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Ideas for Grandparents

Posted on by Tori

This article builds off of the previous post, which can be read here.

My dad’s parents taught me to play card games and told stories about my Grandpa beating all the other soldiers at Cribbage. My mom’s mom taught me to bake — real, old-world baking with lots of butter, yeast, and white flour. And the stories she told about my mom’s dad taught me about farming and life in the American Midwest. We lived a plane flight away from both sides of the family, and still my grandparents had a profound impact on my life.

Today, grandparents often play an even bigger role in children’s lives. In general, their health is better and they live longer. As more families include two working parents, grandparents are picking up the slack with childcare. And for the grandparents who do live far away, technology like Skype and social media make it easier than ever to stay in touch. Last week we looked at the importance of children having a strong family identity. This week we’ll look at how grandparents specifically can connect with teens and help give them that sense of identity.

How can grandparents connect with their grandkids? There are several obvious disconnects between grandparents and teens. They are separated by not just one generation gap, but several. Their interests, abilities, and experiences are very different. They may not even live anywhere close to each other! Yet intentional steps taken by grandparents and parents can facilitate good connections, which hopefully a teen will quickly reciprocate. Here are some ideas, written as steps a grandparent could take:

  • Invite each grandchild to do something unique with you — just the two or three of you.
  • Teach your grandchildren a hobby or skill, such as fishing, cooking, woodworking, etc.
  • Attend their events, even the boring ones: recitals, baseball games, marching band parades.
  • Plan an event, outing or vacation for either all the men or all the women in the family. This is especially beneficial when teens hit 12 or 13 and are going through puberty.
  • Invite your grandchildren to events and social gatherings that are important to you, whether that’s church, the local VFW, or Rotary club. Let them meet your friends.
  • Ask your grandchildren to teach you a new skill, such as digital photography, or game, such as Minecraft.
  • Use texting and Skype to communicate, even if it feels difficult to learn.
  • If you speak a second language, teach your grandchildren some of it. Have a few words that can become part of the family vocabulary even if the kids don’t become fluent.
  • Talk about family traditions you enjoyed from your own childhood. If the tradition hasn’t continued, find a way to restart it.
  • Gather a few time honored recipes and teach them to your grandchildren.
  • Keep track of special events, or big games or tests, and call or text your grandchildren on those days.
  • Start a collection together (dolls, stamps, postcards) and build it, whether you are together or far apart.

Share this post with the grandparents you know. I hope there will be one or two new ideas for building family connectedness.

Sadly, I know there are many cases where family brokenness makes forming a strong family identity difficult. Next week, we’ll look at navigating the ups and downs in a family.

*Several ideas from this post were first shared in this article, which is a faith-focused article about passing on religious beliefs to grandchildren.

Telling Your Family’s Story

Posted on by Tori
My parents, circa a long time ago.
My parents. We won’t talk about how much I might look like my mom.

A few months ago, my husband and I said good-bye to the last of our grandparents, my husband’s Grandma. For the last decade or more, every 4th of July, her children and their families would gather at a lake house — a group that grew by one or two (or five) each year. She lived to see 25 great-grandchildren born! Today, if you want to know what our family is about, you only have to stop by that lake house this July 4. I expect all of the traditions will continue, from shooting off our own fireworks, to building some new addition to the house, to taking the requisite family photo — more difficult as the family grows each year. The family is competitive, stubborn in its generosity, efficient as only engineers know efficiency, and completely devoted to each other.

As those 25 great-grandchildren age, their family identity will keep them grounded. Research backs this up. Family stories and a child’s ability to see herself as part of a bigger picture play an important role in helping children navigate challenges and stress. Here’s an excerpt from the article:

“[Researchers] developed a measure called the “Do You Know?” scale that asked children to answer 20 questions.

“Examples included: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Do you know where your parents met? Do you know an illness or something really terrible that happened in your family? Do you know the story of your birth?

“Dr. Duke and Dr. Fivush asked those questions of four dozen families…. They then compared the children’s results to a battery of psychological tests the children had taken, and reached an overwhelming conclusion. The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned. The “Do You Know?” scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness.”

So how do you create a strong family identity? I offer some suggestions below, and then next week, we’ll continue the discussion by looking specifically at grandparents.

  • Family artifacts. Share stories about items that belonged to other family members or which have been passed down through generations. They don’t have to be valuable! My husband keeps a few of his Poppy’s books (some of which still have Poppy’s old business cards tucked in as bookmarks). I have a pair of my Grandma’s shoes — the ones she got in Germany as a refugee during WWII. When we visit my parents’ house, we use a tablecloth made by my Grandma and her sisters, and hear again how incredible it is that they crocheted the whole thing by hand.
  • Make and keep traditions. If you don’t have any traditions yet, it is never too late to start. You could look through old photos to get ideas of activities you want to repeat — family memories you may have already forgotten but want to rekindle. Or, decide as a family what would be really special to do, and to keep doing. My friend’s family picks up take-out Chinese for dinner every Christmas eve. Why? No one knows. But it has become tradition.
  • Share photos. This can mean looking at albums together, but it can also be an opportunity to leverage social media. Throwback Thursday is an internet tradition of posting pictures from way back when — why not start including some from WAY back. Scan family photos using one of these methods or at a local convenience store with photo services. Then they are ready to share — and you may be surprised at what your kids are willing to post on their social media. Grandpa bowling with a handlebar moustache? Awesome!
  • Family Core Values. Like a business, sit down together and identify what your family’s core values are. Let everyone contribute. Write them down. If you have younger children, write down values on popsicle sticks and use them to build a house together. Repeat these to each other. “Remember guys, we’re the Smiths. And Smiths stick together.”

In the coming weeks, we’ll continue to explore the topic of family stories and how they can help us be better parents. In the comments section, share a way that you keep family traditions!

 

I want this PSA in my state!

Posted on by Tori

I was driving down a major road in our town this weekend when I pulled up next to a car in which the driver was holding her pink smartphone with the same hand as she held the steering wheel, right up at dashboard level. She was actively staring at the screen, scrolling and typing. Feeling guilty myself anytime I take a call without a hands-free headset, I was appalled at this blatant disregard for common sense, safety, and Illinois’ new ban on all texting and handheld phone use while driving. Okay, I reasoned, we’re at a stoplight. And I suppose she could be looking at a GPS map.

But no, as the light turned green, the scrolling and taping motion told me she was not looking at a map, nor did she have any intention of putting the phone down. We stayed pretty level with each other and stopped at two more lights together before she eventually sped away, and any time I glanced over, her posture and the scrolling and tapping hadn’t changed.

Yes, I admit, I am judging her. I would love to be wrong, but I have a very hard time not seeing her as a danger to myself, my children, and everyone else on the road. Because for any of us, it is only a matter of time before our distraction behind the wheel hurts someone.

Which leads me to the PSA I just saw, shared by the website Upworthy. (The PSA is from Volkswagen and was posted by MadOverAds.)

Please, parents, set the example for your children and define a standard of zero tolerance for phone use while driving. Not only is it the law in Illinois, it is unquestionably a matter of safety for your children and for others. I get the temptation — I have to discipline myself frequently to ignore the buzzes and pings coming from my phone while driving. And I have been the passenger with friends, my husband, even my father as the driver started using the phone to look up a restaurant or answer a text (at which point I grab the phone and do it for them). The point is, none of us are good enough drivers to get away with it forever. We simply cannot allow ourselves or those we love to fall to the temptation to use the phone while driving, even “just this once.”

Using Movies to Talk to Teens

Posted on by Tori

OReel of Filmne of my favorite summer activities was (and still is) watching movies. Whether it is catching up on older movies no longer in theaters or splurging on seeing the latest blockbuster (and enjoying the theater’s air conditioning), summers and movies go together like macaroni and cheese. Since we at Amplify are always looking for ways to help you in the daunting task of raising teens, I’d like to share with you a great way to use movies this summer to have meaningful conversations with your children.

Amplify Youth Development has created a free e-course called “Using Movies to Talk to Teens.” If you sign up, you will receive two emails a week for the next five weeks. One email discusses strategies for how to effectively use movies to address difficult topics with your teen. The second email each week discusses a specific film and which topics could be addressed with your child during or after viewing the film together. The movies included are all available to rent or from your local library and cover topics such as bullying, pregnancy, dating and marriage, and internet safety.

You can learn more or sign up here. There is no cost for this e-course! Comment below if you have any questions or to share your experiences with the movies.

Sifting through the dangerous trends

Posted on by Tori

We’ve shared articles in the past about some of the crazy stunts teens will try (dusting, OTC medication, cinnamon). Here’s another, but with a twist — this time the “trend” probably isn’t that common or dangerous. What Maanvi Singh adds in this article, however, is a reminder to parents of how to sift through all the new and supposedly viral trends to learn what really may pose a threat to children. And in case you were wondering about the music video mentioned in the article, here it is:

 

Have you talked to your children about e-cigarettes?

Posted on by Tori

Just recently I was at a party at a friend’s house when one of the guests pulled out an e-cigarette and started “vaping” while chatting with other guests in the kitchen. I have become so accustomed to living in a smoke-free environment that I was thrown off by this guest’s nonchalant behavior as he puffed away indoors. It was my first real encounter with e-cigs, which produce a nicotine-laced vapor rather than traditional smoke.

If you are not familiar with e-cigs, this article gives some helpful background information. Some of the important points include the fact that the health consequences of e-cigs are largely unknown. While some of the tar and other substances associated with tobacco are not produced by e-cigs, there do seem to be links between the nicotine itself and some cancers.

Another recent article reveals trends more concerning for parents: because e-cigs are classified differently than tobacco products, many of the regulations that exist for tobacco products do not apply to e-cigs, including regulations about advertising. This means that many teens who would not see advertisements for cigarettes are nevertheless exposed to advertising for e-cigs. It is very possible that your teen knows more about the new trend than you do!

If you haven’t already, initiate a conversation with your children about e-cigarettes. Find out what they already know and if any of their friends have tried vaping (using e-cigs). Ask if your child thinks e-cigarettes are as harmful as regular cigarettes and inform your children of their risks. Do you know where e-cigs are sold in your community? Have you seen advertisements for them? Stay informed and make sure your children know that you are aware of the trend. Communicate your expectations to your children about how you want them to handle e-cigs.

By Andrea Nelson Google

FDA Approves HPV Test

Posted on by Tori

The FDA recently approved a test for the STD human papillomavirus (HPV) that could become an alternative for pap smears in women. HPV causes most cases of cervical cancer, as well as some types of head and neck cancers or genital warts, depending on the strain of the virus. In the past, pap smears were used to detect cell changes that could indicate cervical cancer or a risk of cancer. The new test looks for the presence of the actual virus and can detect which strain of the virus is present. More information is also available here.

HPV is one of the most common and easiest to contract STDs. It can be transmitted between partners even with perfect condom use. Two different vaccines are available to prevent the most common types of HPV. These vaccines are recommended for boys and girls ages 9 to 11.

Family Meals with Teens

Posted on by Tori

I’ve seen plenty of articles and blogs about family meals, their importance, and how to do them, but almost all of those articles focus on families with younger children. How do you keep up (or start) the tradition with teenagers? Here are some ideas for family dinners with teens. If you have more, please share them in the comments section!

Be Portable

Teens often have plenty of after-school activities. Find ways that you can bring the family along to share a meal and a little quality time on-the-go, such as:

  • Sandwiches, grapes, and carrot sticks shared picnic-style out of the trunk of your car before a game or between activities.
  • A crock-pot of chili brought along and eaten out of mini bags of Fritos — or just a bowl for a healthier option.
  • A full-scale tailgate during an extra-long day (my regional track meet comes to mind…).

Think Past Dinner

Fresh blueberries and granola
If it is too hard to gather the family at dinner time, try breakfast.

Breakfast, lunch, and snacks all provide opportunities to share a meal together. If family dinner isn’t possible due to work schedules, maybe breakfast would work better? Pancakes on the weekends, eggs and toast, making ahead and freezing waffles (no need to buy the ones from the store, though I do enjoy the blueberry ones from Trader Joe’s) — all provide an opportunity to sit down together around a meal. Many high schools now have occasional late-start days that provide an opportunity for an extended breakfast. If you can adjust your work schedule with advanced notice, try scheduling family time for those mornings!

Let the Kids Cook

You’ve made it past the years of utter dependence, so make the kids start pitching in! Teens will feel empowered if they can master one or two recipes as their “specialty.” Give them a night to be in charge and let them make dinner happen. Simple meal ideas that will (hopefully) not burn the house down include:

  • Pita bread/bagel/or English muffin pizzas
  • Breakfast for dinner
  • Tacos (assuming you trust them to chop toppings without hurting themselves)
  • Pasta and sauce — and for the advanced chef, adding sausage or meatballs

Invite Friends

Pick a meal that is extra special for your family or your son or daughter, and let your children invite their friends to join in. One of my friends spent a few years in England with her family, so they invited me over to share a traditional English dinner with them. Another friend’s Italian family made a big deal out of Polenta night (or should I say, Polenta all-day-affair) and invited several of us to come over and experience it. As children get older, they are becoming more aware of other cultures and traditions besides their own. This awareness might be your open door for meeting your children’s friends.

Dress it Up

My mom has a thing for fancy dishes, so when she told me to invite my friends over for lunch one day, they arrived to a table decked out with our nicest china. They thought it was “so cool” of my mom to go to that trouble — even the boys! I think that as teens, it felt really good to be treated with that kind of respect and thoughtfulness. Dressing up or using nice things tends to put people on their best behavior and lends significance to even simple meals. Use that to your advantage!