What makes teens happy?

Posted on by Tori

Hey Parents, if you are not signed up for our parent newsletter you are missing out on helping and encouraging information. This months newsletter was very interesting! Here is a link to the video that on the Today Show. Check it out.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/20373108#20373108

Now if you want to be encouraged, informed and refueled to deal with the challenges of being a parent of a teen, here is one way we can help. Go to the link below and sign up for our monthly newsletter and prepare to dominate the world of parenting!

http://amplifyyouthdevelopment.com/

Do you believe the facts?

Posted on by Tori

The facts:

  • Teens rank parents as the #1 influence on their sexual decisions.
  • 88 percent of teens say it would be easier to postpone sexual activity if they were able to have more open, honest conversations with their parents.
  • 6 out of 10 teens say their parents are their role models for healthy, responsible relationships.

What do you believe? Is this truth?

Do you have what it takes to answer the tough questions your son or daughter has for you?

After examining my own life as a father, I can’t stress enough parental involvement in the lives of our children. This means every area, especially the tough ones. Where is your child getting their information? You have the power to lead, guide and direct? But are you really making a difference? 

We want to hear form you, for a lot of reasons. We want to hear what challenges you are facing, we want to hear success stories and also the stories that are heartbreaking. We want you to know we are here to help. Write us back, I am curious to see your responses.

Balancing Time

Posted on by Tori

Are idle hands the devil’s tool, or is keeping busy becoming an obstacle to your child’s personal development?   These days our children seemed to be grouped in two categories; the over committed students who are involved in every sport and extracurricular activity offered in a 50 mile radius, and the typical student who comes home and vegges on TV and the internet who occasionally peeks their head out to eat or briefly interact with other members of the household when forced.  In the midst of all this, whether your child is involved in what is perceived as constructive or wasteful is there enough time being devoted to what truly matters? Do kids get enough time with their parents? Is there enough time devoted to relationship building in the home amongst family?

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Posted on by Tori

My first year of college, I did what most college kids do – I put on a few pounds. By no means did I gain the “Freshman 15” (although I probably had by sophomore year), but I was definitely a few pounds heavier. I remember coming home over Thanksgiving to spend time with my family. I was wearing a big baggy sweater and a pair of jeans. As we were preparing the meal for the day, my mother had me running to and fro, cleaning things, organizing the house, etc. At one point she asked me to reach to the top of a shelf to grab a serving bowl or some such thing. As I stretched, my sweater lifted and revealed my waistline. And from behind me I heard my mother say, “Wow, honey! Jeans a bit snug?” I was absolutely horrified. I felt wounded. Twelve years later, I still have not forgotten that moment.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my mother very much. She’s supportive, loving, easy-going. She is, most probably, the best friend I have in the world. But she has always had opinions about beauty and body type. Our family has a very specific build. From when I was very small, I was told I had the “family chin” and “family behind”. I figured these were unattractive things.  I was also told that I would never have truly nice legs – they just didn’t “run in the family”. Imagine my surprise and my complete delight when, once we were happily married, my husband told me he loved my legs and my rear end.

I found an article today that I want to share with you. It interested me because in less than 2 months my husband and I will be joined by our first baby girl. I constantly wonder what it will be like to have a daughter. It also called to mind all of the above memories and comments I shared. This article talks about the necessity of mothers having a healthy body image, so that they can communicate that to their daughters. It also talks about letting your daughter be an individual, and what a struggle that can be. Check out the full text here: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/30457264/

Happy New Year

Posted on by Tori

Hello Parents,

 In honor of the New Year, I thought I’d post a few resolutions: “Ten Parenting New Year’s Resolutions.” Click the link to check the article. We work with tweens and teens at W4YM, but we like to encourage parents to work with and enjoy their kids while they are young, too. Not all these resolutions pertain to parents of teens – some are for elementary age kids – but they are all helpful. I especially like numbers 1-3, and 4, when I read it, had me laughing out loud.

Don’t feel like you have to strive for all ten! Pick one or two. And enjoy!

Posted on by Tori

There’s an  article all over the web this week. It’s titled, Students Cheat, Steal, But Say They’re Good. I know it doesn’t have a very encouraging ring to it. But I read it, and I wonder what you think, parents.

Consider this excerpt from the first paragraph. “In the past year, 30% of U.S. high school students have stolen from a store and 64% have cheated on a test, according to a new, large-scale survey suggesting that Americans are too apathetic about ethical standards.” Later on, the article states, “93% of the students said they were satisfied with their personal ethics and character, and 77% affirmed that “when it comes to doing what is right, I am better than most people I know.”

I am bothered by these statistics. It makes me wonder what sort of behaviors and people are teenagers comparing themselves to? Just what activities are the “people they know” engaged in? This ought to tell us there is something seriously amiss in our teenagers thinking processes.

It also made me question myself – Have I cheated in some way recently? (Obviously not on a test, but in some other way?) When was the last time I lied, or stole something? (Time at work can count!) And am I satisfied with my own ethics? What sort of example am I giving to the teenagers in my own life?

Parents, how do you feel about this issue?

4A’s of Effective Parenting

Posted on by Tori

It’s funny to me how I never tire of hearing the words, “I love you.” I’m an auditory person – I love verbal praise and encouragement. I may know I have done something well, but I love it when those nearest and dearest to me confirm it to me in a very specific way.

That said, today, parents, I thought I’d post a page from our Parenting Abstinent Teens presentation. It’s concise, and although I’m sure many of you know the common sense of the advice, it’s a good reminder.

  • Affection: “I love you.”
  • Affirmation: “You are valuable.”
  • Advice: “Let me share with you.”
  • Accountability: “What happened?”

Teens need all four of these areas of their lives addressed. Don’t be afraid to speak out, parents. Feel like they’re rebelling? They still need to know of your love. Do they seem egotistical? Share with them what their real value is. Think they’re overly independent? See our earlier post (Brains & Beauty) on sharing wisdom. Remember that all kids need boundaries. State them clearly. Hold your teen accountable to his or her actions. Believe it or not, they actually prefer the freedom to move within a limit, over no boundaries at all.

Redefine Quality Time

Posted on by Tori

Hello Parents.

As I began thinking about a new post for this week, I noticed that of the ten facts cited last week from FamilyFacts.org, mothers were mentioned specifically 4 times, and fathers only once. You are important, dads; sorry if we made you feel overlooked. Here’s something to prove it.

And lest our readers feel they are being insulted for not spending enough time with their kids, let me encourage you. We at W4YM know you are doing the best that you can. We simply want to encourage you to keep at it. Simple things and moments matter.

Case in point: One of my favorite memories with my father is of a shopping trip we took to a local discount warehouse. I was 13. My parents had divorced, and I was spending a Saturday with my father. He had some grocery shopping to do. So, we hopped in the car, ran to a local grocery store and bought green apples, peanuts, and Cokes. Munching our goodies en route, we drove on to the warehouse, where we spent the afternoon eating every possible sample offered us (trying for seconds and thirds when we could!), and eyeing all the fun toys and silly gadgets we couldn’t rationalize buying. My dad talked with me, laughed at my jokes, and bought me a candy bar before we left the store. Maybe there was something in the chocolate but, almost 20 years later, I can still pinpoint that day in my mind.

And I am not so old that I think a 13-year-old today wouldn’t enjoy something similar. Don’t think you have to do something amazing to entertain them. Like my dad did, grab a snack, take those moments, and make them count.

CASA study supports family dinners

Posted on by Tori

In light of last week’s blog, there is an interesting report from the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University. The report, published in September, shows that the more frequently a family eats together, the less likely the children are to become involved with drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. You can download a free copy of the report from CASA’s website.