What’s the difference?

Posted on by Tori

Due to the diverse (and political) media coverage of sex ed in our schools, it is easy to be confused about who actually teaches what. For instance, proponents of so-called “comprehensive” sex ed tout it as medically-accurate, as if it were the only medically-accurate education out there. In reality, both programs teaching contraception and those teaching abstinence until marriage include helpful, medically-accurate information on teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

So what’s the difference? The difference lies in each program’s core beliefs about teenagers and sexuality. Programs claiming to be comprehensive do so because they discuss contraception in depth in addition to mentioning the “option” to abstain. Their core belief, however, is that being sexually active is a part of growing up. Programs teaching abstinence until marriage discuss the broader scope of sexuality and give information about how sex affects a person mentally as well as physically, also providing character education to help students do the safest thing: wait until marriage.

Here are some examples of the differences:

  • From Be Proud! Be Responsible!: “Once you and a partner agree to use condoms, do something positive and fun. Go to the store together. Buy lots of different brands and colors. Plan a special day when you can experiment. Just talking about how you’ll use all of those condoms can be a turn on.” “Showering together is a green light (no risk) activity.”
  • Wait 4 Your Mate: “Imagine this: you know that remaining abstinent is the best choice for you, but when you make out with your boyfriend or girlfriend, it gets hard to remember that. What do you do? Avoid places where you are alone together for long periods of time; plan out your dates, so you aren’t left bored with lots of time on your hands; discuss physical boundaries that will make it easier for you both to reach your goal of remaining abstinent; surround yourself with reminders of why you want to wait (to graduate high school, to have a healthy marriage, to live without risk of STDs or pregnancy, to avoid drama, to be proud of yourself).”

Which option is truly going to lead a teen down a healthy path to a successful life and fulfilling relationships?

Contraceptive failure: user error?

Posted on by Tori

I recently became aware of a statistic from the National Survey of Family Growth. In a study on Contraceptive Failure Rates from the Alan Guttmacher Institute, the data show that about 1 in 5 teenage females using condoms as birth control will become pregnant within the first year of use. That failure rate (20%) is much higher than the clinical tests for condoms, and inconsistent condom use is usually blamed for the high rate.

Interestingly, the failure rate increases significantly for cohabiting couples, even within the same age category. For teenagers (age < 20) who live together and use condoms, 51-71% (depending on socioeconomic status) will become pregnant within the first year.

The jump in unintended pregnancy for those couples living together is startling. These teenagers are receiving the same education about condoms and contraception as their non-cohabiting peers, and are making the same choice to rely on condoms, but the difference in lifestyle choice has a dramatic effect on their ability to avoid teenage pregnancy. Apparently, knowing how and why to use condoms does not reduce unintended pregnancy as significantly as choosing not to cohabit before marriage. This says to me that lifestyle education and encouraging positive lifestyle choices (such as abstinence) is far more beneficial to reducing teenage pregnancy than simply educating teens about condoms.

The profit of porn…

Posted on by Tori

Did you know…

  • Up to $12 billion in the US, $57 billion worldwide, is spent on porn each year?
  • More money is spent on porn than the combined revenues of professional football, basketball and baseball.
  • It is more money than CBS, NBC and ABC combined.
  • More money than all the revenues generated by rock and country music.
  • More money than America spent on Broadway productions, theater, ballet, jazz and classical music combined.

If you haven’t already addressed the issue of pornography with your teenager, take steps now to protect your child from this industry.

(Information from here.)

Press Release from NAEA

Posted on by Tori

Statement of Valerie Huber, Executive Director, National Abstinence Education Association (NAEA) on the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) study “Prevalence of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI) and Bacterial Vaginosis among Female Adolescents in the United States” which shows 3.2 million teen girls are infected with an STI (March 11, 2008):

“For too many years, schools and communities have made reducing teen pregnancy the goal of sex education classes. Teens are erroneously taught that a condom makes sex safe. When we learn that one in four teen girls is infected with a sexually transmitted disease (STD), it becomes clear that the contraception-based approach taught in 75% of U.S. schools is failing young people. The CDC study shows that the sexual health of teens should be paramount. The risk-avoidance message of abstinence education should be the top public health priority in response to this new information.

Abstinence education is an holistic approach to providing youth the skills to make the best health decisions concerning sexuality. A number of credible studies prove that teaching a wide-range of character building, decision-making skills, while also offering students medically accurate information on STDs and contraception, delays the onset of sexual activity in teens, and reduces risky behavior in teens already having sex.

Teens deserve to know that condoms do not provide complete protection from STDs. Parents and community leaders need to use the information from the CDC to begin an honest conversation with young people about the dangers of casual sex, and Congress must continue investing in abstinence education programs.”

Sex won’t hold it together…

Posted on by Tori

As a parent, it is important that you dispell many of the myths that your child could believe about sex and relationships. Here’s a fact for you to discuss with your teen:

Eight out of ten first time teen sexual relationships last six months or less, and one quarter are only one-time occurances. That is according to surveys done by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

Sadly, sex does not increase the commitment in a relationship and “taking a relationship to the next level” usually means taking it one step closer to a break-up. Make sure your teen knows that sex won’t hold a relationship together.

Teaching generosity

Posted on by Tori

Some kids naturally begin to show compassion and generosity to others, but other children seem to think the world revolves around them. You as a parent can help train your child to be generous and compassionate (and in so doing, you can set them up to have more fulfilling and successful relationships in the future). The best way to do that is to model service and generosity. Here are some ideas:

  • Go with your child to shovel a neighbor’s driveway or mow your neighbor’s lawn.
  • Help your child prepare a meal for a community member or make a card for someone.
  • Volunteer with your child, or encourage her to join a service club like 4-H or Scouts.
  • Pick a week for each family member to do random acts of kindness for another member of the family. At the end of the week, guess who did what for whom.

HPV – throat cancer risk

Posted on by Tori

Many teenagers are tempted to believe that oral sex is not sex. They believe that because oral sex cannot lead to pregnancy, it will also keep them safe from emotional risks and from STDs. Some teenagers are much more likely to engage in oral sex (and to have oral sex with a greater number of partners) than intercourse. Unfortunately, oral sex is just as risky as intercourse when it comes to STDs.

In particular, recent studies show that HPV (known to cause cervical cancer in women) is also a risk factor for throat cancer. Make sure that when you discuss sex and STDs with your teenager, you emphasize that any genital contact (even mouth to genital) increases the risk of contracting an STD.

Dangerously free speech

Posted on by Tori

In 2005, Professor Chyng Sun of New York University wrote this following her research on pornography:

Most of the women and men I interviewed first watched pornography in their early teens or even younger. In other words, pornography is sex education.

As parents, it is crucial that we are aware of the impact that pornography has on our children. For many, this also means examining the impact that pornography has had on our own understanding of sexuality. Sun goes on to say:

Pornography and a pornographic culture also affect “consensual sex,” sexual identities and relationships. In my interviews, it was painful to hear how both teenage boys and girls feel pressured to have lots of sex, often emotionally detached, at a younger and younger age; and how so many young women feel obligated to please men sexually because they believed that it was their role as a woman. A 20-year-old female college student thought back to her teen years and said that often she felt that her body was not hers but was for others to look at and gain pleasure from.

It is also alarming that many young men and boys have watched a lot of pornography before they have opportunities for sexual intimacy. Some developed a fear of women when they found that real women’s bodies were not as smooth and shaven and that real sex was nothing like sex depicted in pornography. It is clear that pornography not only hurts women but also hurts men on many different levels.

A healthy, mutually fulfilling, holistic understanding of sexuality stands in direct contrast to what is encouraged and portrayed by pornography. Parents, it is up to you to make sure that you are shaping your child’s understanding of sex and not leaving it up to pornography.

Discipline = Love

Posted on by Tori

This anecdote comes from William Noble, M.D., of the Pediatric Association of the University of Texas, and was shared in Girls Gone Mild by Wendy Shalit:

Recently Todd, an anxious fifteen-year-old male patient, presented to clinic with vague reproductive tract complaints. He was accompanied by his mother, who returned to the waiting room after the initial interview. His history gradually revealed a series of sexual encounters with a woman several years his senior. The sexual liaisons included other risks as well, including alcohol and substance use. The teen’s anxiety resulted from an awareness that his behavior placed him at risk for HIV. He requested HIV testing. While discussing the testing and evaluation for other sexually transmitted infections, the boy began to cry.

‘I don’t think that my mom loves me,’ he sobbed.
‘Why do you say that?’ I responded.
‘She doesn’t care where I go or who I’m with or if I come home at night. I don’t have a curfew and she never asks what I’m doing.'”