuana high involves “distorted perceptions, impaired coordination, difficulty with thinking and problem solving, and disrupted learning and memory.”
- “Users who began using in adolescence revealed a profound deficit in connections between brain areas responsible for learning and memory.”
- “People who began smoking marijuana heavily in their teens lost as much as 8 points in IQ” and the effects didn’t go away even after use stopped later in life.
- Its chronic use is linked to higher rates of psychosis and schizophrenia.
Teens Less Likely to Smoke When Parents Set Limits
If you sometimes feel like you don’t know how to guide your teen through the various minefields they face, then you are not alone. Am I being too strict? Will they rebel against too-tight boundaries? Or am I too lenient, and will they take advantage of opportunities to stray? In the area of teen smoking, a Chicago Tribune article offers advice based on a new study showing that “parents who set limits are less likely to have kids who smoke, regardless of their ethnic and racial backgrounds.” Apparently, a style of parenting “associated with rule enforcement, curfews and set bedtimes, was more likely to go hand in hand with so-called anti-tobacco parenting strategies.” The article reported that this type of parenting was linked to a lower chance the teen would initiate smoking at all. Specifically, the anti-tobacco strategies included things such as:
- Punishing a child if he or she has been caught smoking
- Discussing with the child the motivations behind smoking
- Talking about the dangers of smoking
Teens Who Walk and Talk On Cell Phones Risk Injury
It’s not surprising that a study reported on by USA Today shows that “cell-attached” pedestrians most likely to be injured are young people. The group at highest risk, 16- to 25-year-olds, experienced injuries ranging from “falling off walkways or bridges to walking in front of moving traffic.” In the 6-year period studied, the number of injuries almost tripled. As we prepare our teens to use cell phones wisely while driving, we shouldn’t forget to add in a discussion about distracted walking! The tweet, text, or Facebook message can wait until your child arrives safely at his or her destination.
Is Oral Sex Really the New Good Night Kiss?
I recently read a book titled, “Oral Sex is the New Goodnight Kiss.” I recommend it only for those who aren’t squeamish. Teens, often teens from “good” homes, are trading sexual favors for money, or a designer bag, or even the “promise” of a relationship. Parents often have no clue (isn’t that often the case?). The casualness with which teens are engaging in oral sex reveals they have no clue either! They embrace the idea that oral sex isn’t really sex, and that somehow it doesn’t count because you can’t get pregnant. And yet, research shows that oral isn’t merely a substitute for intercourse, since teens often loose their virginity close to the time they engage in oral sex, according to a report by the Center for Disease Control.
Here at Amplify, we don’t let teens get away with thinking that oral sex is no big deal. The truth is, it has social and emotional consequences, just like intercourse. And then there are the STDs you can get. We’ve written here before about the STDs students are getting from oral sex. Let’s be sure, when we talk about sex with our teens, that we are including cautionary words about ALL forms of sexual activity, not just intercourse.
He’s Hot, She’s Hot. Judging a Book by its Cover.
I wonder…how much do we really judge based on externals? “He’s hot,” “she’s hot” are frequent descriptors teens use in everyday conversation. We’re not immune as parents. Why do we secretly enjoy it when our kid dates an attractive guy or girl? Don’t we want our teen to believe it when we say “character counts”?
If we want to direct our teens to think about how they might be affected by a culture that values looks, perhaps the following provocative sayings might lead to interesting conversation around the dinner table tonight:
Boys think girls are like books. If the cover doesn’t catch their eye they won’t bother to read what’s inside. – Marilyn Monroe
That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful. – Ninon de L’Enclos
You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen. But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul’s own doing. – Marie Stopes
One story I tell in the classroom is about my 20-something friend who married a young woman who is attractive, yes, but not drop-dead gorgeous. Because he’s a really good-looking guy, his own mom didn’t show up at the wedding because he could have done better. Yet his bride has the kind of character we would all want in a daughter or daughter-in-law! Our culture says he lost out…but I say, “Well done!”
Why Teens are So Self-Centered
Well, that explains it! Recent research has determined that when our son or daughter exhibits a breathtaking lack of compassion and understanding, it’s because of a deficiency in the ability to experience empathy. Empathy refers to the ability to share someone else’s feelings or perspective…to “step into his shoes.” As in other areas, boys are a bit older when their ability to empathize increases–15 rather than 13 like girls–according to the research. In a Huffington Post article, Psychologist Barbara Greenburg gives 5 tips on helping teens develop empathy. Here are three:
- Point out social cues.
- Make your teens aware of how much impact their behavior may have on others.
- Praise your teen when he or she exhibits empathetic behavior.
Questions Teens Have About Sex
Perusing the internet for ideas for this blog, I could’t help but notice how MUCH interest teens have in sex. Not like it’s a surprise or anything…but they certainly are curious! So, parents, who’s going to fill them in? Their peers are certainly giving advice, much of which you wouldn’t agree with. TV shows aimed at teens tell them what’s “supposed” to be normal…often not messages you’d like your teen to absorb. Or they may look online, and that would open up a whole world of mostly bad ideas. SO…how about YOU giving them some answers? You could wait forever for your teen to approach you. So be proactive. As always, look for opportunities, and be prepared by thinking through how you want to address questions you teen might have about sex and dating. Here are some questions teens have, according to National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:
- How do I know if I’m in love?
- Will sex bring me closer to my girlfriend/boyfriend?
- How will I know when I’m ready to have sex?
- Should I wait until marriage?
- Will having sex make me popular?
- Will it make me more grown-up and open up more adult activities to me?
- How do I tell my boyfriend that I don’t want to have sex without losing him or hurting his feelings?
- How do I manage pressure from my girlfriend to have sex?
It wouldn’t be too hard to think of a LOT more questions teens have, but this is a good start. Remember, expressing a strong expectation that your teen will wait to have sex, makes it more likely that he or she will! But helping teens think through the reasons WHY waiting is healthier is the best way to make your advice hit home.
Is your teen bullying or being bullied online?
I’ve been reading about ask.fm lately. The buzz is about teens that have committed suicide after being bullied on the site. For all the teens that resort to suicide, often after being urged to kill themselves by anonymous bullies, there are many, many more that are living in fear and despair. Anonymity allows teens to act on their worst impulses. I couldn’t help but think of the soul-crushing guilt or loss of conscience that the bullies must feel when they face the very real consequences of their cruelty. Heaven forbid, that my child, or yours, could be that bully. Chicagonow.com has posted an article telling us what we need to know about ask.fm, including the following:
- As is true of Facebook and Twitter, you must be 13 to use it.
- Ask.fm allows anonymous objectionable content, which it does not monitor.
- Therefore, it’s being used for the worst type of bullying and sexualized content.
- Users can’t increase privacy settings, as you can with Facebook and Twitter.
- Ask.fm content can be linked to Facebook and Twitter, increasing the spread of the bullying.
- “A user can disable his/her account, even if the password is forgotten.” Kids have been known to lie about that.
- One user can block another, but the person can still view any interactions under any profile.
Action YOU can take: Find out if anyone is posting hurtful or sexual things. Ask if these “friends” are friends in real life. It’s OK to insist on transparency…sit down and take a look at your teen’s account. Advise your teen, “Don’t post anything you wouldn’t want your family to see.”