Lying, Cheating and Stealing…it’s What Teens Do

Posted on by Tori

A recent study showing an uptick in honesty among American teens prompted the founder of the organization conducting the study, Michael Josephson, to say “I think we have turned the corner.”

From 2010 to 2012, the changes include:

  • Stealing, down to 20% from 27%
  • Lying to a teacher, down to 55% from 61%
  • Cheating on an exam, down to 51% from 59%
  • Lying to parents about something significant, down to 76% from 80%

The percent of teens still, shall we say, “deficient” in character, is troubling.  It makes you wonder what you don’t know, doesn’t it?  Indeed, Josephson commented, “It’s a small ray of sunshine shining through lots of dark clouds.”

Mom and Dad…let’s not grow weary in educating our children to be young men and women of integrity.  We’ve clearly got a lot of work to do!  We CAN have hope that we can make a difference–Josephson attributed some of this significant uptick in teen integrity to parents who are increasingly concerned with teaching their children that honesty is important.   

Distracted Teens Slow to Finish Tasks

Posted on by Tori

Students tend to think they’re good at doing multiple things at the same time.  Truth be told, some of us adults are also deluded into thinking we are great at multitasking as well!  But a study from the National Academy of Sciences showed that multitaskers understand less of what they’re doing, and the next day they aren’t able to remember what they learned while multitasking. The article by Commonsense Media discussing this research helps parents determine if their children are being negatively affected by multitasking, and provides tips for managing multitasking among kids of all ages. Commonsense Media’s article suggests that parents:

  • Encourage your kids to read more. Reading helps strengthen the brain’s ability to focus. The more people read, the better they become at reflection and analysis.
  • Start good habits early. Establish boundaries when your kids are young. No TV, Facebook, YouTube, IM, texting or other digital distractions during homework.
  • Model what you preach. This means no checking your phone while asking your kids how their days were.
  • Keep distractions to a minimum. Try to help your kids do one thing at a time. Granted, this is easier with younger kids. Consider putting the TV and computer in separate rooms. For older kids, make sure social networks and chatting happen after homework is completed — or at timed intervals.
  • Pay attention and connect the dots. If you see your kids’ grades slipping, make the connection between listening to a favorite band and doing algebra homework. If your children begin handing in work late or if they are staying up too late to complete homework, consider turning off the Internet, the cell phone, and the TV, and see if the situation reverses itself. The grades will tell if multitasking is taking its toll.

Is There Still a Double Standard?

Posted on by Tori

Not as much as there used to be, according to an American Sociological Association study of college students who were asked their opinions about peers who hook up “too much.”  They judged females and males about equally negatively.  So the “boys will be boys” excuse no longer holds sway with older teens and 20-somethings.

What about younger teens?  The responses my students in middle and high schools give when asked about the social standing of boys and girls who are known to be having sex (teens talk), appear at first to support the double standard.  For the most part, they agree that for a boy, at least in the eyes of the other guys, his social status goes up, while girls are called ugly names when they are known to have had sex.  What I help the guys see, however, is that while their “rep” as a player may get them high-fives from their buddies, the girls most definitely are disgusted by their behavior.

The ASA study shows that the hookup culture, while alive and thriving on college campuses, is being revealed as a negative trend, and at least by the time teens have observed or experienced “too much” promiscuity, they are left soured by the experience.  Let’s hope our sons and daughters are apt observers of their peers, and decide they don’t need to learn the hard way, but instead choose abstinence…and a good reputation.

Fathers’ Attitudes and Teen Sex

Posted on by Tori

Until recently, most studies focused on how mothers affect teens’ decisions about sex.  But now, a researcher at New York University confirms what we might suspect…that dads make a difference too.   An October 22 article in the Washington Post reported on the results of a study with this conclusion:   “A new review of studies suggests that fathers’ attitudes toward teen sex and their relationships with their teens can substantially influence their teens’ sexual behavior, separately from the influence of mothers. The review demonstrated that fathers’ attitudes toward teen sexual behavior were linked to the age at which teens first had sex. According to studies included in the review, those teens whose dads approved of adolescent sexual activity tended to begin sexual activity earlier than those teens whose dads did not approve. An additional finding was that teens that were closer to their fathers tended to start having sex later.”

For my female readers, consider forwarding this on to the men you know who can be encouraged with the news that they CAN make a difference for the better in the lives of their children.

Dating Gone Bad

Posted on by Tori

Just today, I asked a class of junior high students to stand up if they either knew someone who had dated a jerk, or had dated a jerk themselves.  EVERY student stood up.  By the time we see kids at the end of high school, there are a lot of cynical, bitter young men and women who don’t hold out much hope for finding someone kind and respectful to date.  So how can you help your teens recognize bad behavior…before they get themselves deep into a relationship?

From loveisrespect.org, the “Power Wheel”  provides an amazing and powerful tool you can use to help your son or daughter recognize various examples of bad behavior in relationships.  Each segment of the wheel has a video you can click on, where teens act out a story line which illustrates various abuses of power (such as intimidation, controlling behavior, isolation and exclusion, jealousy, etc.).  This could be especially helpful if you suspect your teen or a teen you know might be in an abusive or controlling relationship, or might be heading toward BEING that controlling, abusive dating partner.  Watching the videos together, and discussing them, would be a great talking tool as you prepare your teen to insist on and expect respect in his or her current or future relationships.

Free showing of documentary, Miss Representation, May 8

Posted on by Tori

A documentary has been getting a lot of buzz, and hits on some very important topics for parents to consider.  Miss Representation is an award-winning film (shown on the Oprah Network last October) that looks at the portrayal of females in media, and how it affects not just girls and women, but boys and men as well.  This important documentary is being shown free to the public at Glenbard West High School Tuesday, May 8 from 6:30-8:30 p.m., followed by a discussion with the film’s director, Jennifer Siebel Newsom.  The film’s website says, “In a society where media is the most persuasive force shaping cultural norms, the collective message that our young women and men overwhelmingly receive is that a woman’s value and power lie in her youth, beauty, and sexuality, and not in her capacity as a leader. ”  Click HERE to see an 8-minute trailer for the movie, or HERE for a shorter one.  WARNING:  There are some graphic images of partially clad women in these trailers in sexual situations.  If you try to keep your eyes from these kinds of images, you should perhaps NOT watch the trailers or the  movie.   The message in the movie is mixed in with a particular political stance that you may or may not agree with, but the focus on media and its portrayal of women is undeniably powerful and important…and could lead to some good discussion.  I would consider especially taking daughters to this movie.

Prom Insanity

Posted on by Tori

USA Today, in an article out last month, reports that teens (or is it parents) are now spending between $1000 and $2000 on going to the prom.  Am I alone in thinking this is insane?  OK, so I’m someone who has never had a professional manicure or pedicure, has never set foot in a spa, and got my wedding dress off the clearance rack.  I am probably more shocked by prom-gone-wild than the average parent.  But I wonder, are these expectations reasonable in this economic environment?  And are we setting up our teens to expect all the luxuries they want throughout life without consideration for the costs?  Worse, if a young man (or young woman I suppose) is spending so much for one night, is he going to expect to “cash in” with a romp at the hotel?  Just today I heard the story of a woman who recounted the first time she had sex.  Junior Prom.  It was the price she had to pay to get her older boyfriend, who didn’t want to hang out with high schoolers, to go.  She called it “prostituting” herself, but used rougher words  So sad.

Parents, it’s time to have a sober talk about expectations for prom.  It can be fun, focus on friendships, and leave no regrets.  Or…it can be quite different. Let’s ratchet down the expectations.  This is not their wedding night, and it’s not the pinnacle of life from which everything from here on out goes downhill.

A Role Model for Our Kids’ Generation

Posted on by Tori

My daughter told me today that everyone is talking (and Twittering too apparently) about a certain popular sports hero.  Is he the real deal?  Some cynically expect a fall, sooner or later.  In a world full of heroes, most of whom have indeed fallen off their pedestals (think Tiger Woods, or Miley Cyrus), is there anyone we can point our youth to as a person of character to emulate?  Tim Tebow, Denver Broncos’ star quarterback, appears to be a public figure who has the maturity and strength to be who he is, even when ridiculed.  He stands pretty boldly for his values, including his commitment to abstinence.  If your son (or daughter) is looking for a mature role model, steer them toward Tim Tebow, who answered a reporter’s question (see this YouTube link), “Are you saving yourself for marriage,” with a clear “Yes.”  He acknowledged how “shocking” this was, but seemed to be quite comfortable in his skin, as he publicly made a stand for abstinence.  May our children have the courage to make good choices, without embarrassment, like Tim Tebow.

Can teens multitask?

Posted on by Tori

You would think, the way that they juggle cell phones, internet and TV…all while doing homework, that the answer would be “Yes.”  But if you were wondering how it is that they can’t both clear the dishes AND remember to take the laundry up the stairs (while walking right around the basket), you might say “No.”

The actual answer is closer to “No,” but it really depends on your son’ or daughter’s age.  An interesting study, linked right here, sheds some light on what’s going on in teen brain development, and when we can expect things to get better.  The article says, “The ability to remember multiple bits of information developed through age 13 to 15, the study found. But strategic self-organized thinking, the type that demands a high level of multi-tasking skill, continues to develop until ages 16 to 17.”  No answers, though, on how to manage parental frustration while we are waiting!

Parents Who Encourage Teens to Have Sex at Home

Posted on by Tori

Oh, please!  Really? Parents who invite their teens to “do it” at home so they can be “safer”?

When I read an article about a parent who appeared on Good Morning America in June to extol the benefits of allowing her 17-year-old daughter to have sex with her boyfriend at home, I had to shake my head.  Her reasoning included the fact that it was “clean” and there were condoms in the bedside table drawer.

We’ve known for years that teens who think their parents disapprove of sexual activity are more likely to choose abstinence.  It was telling that two teens invited to be panelists on the show had serious misgivings about the idea:  “If your boyfriend knows or whoever knows that there is a perfectly open available house I think that takes away one of your big excuses,” Kelly Lund, 17, said.  Grace McVey added, “You’re like, ‘No, I can’t. My parents would kill me.’  But if that whole thing is gone, like, what do you say?”

It is sad when parents not only fail to protect their teens, but instead are giving a push toward risky behavior (both emotionally and physically) that some young people secretly may not even want.