Next week, my favorite shows are back for a new season. I admit to being an NCIS and Mentalist fan. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been attracted to who-done-it shows where the bad guys get justice in the end. What shows are your teens excited about? Glee would be a good guess. And on the raunchier end, Jersey Shore. Yep, they’re both back for another season. If your teen is a TV watcher, it would behoove you as a parent to know what he or she is watching, and, more importantly, WHY they are attracted to what they watch. One of my best tips for parents whose kids watch TV (that would be most of them), is to watch WITH them, and discuss what is going on in the show. Here’s a link with the new shows targeted at teens, as well as the returning shows with youth appeal. This link just gives a brief description, with no moral analysis, so it’s up to you to do your homework and know what your children are feeding their hearts and brains.
MTV sees the light…sort of
In March I sounded the alarm about an objectionable new show, Skins. Mercifully, it’s been dropped according to the Washington Post. So what other shows might parents hope will meet a similar demise? Jersey Shore, also on MTV, is a good candidate in my mind, but it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere soon. I think the jury is still out on whether the overall impact of MTV’s “16 and Pregnant” and “Teen Mom” is good (showing consequences) or bad (turning wayward teens into celebrities, and normalizing teen pregnancy).
As I’ve said before, concerned parents will handle this in different ways. You might watch shows together and use what you see as a springboard for some great conversation. Or you might exercise a little justifiable censorship (especially with younger teens). If you would like to see MTV or other channels “disappear” from the channel lineup (be prepared for howling and gnashing of teeth), here are links explaining how to do it:
Blocking channels on DirecTV: Instructions here
Blocking channels on Dish: Instructions here
Blocking channels on Comcast: Instructions here
Of course teens can find any show online, legally or illegally, so using internet blocks and insisting that computers be used in public areas are also good ideas.
Skin and more on MTV’s hit “Skins”
I had heard about “Skins,” a new hit teen show (MTV, Monday night at 9 p.m) that had been accused of bordering on pornographic, and decided to watch it the other night. Your teen may argue that it shows “real” life. My take on it? That may be true IF you take the most ethically challenged, dysfunctional teen behavior, compact it into about 45 minutes, and don’t include a single character who deviates from the moral abyss these teens live in. These high schoolers’ lives revolve around constant sex (gay, bi and heteresexual), drugs, drinking, other risky behaviors, and bad language. So far, there has been rear nudity, but no frontal, and unlike in Britain (where the show originated), the swearing is bleeped out. The adult characters (at least in the episode I watched) are irresponsible buffoons . As I watched, I was filled with sadness at this picture of empty, lost and depressed teens. Life can be SO much better. Even the friendships–some of which are represented as deep–revolve around selfish hedonism. A real friend cares about what happens to you, and would caution against many of the foolish behaviors that are normalized in this show.
I see little worthwhile in this show. If you haven’t drawn the line on TV viewing yet, “Skins” may be a good place to start. To read more, including episode synopses, see this article by Parents Television Council.
Foul language more frequent
A teacher recently told me how appalled she was at the language she’d heard a student use in the school parking lot toward his mother. Yep…it was the “F” word. And mom didn’t say a thing, but took it.
Many of us have noticed an increased tolerance among young people for foul language. What isn’t clear is what role media may play in the increased use of crude language in everyday society. Is it that media is following a trend already in existence in society, or is media leading the way? What IS clear is that there has been a dramatic increase in crude language and swearing in the media. A study showed, among other things, that the use of the muted or bleeped “F” word increase 2,409% from 2005 to 2010! Other finding were that crude anatomical references doubled or tripled (depending on the word).
You might want to encourage your child to take take a stand (and maybe increase his or her intelligence a few IQ points at the same time) by NOT resorting to cussing. A boy started a No Cussing Club at his middle school in 2007, and has seen the idea spread throughout the world. He’s even been on Jay Leno! Why not forward a link to the club’s website to your teen? It might start on interesting conversation about the kind of language your child has been hearing among his or her peers.
R-rated movies. What’s the big deal?
OK…I admit it. I was one of those moms who was pretty strict about what media I allowed my kids to watch. On at least one occasion, one of my daughters elected to read a book at a sleepover rather than watch the offensive movie being shown by her middle-school friends. It turns out my motherly unease was well-founded. USA today reported on a Dartmouth Medical School study that found that almost a quarter of middle-schoolers whose parents let them watch R-rated movies “all the time” had tried a drink without their parents’ knowledge. A mere 3% who were “never allowed” to watch R-rated movies had tried a drink. This joins the already established evidence that watching media with adult content at a young age is connected to early sexual activity. So parents, hold your ground. It’s OK to set limits on what young, immature brains take in. Come to think of it…I’m a bit squeamish about the sex and violence in many R-rated movies myself!
Offensive online games where you least expect
Imagine your pre-teen or teen coming across these games: “Candy the Naughty Cheerleader, Bloody Day (“Back alley butchering has never been so much fun. . . . How many kills can you rack?”) and the Perry the Sneak series, where gamers take the role of a peeping Tom trying to catch revealing glimpses of scantily clad and naked women.” These are all games on addictinggames.com, which youth can link to from Nickelodeon’s websites, Nick.com and NickJr.com. A report by A Campaign For a Commercial-Free Childhood reported that some of the games (for example, Vanessa Naughty Pics and Whack Your Ex) were pulled after a feature on Good Morning America alerted parents, but I took a quick look, and many offensive games remain. Sigh…and we parents thought we could relax and at least trust Nickelodeon.
House Rules 2
Picking up where we left off a week ago. Here are some suggested “house rules” you may wan tot consider.
-
Set an age for dating such as “No dating in the pre-teen and early teen years.” And ask your son or daughter what dating means to him or her. It can mean different things to different young people at different ages. Plus, it’s a good way to start a conversation.
-
Discuss your concerns with them dating someone more than two years older or younger than he or she is.
-
Research by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy shows that 13 percent of youth aged 14 and under in a same age relationship have had sexual intercourse. But when a pre-teen or teen of this age has a relationship with somebody who is 2 years older, 26 percent of the time it involves sexual intercourse. If the relationship is with somebody 3 years older, 33 percent of the time it involves sexual intercourse.
-
Tell your teen that boyfriends or girlfriends are welcome in family living areas and can be entertained there. Discourage personal space entertainment. “First sex” often happens at home in an unsupervised area of the house.
-
Set clear guidelines for your child when he or she goes out: Where will you be? What will you be doing? Who will you be with? When will you be home? How can I reach you?
-
Don’t let your child spend lots of time doing things that are not supervised or monitored by adults. Encourage your child to take part in supervised group activities. After-school jobs, tutoring, volunteer activities, and sports help make sure your child is doing something safe and useful after school.
-
Set rules about what your son or daughter can and cannot watch, listen to, or read; about what video games they can play; and where they can go on the Internet. Do not put a television or a computer in your child’s bedroom. These should be out in the open, like in the living room. That way you can know what your child is watching or doing on the Internet.
-
Let your son or daughter know that you will come get them if they get into an uncomfortable or threatening situation.
-
No alcohol. No drugs. No tobacco.
You may consider printing off your rules and posting them where everyone can see. This way there is no misunderstandings about what is acceptable behavior and what is disobedience.
Mixed Messages
Trying to protect our kids is always a main concern for a parent. We want to keep them safe in all aspects of their lives. So when it comes to the media, this can be tough. Our kids are exposed to all kinds of messages: billboards, music, TV, movies…..the list can go on and on.
With the recent release of the “Twilight” sequel, I want parents to have a heads up to what their child may be watching. To be equipped with the right tools for the job. Now without seeing the movie I don’t have an opinion on it, but I have heard there is some confusing messages in it. This is always a great opportunity to talk with your child about what he or she thinks and feels. These are a few good sites to visit and receive info and reviews on the stuff our kids are into. If you are not watching what they are, you can get the facts about it. Check it out!
http://www.commonsensemedia.org
Balancing Time
Are idle hands the devil’s tool, or is keeping busy becoming an obstacle to your child’s personal development? These days our children seemed to be grouped in two categories; the over committed students who are involved in every sport and extracurricular activity offered in a 50 mile radius, and the typical student who comes home and vegges on TV and the internet who occasionally peeks their head out to eat or briefly interact with other members of the household when forced. In the midst of all this, whether your child is involved in what is perceived as constructive or wasteful is there enough time being devoted to what truly matters? Do kids get enough time with their parents? Is there enough time devoted to relationship building in the home amongst family?
What are we watching?
So the question today is this: Do you believe TV programming is becoming more inappropriate for teens and tweens? Shows on MTV like Real World and The Hills or the reality shows on VH1 like Rock of Love and Charm School…is this too much? Even for those who don’t allow their children to watch these stations, what about CW with the return of 90210 and Melrose, or shows like Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, The Beautiful Life and Vampire Diaries. Is programming to mature? Are these shows introducing topics and life perspectives that are too mature? Are these issues and topics being introduced inappropriately? What do you think?