What makes a teen want to be abstinent?

A study done in 2001 that followed 1,112 teens over a period of four years, found out some interesting things about teens and sex.

  • the majority of abstinent teens said they were virgins because they were afraid of getting a disease or getting pregnant rather than because of conservative or religious philosophies against having sex before marriage;
  • rural teens were not more likely to be abstinent that urban teens; and
  • compared to sexually active teens, abstinent teens could list more reasons why virginity was important.

I have a few thoughts about these findings.  First, while we don’t want to rely on fear alone to keep our kids abstinent, maybe the dad who told me about sitting down with his son and showing him pictures of STD infections on the internet was on to something.  With 1 in 4 sexually active teens getting an STD, might a little fear be a useful tool?  Second, we shouldn’t be naive and think that it’s only those city kids, not our nice suburban kids, who are having sex.  Third, we need to make sure our kids are well-versed in the many reasons why abstinence is a good choice.  Why not sit down and brainstorm reasons with your teen?  They may get it that pregnancy and STDs are not a good thing, but have they thought about how choosing abstinence can foster self-control and self-respect?  How a relationship can grow stronger when love is expressed creatively in other ways?  One of our educators used to draw a line up on the board and have the students come up with Pros and Cons.  I can imagine a conversation that goes something like this:  “Honey, with all the pressures teens are facing these days, some of your friends are going to become sexually active, and maybe even pressure you to “do it” too.  I’ve seen you make so many great choices, and I know you can make healthy decisions in this area too.  But it’s tough to stand up for yourself if you haven’t thought through what you believe and what you’re going to say ahead of time.  I thought maybe we could do a Pro/Con list on the question of whether or not teens should have sex.”

Is oral sex sex? Teens’ attitudes put them at risk.

Our Amplify educators often ask students what exactly they think we’re talking about when we talk about sex.  Often, there is debate.  You see, teens typically don’t think that oral sex “counts.”   A 2007 survey of college students indicated that while 98% consider vaginal intercourse to be sex, only 20% believe the same about oral-genital contact.  In 1991, about twice as many people believed oral sex was indeed “having sex.”  Of course, our  generation remembers President Clinton’s 1998 “I did not have sex with that woman” testimony, so it’s not just teens who have trouble with this concept!

So, is this just semantics?  The study concluded that students’ perceptions “may leave them unmindful of its potential health risks.”  It suggested that “Sex education programs, which generally focus on penile-vaginal contact, could help STD prevention efforts by explaining the risks associated with oral-genital stimulation….”  Since oral sex can spread a majority of the most common STDs (HPV, herpes, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, and HIV to name a few), Amplify makes sure that young people understand these very real risks.  Knowing these facts, you, as a parent, can emphasize that abstinence is the healthiest choice if they want to avoid ALL kinds of risky sexual behaviors…oral sex included.

Can’t imagine bringing up oral sex with your teen?  If they are older than 13, they probably already know about it.  How about something like this?  “Gosh, I just read this disturbing article about something risky that teens are doing, and they have no idea what they’re getting into. You know how we’ve talked about sex before…well I hope you understand that even the ‘base’ that comes before ‘home’ put teens at risk for STDs.”  Chances are they’ll know what you’re talking about, without the actually having to say “Oral Sex.”  You could be slightly bolder and simply say:  “I know you wouldn’t do this, but I hope your friends know that mouths spread STDs too….”  Of course, if you are the fearless type, you can just jump right in and say it, and when they look squeamish you can say…”What?!….It’s important, so let’s just get over the fact that I said it, OK?”

A Healthy Future

It’s official, a new year has begun. 2010 sounds so futuristic. With that I would like to introduce our new abstinence laser gun. One zap is guaranteed to keep your teen abstinent until marriage or your money back! Wow… I wish it was that simple although we do have a team of scientists working on it ( we will keep you posted!).

So going back to the basics here…. Maybe some readers are not exactly sure who we are and what we stand for. We are an abstinence only – sex and healthy relationships program. We believe that abstinence until marriage is the safest and healthiest option. Why? Well here are just a few examples.

  • Abstinence is free and available to all.
  • Abstinence is extremely effective at preventing both infection and pregnancy. It is the only 100% effective method of preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unintended pregnancy.
  • Abstinence can be practiced at any time in one’s life.
  • Abstinence may encourage people to build relationships in other ways.
  • Abstinence helps teens gain a new value and respect for marriage.

With all the dangers out in the world today, we want to offer our teens the best options that will secure them a healthy future. This also comes with a better understanding of the other topics that support the message of abstinence. Next week we will go over the supporting topics and why they are important to the message of abstinence.

Teenage sexual health, not so healthy…


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By Steven Reinberg
HealthDay Reporter

MONDAY, Nov. 23 (HealthDay News) — As many as one in four U.S. teenage girls have had a sexually transmitted disease (STD), many were infected soon after their first sexual encounter, a new government report shows.

“Sexual health is an important part of the overall health and well-being of teenagers, for too long, we as a nation have been far too squeamish about sexual health issues for teens, but we owe it to our kids to get over it.”   Dr. Sami L. Gottlieb

 

A friend of mine passed this article along and I thought I would share it as well. It’s interesting to see that as big of a problem this is that they suggest some band-aids to the issue(vaccines or comprehensive sex ad.). Why not just suggest more education on abstinence? To read more of the article written click the link below.

http://health.usnews.com/articles/health/healthday/2009/11/23/one-in-four-teen-girls-have-stds.html

 

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http://amplifyyouthdevelopment.com/

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Parents Speak Up

After talking with some students today, it really hit me. Kids want to talk to there parents about sex. But do parents want to talk to their kids about sex? Sure you do! The question is “how”. It is a big step and a very rewarding one to take. www.4parents.gov is a site for you to use as a resource from the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services. It has a lot of helpful tips and plenty of solid information for you to get the conversation started.  

Now there is one more thing here. Once you get the conversation started, Don’t Stop! It’s not just having “the talk”. It’s talking, a lot. Hopefully through your new conversations you will begin to experience a new intimacy with your kids that will grow and strengthen your relationship to a new level!

Be a Voice for Abstinence Education

Parents,

 Just a quick note today. Many times we get comments from parents about how much they value our program. They wonder what they can do to encourage or help our organization. NOW is a very important time to make your voice heard!

If your experience with our program has been strengthening and encouraging to you and your teenager, or if you are grateful we have a voice in the schools, please consider letting your representative know and especially our Governor—Pat Quinn. You can Contact the Governor at: 207 Statehouse, Springfield, IL, 62706, phone: 217-782-6830; Chicago, 312-814-2121 or e-mail governor@state.il.us.

We recommend calling first, and then following up with a phone call. Brief is good – let them know how you appreciate the abstinence education movement in DuPage County (and in the US).

And again, parents, thank you for all your support of the Wait For Your Mate Program!

“Abstinence-centric” Education?

Yesterday I was teaching at a local high school. After the last class period, the health teacher walked up to me and handed me an article from the Chicago Sun Times. “Illinois could set tone for sex ed nationwide”, blared the headline. So, I read. Parents, you should read it here, too.

This article makes me upset for a variety of reasons. The most frustrating paragraph is the following: “In the place of ineffective abstinence-only sex education, we need comprehensive abstinence-centric sex education. What’s the difference? The former only preaches the need to wait. The latter also encourages teens to wait, but additionally teaches them how to negotiate condom use and how to practice safer sex, along with illustrating the realities of STDs and pregnancy. There’s a big difference in scare tactics and education — one is effective, and one isn’t.”

This paragraph makes me think this woman has never seen actually seen an abstinence-until-marriage program executed well. Yes, ATM (Abstinence-til-Marraige) education teaches students the need to wait. But I know of no ATM program that uses “scare tactics” to shock their listeners. Futhermore, although we do not explicitly show students how to use contraceptives, good ATM programs do alert them to the risks of STDs and pregnancy. They also report the failure rate of contraceptives. Consider the following:

1/4 sexually active teens contracts an STD. Condoms do reduce the risk of STDs transmitted by bodily fluid. They do not, however, protect as well against diseases passed by skin to skin contact. The HPV vaccine protects against 4 of the 100 strains of the virus. The yearly rate of pregnancy with perfect condom use is 16+/100 females. Actual use jumps up to closer to 30%. Teenagers who choose to be sexually active often suffer depression, and even suicidal feelings – boys more so than girls.

W4YM gives these statistics in order to encourage the message of waiting. Because we believe it is best, and we believe they can. We know many people who have.

Amd this is perhaps what bothers me most. The question that lingers in my mind is, “What happened to the concept of self control? Why do we insist on believing that, with our help, our teenagers cannot be self-controlled enough to choose abstinence before marriage?” ATM education believes in teens’ ability to control their desires. They believe teens to be smart, empowered, and able. They want to encourage them to healthy living – not just give it lip service. Telling a teenager, “You should wait, but you probably won’t be able to, so do it safely. Here’s a condom,” not only sends them a contradictory message, it undermines their belief in their own strength of character. This is harmful to their psychological growth and development.

Dr. Berman’s idea of sex education in essence says, “No, you can’t. This might protect you. Good luck.” Abstinence-until-marriage education says, “Yes, you can. And I will help you.”

*If you’re curious about the statistics above, check out the Center for Disease Control, Stan Weed’s testimony before the House of Representatives, and the CASA teen survey from 2004.

**If you are curious to find out more about Dr. Berman’s philosophy towards sex, see her website . Please note that her site does not reflect the opinions or beliefs of W4YM.