Talking About Sex: How Boys Handle the Conversation

Posted on by Tori

For many teens, talking with their parents about sex is something they find awkward.  Interestingly, teens themselves sometimes find ways to “lighten up” conversations about sex.  Researchers observed that, compared to girls,  “Male adolescents used more sarcasm with their parent.  They made it seem as if it was acceptable to joke around with their parent about sex….downplaying the seriousness of it and putting their parent and themselves at ease.”  Interestingly, boys were more likely to use such sarcasm when talking to fathers.  Boys also appeared to be slightly more willing to talk about the topic with a parent than girls. 

So how do we make use of this information?  Keep in mind that a boy may relieve discomfort by using sometimes startling sarcasm:  “That rash I had last week was really a hickey, Mom.”  Knowing that he is probably trying to lighten things up, it would be wise to not react as if this is a disrespectful stance, but instead join in the “banter” with a similarly playful comment or just a laugh.

In the upcoming weeks, I will continue to share findings from this study on how teens and parents talk about sex.  The article is fairly “academic “in nature, but if you have the patience, and want to read some fascinating stuff, including real conversations teens had with their parents, click here for the whole article in the Journal of Adolescent Research.

STD the Top Cause of Oral, Head and Neck Cancers

Posted on by Tori

Once in a while I have to get over my reticence to be forthright in discussing risks teens face with you, their parents.  I have no problem warning teens about the risks of oral sex, but don’t we parents hate to even think such things might be going on in the social circles our teens frequent?  And yet…teens are doing it because they think it’s a safe option.  Not only does oral seem to function as a “gateway” activity which leads to vaginal sex, it also carries risks of its own.  This article by CBS points out that an STD passed on by oral sex is now the cause of the majority of cases of oral, head and neck cancers.  It’s Human Papillomavirus.  The article suggests getting vaccinated, but doesn’t mention that the vaccine only protects against the 4 strains of HPV that are responsible for 70% of the cases of either genital warts, or cervical and oral/head/neck cancers.  A better idea?  Share the article with your teen, and encourage them to choose abstinence if they want to be healthy and happy.

Fast Facts on Teen Sex

Posted on by Tori

When we think of the consequences of teen pregnancy, or getting an STD, or the pain of a breakup, as parents we shudder.  It’s perhaps our greatest fear that our precious children will have to deal with such “adult” things.   Recently, the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy reported that while most measures of teens’ sexual behavior (like teen pregnancy) declined between 1991 and 2007, in the past two years progress has stalled. The authors wrote that:

  • Nearly half of all teens have ever had sex. Between 2007 and 2009 the proportion of students who ever had sex essentially remained unchange.  [Note: reputable studies put this figure at between 42 and 46 percent].
  • More than one-third are sexually active–that is, they have had sex in the past three months.
  • More than 1 in 20 teens were younger than 13 when they first had sex.

We already know from the U.S. Center for Disease Control that as much as 40 percent of all teens have gotten an STD.

 A couple weeks ago, Amplify held its first Parent support meeting.  We had a great time sharing challenges, discussing strategies, and getting information on how to manage some of the concerns…both big and small…that we face as parents of teens.   Check out our website, mylifeamplified.com, and you’ll find a wealth of information, as well as a notice about our upcoming meeting on July 27.  Hope to see some of you there.

Two Steps Behind is Too Late

Posted on by Tori

In a recent blog, we found out that parents typically think their teens are both more innocent and less interested in the opposite sex than they actually are.  It’s no surprise, then, that when it comes to parents talking to their children about sex, they are almost always a step or two behind where they should be!  A study by the Rand corporation found that “A large proportion of parents and adolescents reported that they did not communicate about key topics before the adolescents became sexually active.”  When they did, “Communication was almost always earlier with daughters than with sons and earlier relative to their sexual activity, which means that parents typically had less time to communicate preemptively with sons.”  Unfortunately, and tragically, that means that some of our children will also be experiencing the consequences of their actions before we’ve had a chance to warn them, or steer them toward healthier choices.  Sadly, I had a teen boy in one of my classes who looked exhausted from trying to juggle senior year stresses at the same time he was helping raise his baby.  I also have a friend whose very first sexual experience led not only to an unplanned pregnancy, but an incurable STD.  The decision she made “just once” impacts her still in her 50s.  Parents…now’s the time to comment on that TV show or news headline, discuss those lyrics your teen is singing, talk about boundaries for dating, etc.  We can’t make them choose wisely, but we can alert them to what “wise” looks like before they are in the middle of a relationship they are unprepared for.

Is oral sex sex? Teens’ attitudes put them at risk.

Posted on by Tori

Our Amplify educators often ask students what exactly they think we’re talking about when we talk about sex.  Often, there is debate.  You see, teens typically don’t think that oral sex “counts.”   A 2007 survey of college students indicated that while 98% consider vaginal intercourse to be sex, only 20% believe the same about oral-genital contact.  In 1991, about twice as many people believed oral sex was indeed “having sex.”  Of course, our  generation remembers President Clinton’s 1998 “I did not have sex with that woman” testimony, so it’s not just teens who have trouble with this concept!

So, is this just semantics?  The study concluded that students’ perceptions “may leave them unmindful of its potential health risks.”  It suggested that “Sex education programs, which generally focus on penile-vaginal contact, could help STD prevention efforts by explaining the risks associated with oral-genital stimulation….”  Since oral sex can spread a majority of the most common STDs (HPV, herpes, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, and HIV to name a few), Amplify makes sure that young people understand these very real risks.  Knowing these facts, you, as a parent, can emphasize that abstinence is the healthiest choice if they want to avoid ALL kinds of risky sexual behaviors…oral sex included.

Can’t imagine bringing up oral sex with your teen?  If they are older than 13, they probably already know about it.  How about something like this?  “Gosh, I just read this disturbing article about something risky that teens are doing, and they have no idea what they’re getting into. You know how we’ve talked about sex before…well I hope you understand that even the ‘base’ that comes before ‘home’ put teens at risk for STDs.”  Chances are they’ll know what you’re talking about, without the actually having to say “Oral Sex.”  You could be slightly bolder and simply say:  “I know you wouldn’t do this, but I hope your friends know that mouths spread STDs too….”  Of course, if you are the fearless type, you can just jump right in and say it, and when they look squeamish you can say…”What?!….It’s important, so let’s just get over the fact that I said it, OK?”

STD becoming a “superbug”

Posted on by Tori

Those of you who have been to our parent workshop were probably shocked to find out that 1 in 4 sexually active teens has an STD by the time they graduate high school.  We try to keep you up to date on the risks so you know how to keep your children informed as well.  A recent article on gonorrhea sounds the alarm that it is becoming resistant to drug treatment…the definition of a “superbug.”  The U. S. Center for Disease Control website confirms that “Historically, gonorrhea has progressively developed resistance to all antibiotic drugs prescribed to treat it: drugs such as penicillin, tetracycline, spectinomycin, and ciprofloxacin.”

After reading the article, I noticed that someone named Kathy had posted the following poignant warning: “I had gonorrhea when I was 20. I almost died. I also, afterward, had an ectopic pregnancy and several miscarriages. I eventually did have a healthy child, but the pain and suffering weren’t worth the few minutes of sex that caused the problem. If only young people could see how foolish unmarried sex is. So little for the huge cost, not to mention the guilt that comes with it. You think you don’t feel guilty? Of course you do. It’s all buried inside. Been there, done that. Just say no.”

I was reminded again that the risks to our precious young ones  are real, and the consequences can be devastating.

Gardasil Controversy

Posted on by Tori

If you haven’t seen it already, this Good Morning America segment addresses new evidence about the risks of Gardasil, a vaccine approved by the FDA in 2006 to prevent the cancer-causing STD human papillomavirus (HPV). When it was approved, the CDC and FDA recommended girls (at risk for developing cervical cancer if they are infected with HPV) become vaccinated as early as 11 years old. In the last three years, GMA reports, 7 million Americans have been vaccinated. Of those, 772 cases of serious side effects have been recorded, including 32 deaths. For concerned parents, this report may be cause to do more research before vaccinating your children.

What do you know about Hepatitis?

Posted on by Tori

Today is World Hepatitis Day – a day dedicated to raising awareness and educating people about the three types of Viral Hepatitis (A, B, and C). Hepatitis is a global disease that in its later stages is the cause of cirrhosis of the liver and liver cancer.

 Visit the Center for Disease Control here to find out more information about the disease and how it is spread. For more specific information on STDs in general, visit the CDC’s “Sexually Transmitted Diseases” page here.

Syphilis On the Rise?

Posted on by Tori

I came across an article today about an outbreak of syphilis in youth living in Oklahoma. 13 cases of syphilis have been confirmed to be linked this year, 10 of which were discovered in the past month. In light of the fact that April is STD awareness month, I thought I would post it, along with a few thoughts. Take a look at it here.

Oklahoma may seem far away, but it caused me to pause and wonder if the same thing could happen again, here in Dupage County. I say again because less than 5 years ago, an STD outbreak happened at a local school. Within days, over 8 cases of the same STD were diagnosed in a group of high school students. The cause then was the same as the cause listed in this article – a sex game played at a party.

Parents, while we can be certain that not all our teenagers are spending their time at parties in which sex games are played (I know I never did, and I can think of several teens I know now that avoid that scene), it can make us stop and think: What can we do to protect our kids?

A simple answer – be the house that hosts the parties. Be a welcoming place. If you are worried about the supervision in other homes, be the one willing to have the teens over, hanging out in your basement. Greet them at the door when they come in. Then, instead of shutting the door on them and trying to shut out the noise, check on them once in a while. Go downstairs with a plate of snacks or a carton of soda. Wander down to drop something off in the basement or ask your own son or daughter a question. The occasional and unexpected disruption will keep the teens on their toes.

Explain to him or her that you want to keep tabs on things because you are responsible for a bunch of teens that aren’t your own. You want to be sure they are safe, healthy, and behaving responsibly, because you don’t want any complaints from their parents. A teen who is living responsibly should understand your concern. A teen who raises objections might need more direction. If he or she objects and says they don’t want parties in the house, ask them why they’d rather be at a friend’s home. And then discuss what sort of rules and expectations can be made to ensure they are behaving responsibly.

Click on this link to find out more information about syphilis. http://www.cdc.gov/std/syphilis/STDFact-Syphilis.htm