Tanning Salons May Lie to Youth About Risks

Posted on by Tori

I’ve never gone to a tanning salon.  As a fair-skinned Swede, I’m genetically prone to skin cancer, and already got too much sun when I was a kid.  But my daughters have frequented tanning salons.  And at least once they were lied to about the risks of tanning beds, because I remember having an argument about it.

Well, it seems they weren’t the only ones lied to, because “when congressional investigators contacted 300 tanning salons, identifying themselves as fair-skinned teenage girls…. Ninety percent of the salons told them indoor tanning posed no health dangers. Seventy-eight percent claimed indoor tanning would actually improve health, preventing diseases ranging from arthritis to lupus.”  The article goes on to say that “Studies show the risk of melanoma goes up 75 percent when tanning bed use begins before the age of 30,” and points out that the rate of melanoma among women has gone up 50% since the 80s, when tanning beds began to proliferate.

Some states are beginning to pass laws restricting the use of tanning beds by minors, and Illinois is currently considering stricter laws, as reported last week.  The new law would ban anyone under 18 from using tanning beds in tanning salons.  Currently, Illinois law bans the use of tanning beds by those under 14, and 14- to 17-year-olds must get the consent, in person, of a parent, before he or she can use a tanning bed.

Why do we let them dress that way?

Posted on by Tori

As someone well past my prime, I do vicariously enjoy the fresh beauty of my daughters.  Aaaah…to be young, and a size 2!  But I also taught them how to dress modestly.  As one of the students in a class I taught bluntly put it, “If it isn’t for sale, you shouldn’t be advertising it.”   If you have boys, you may be concerned about their ability to concentrate in their classes with all that flesh making an appearance now that spring is here.   (To be fair, we went on to discuss the responsibility boys bear for what they do with their eyes and thoughts).

Have you had these battles in your house…wondering where to draw the line when so many of your child’s peers are allowed to dress so immodestly these days?  And interesting article in the Wall Street Journal has a few theories which may explain why, even if you have high standards in your home, your kids are swimming against the tide if they are dressed to show less.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Posted on by Tori

My first year of college, I did what most college kids do – I put on a few pounds. By no means did I gain the “Freshman 15” (although I probably had by sophomore year), but I was definitely a few pounds heavier. I remember coming home over Thanksgiving to spend time with my family. I was wearing a big baggy sweater and a pair of jeans. As we were preparing the meal for the day, my mother had me running to and fro, cleaning things, organizing the house, etc. At one point she asked me to reach to the top of a shelf to grab a serving bowl or some such thing. As I stretched, my sweater lifted and revealed my waistline. And from behind me I heard my mother say, “Wow, honey! Jeans a bit snug?” I was absolutely horrified. I felt wounded. Twelve years later, I still have not forgotten that moment.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my mother very much. She’s supportive, loving, easy-going. She is, most probably, the best friend I have in the world. But she has always had opinions about beauty and body type. Our family has a very specific build. From when I was very small, I was told I had the “family chin” and “family behind”. I figured these were unattractive things.  I was also told that I would never have truly nice legs – they just didn’t “run in the family”. Imagine my surprise and my complete delight when, once we were happily married, my husband told me he loved my legs and my rear end.

I found an article today that I want to share with you. It interested me because in less than 2 months my husband and I will be joined by our first baby girl. I constantly wonder what it will be like to have a daughter. It also called to mind all of the above memories and comments I shared. This article talks about the necessity of mothers having a healthy body image, so that they can communicate that to their daughters. It also talks about letting your daughter be an individual, and what a struggle that can be. Check out the full text here: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/30457264/

Generation Diva

Posted on by Tori

“Much has been made of the oversexualization of today’s tweens. But what hasn’t been discussed is what we might call their “diva-ization”—before they even hit the tween years. Consider this: according to a NEWSWEEK examination of the most common beauty trends, by the time your 10-year-old is 50, she’ll have spent nearly $300,000 on just her hair and face. It’s not that women haven’t always been slaves to their appearance; as Yeats wrote, “To be born woman is to know … that we must labour to be beautiful.” But today’s girls are getting caught up in the beauty maintenance game at ages when they should be learning how to read—and long before their beauty needs enhancing. Twenty years ago, a second grader might have played clumsily with her mother’s lipstick, but she probably didn’t insist on carrying her own lip gloss to school.”

The above excerpt is from a Newsweek article I found earlier this week: Generation Diva: How Our Obsession with Beauty is Changing Our Kids.

The way our culture values beauty and sex appeal, and then encourages that mindset on elementary school age girls, is certainly something to think about. If, at age 7, a girl is worried about body hair, skin, makeup, or her next spa treatment, how is that fascination with her appearance going to play into her thoughts, decisions, and reactions about sex and sexual attraction at a later age?

Click here for the full text.

Positive vs. Negative Attention

Posted on by Tori

I had the pleasure of observing one of our parent educators teach a workshop yesterday. During the hour or so that I was there, a very interesting question came up. Our educator was discussing healthy dating strategies with the parents, and one parent raised her hand and inquired, “What do you do when your teenage daughter believes negative attention is better than no attention at all?” (In other words, what do you do if you see your daughter dating guys that treat her poorly, simply because she feels that any boyfriend is better than none?)

 Great question – and our educator handled it beautifully. His answer was twofold. First, surround your teenager with positive attention. Second, help her identify the consequences of negative attention.

Positive Attention: Parents, first you may want to ask yourselves why your teenage daughter is seeking out attention in the first place. Can you see where she feels as though positive attention is lacking in her life? Make an effort to fill that void. Learn her love language (see Gary Chapman’s book here) and use it to encourage her. Make an effort to spend time with her. (If you feel very busy, start with small chunks of time – a car ride here, a cup of coffee there.) Choose one of her hobbies or pastimes in which to take special interest. Cheer her on. Take stock of the media in your house and the body and relationship messages that are being communicated to your daughter. Does something need to be eliminated?

Identify Consequences of Negative Attention: Your daughter may not be able to see the consequences of negative attention in her own life, but she may be able to identify it in her peers or in the media around her. As you spend time together, ask open ended questions (not directed at herlife) that will help her see the truth. Questions like, “Why does SoAndSo spend time with her if they aren’t friends?” or, “Why do you think That TV Character keeps dating him?” Listen to her answers first, and withhold that parental advice until she seems open to hearing it. Perhaps you will be able to transition into more personal topics and give personal advice after you’ve gained her trust as a good listener.

Parents of tweens and younger – it’s never to early to start surrounding your kids with positive attention! The sooner they recognize and appreciate that, the sooner they will shy away from the negative!