Is There Still a Double Standard?

Posted on by Tori

Not as much as there used to be, according to an American Sociological Association study of college students who were asked their opinions about peers who hook up “too much.”  They judged females and males about equally negatively.  So the “boys will be boys” excuse no longer holds sway with older teens and 20-somethings.

What about younger teens?  The responses my students in middle and high schools give when asked about the social standing of boys and girls who are known to be having sex (teens talk), appear at first to support the double standard.  For the most part, they agree that for a boy, at least in the eyes of the other guys, his social status goes up, while girls are called ugly names when they are known to have had sex.  What I help the guys see, however, is that while their “rep” as a player may get them high-fives from their buddies, the girls most definitely are disgusted by their behavior.

The ASA study shows that the hookup culture, while alive and thriving on college campuses, is being revealed as a negative trend, and at least by the time teens have observed or experienced “too much” promiscuity, they are left soured by the experience.  Let’s hope our sons and daughters are apt observers of their peers, and decide they don’t need to learn the hard way, but instead choose abstinence…and a good reputation.

Who, me? I can’t get pregnant!

Posted on by Tori

Despite all that our schools have done in educating teens, apparently girls (and women) are still deluded when it comes to their perception of their own fertility.  A recent study revealed that over a third of those who didn’t use contraception (36%) said they did not think they could get pregnant!  Is it any wonder that nearly 4 out of 5 births to teens are unplanned?  Let’s keep this in mind the next time an unplanned pregnancy is discussed on TV, or a teen pregnancy happens in school or in the neighborhood.  It’s a good time to point out to your son or daughter that a lot of people who don’t think it will happen to them find themselves in a really tough spot.  And why not follow up that comment with a reminder that the only 100% guaranteed method of birth control for teens is to remain abstinent until marriage.

Teens Empowered

Posted on by Tori

Move over Lady Gaga; hello Gabby Douglas and Jordyn Wieber.  As reported on E! News From London, “According to the IOC, NBC’s ratings for the London Olympics among teenage girls is a whopping 89 percent higher than those for Fox’s smash hit Glee. ‘The younger demographic has come back,’ IOC marketing director Timo Lumme said in a press conference Tuesday. ‘Teenage girl viewership is up 54 percent.'”

In an age when media role models are appallingly scarce (at least good ones), it’s heartening to know that girls have athletes to look up to.  These are strong, fit, girls with character, who also have handled disappointment (in Jordyn’s case) with class and grace, and success (in Gaby’s case) with humility and thankfulness.  I’ll bet, behind each young woman or young man, is a mom and/or dad who encouraged and supported their child to dream, and to achieve.  Let’s remember that even if our son or daughter isn’t destined to be an all-star athlete, we can be their best cheerleaders as they move through adolescence into adulthood, becoming the people we know they can be.

Free showing of documentary, Miss Representation, May 8

Posted on by Tori

A documentary has been getting a lot of buzz, and hits on some very important topics for parents to consider.  Miss Representation is an award-winning film (shown on the Oprah Network last October) that looks at the portrayal of females in media, and how it affects not just girls and women, but boys and men as well.  This important documentary is being shown free to the public at Glenbard West High School Tuesday, May 8 from 6:30-8:30 p.m., followed by a discussion with the film’s director, Jennifer Siebel Newsom.  The film’s website says, “In a society where media is the most persuasive force shaping cultural norms, the collective message that our young women and men overwhelmingly receive is that a woman’s value and power lie in her youth, beauty, and sexuality, and not in her capacity as a leader. ”  Click HERE to see an 8-minute trailer for the movie, or HERE for a shorter one.  WARNING:  There are some graphic images of partially clad women in these trailers in sexual situations.  If you try to keep your eyes from these kinds of images, you should perhaps NOT watch the trailers or the  movie.   The message in the movie is mixed in with a particular political stance that you may or may not agree with, but the focus on media and its portrayal of women is undeniably powerful and important…and could lead to some good discussion.  I would consider especially taking daughters to this movie.

Lesser Known Eating Disorders to Watch For

Posted on by Tori

Anorexia and Bulimia.  That’s it, right?  I remember when we first started talking about these disorders.  It was when I was in college.  Two girls came to me (a senior in the dorm) and told me their concern that their roommate had bulimia (she did).  Fast forward to today and we find that there are many people (still mostly young women) who don’t fit the old categories of bulimia and anorexia, but still have a distorted relationship with food, and a poor body image.   These disorders are described in a Today (MSNBC) article, and include such things as an addiction to exercise, binge eating, and even an obsession with health or “righteous” eating which can actually lead to malnourishment.  We need to know how to help our children when they get sucked into an unhealthy eating pattern, but first we need to be able to see the truth of what our teen is dealing with.  Being aware of these other eating disorders is a start.

Talking About Sex: How Girls Handle the Conversation

Posted on by Tori

Unlike boys, who tend to joke around when a parent tries to broach the topic of sex, girls tend to take the topic more seriously, according to a study we began to learn about last week.  This apparently leads to one of two reactions:  extreme anxiety and avoidance of the topic altogether, or openness and a high level of comfort in talking to a parent about sex.  Avoidance is especially likely when girls feel their mothers are adopting a moralistic “instructive” tone, rather than sharing information in a factual way.

So if we happen to make it past the first sentence or two…what about these conversations we are having with our daughters?  Well, according to one study, 33% of important sexual topics or not being discussed with daughters.  While that reflects significant gaps in our communication, the same study showed 75% of these topics were not being discussed with adolescent sons…an even worse track record.  We seem to be covering more topics with girls, while the study found that discussions with sons tended to focus on “scare tactics,” such as discussion of STDs and pregnancy.

Parents, lets continue to talk with our daughters about sex, keep the tone calm and factual, and try to include more discussion about relational aspects of sexual activity with our sons.  Next week’s blog will discuss what this fascinating study had to say about how to set the stage for a more comfortable talk that will trigger less avoidance and awkwardness on the part of our teens.

Fight, Jane. Fight.

Posted on by Tori

I found a great article today from the Fuller Youth Institute that talks about teenage girls and body image. Here’s an excerpt:

“‘See Jane Try to Be More Sexy

New Research

The Damage Done. Those of us who care about girls have intuitively sensed that the pressure to be “sexy” damages the way they view themselves and others. A 2007 report by the American Psychological Association (APA) spells out the destruction more explicitly. Whether it’s a five year-old girl walking through a shopping mall in a short T-shirt that says “Juicy”, or a magazine article that virtually promises teenage girls that losing 10 pounds will get them the boyfriend…'”

The article talks directly to parents about what we can do to help “Jane” fight back against these pressures. Check out the complete article here.

Friends with benefits for whom?

Posted on by Tori

An astute parent will already be familiar with the term “friend with benefits.” Being friends with benefits means sharing either a short- or long-term “agreement” to be physically intimate but to withhold any deeper social or emotional connection or commitment. The tamest version would be a “cuddle buddy”: that person you go to when you’re in the mood for affection, but you don’t want to have to go on a date with them later that weekend. You smile, you spoon, everyone goes home happy.

A friend with benefits can also be someone (a warm body) used for physical pleasure or sexual release – by mutual agreement, mind you – but with the additional agreement that, “We’re just friends. We don’t go on dates, we’re not exclusive. We are friends who are there to do favors for each other, the way friends do, but I wouldn’t tell you any more about my hopes and dreams than I would the guy I study with in homeroom.”

Sound weird? Or does it does it sound ideal? Sexual release is pleasant, and if we can just agree on its terms, why not both enjoy it? You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.

If you can’t spot the major pitfalls yourself, let me just point out that “in a study of 6,500 sexually active adolescents, sexually active teenage girls were more than three times more likely to be depressed, and nearly three times as likely to have had a suicide attempt, than girls who were not sexually active.”*