Parents Speak Up

Posted on by Tori

After talking with some students today, it really hit me. Kids want to talk to there parents about sex. But do parents want to talk to their kids about sex? Sure you do! The question is “how”. It is a big step and a very rewarding one to take. www.4parents.gov is a site for you to use as a resource from the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services. It has a lot of helpful tips and plenty of solid information for you to get the conversation started.  

Now there is one more thing here. Once you get the conversation started, Don’t Stop! It’s not just having “the talk”. It’s talking, a lot. Hopefully through your new conversations you will begin to experience a new intimacy with your kids that will grow and strengthen your relationship to a new level!

“Abstinence-centric” Education?

Posted on by Tori

Yesterday I was teaching at a local high school. After the last class period, the health teacher walked up to me and handed me an article from the Chicago Sun Times. “Illinois could set tone for sex ed nationwide”, blared the headline. So, I read. Parents, you should read it here, too.

This article makes me upset for a variety of reasons. The most frustrating paragraph is the following: “In the place of ineffective abstinence-only sex education, we need comprehensive abstinence-centric sex education. What’s the difference? The former only preaches the need to wait. The latter also encourages teens to wait, but additionally teaches them how to negotiate condom use and how to practice safer sex, along with illustrating the realities of STDs and pregnancy. There’s a big difference in scare tactics and education — one is effective, and one isn’t.”

This paragraph makes me think this woman has never seen actually seen an abstinence-until-marriage program executed well. Yes, ATM (Abstinence-til-Marraige) education teaches students the need to wait. But I know of no ATM program that uses “scare tactics” to shock their listeners. Futhermore, although we do not explicitly show students how to use contraceptives, good ATM programs do alert them to the risks of STDs and pregnancy. They also report the failure rate of contraceptives. Consider the following:

1/4 sexually active teens contracts an STD. Condoms do reduce the risk of STDs transmitted by bodily fluid. They do not, however, protect as well against diseases passed by skin to skin contact. The HPV vaccine protects against 4 of the 100 strains of the virus. The yearly rate of pregnancy with perfect condom use is 16+/100 females. Actual use jumps up to closer to 30%. Teenagers who choose to be sexually active often suffer depression, and even suicidal feelings – boys more so than girls.

W4YM gives these statistics in order to encourage the message of waiting. Because we believe it is best, and we believe they can. We know many people who have.

Amd this is perhaps what bothers me most. The question that lingers in my mind is, “What happened to the concept of self control? Why do we insist on believing that, with our help, our teenagers cannot be self-controlled enough to choose abstinence before marriage?” ATM education believes in teens’ ability to control their desires. They believe teens to be smart, empowered, and able. They want to encourage them to healthy living – not just give it lip service. Telling a teenager, “You should wait, but you probably won’t be able to, so do it safely. Here’s a condom,” not only sends them a contradictory message, it undermines their belief in their own strength of character. This is harmful to their psychological growth and development.

Dr. Berman’s idea of sex education in essence says, “No, you can’t. This might protect you. Good luck.” Abstinence-until-marriage education says, “Yes, you can. And I will help you.”

*If you’re curious about the statistics above, check out the Center for Disease Control, Stan Weed’s testimony before the House of Representatives, and the CASA teen survey from 2004.

**If you are curious to find out more about Dr. Berman’s philosophy towards sex, see her website . Please note that her site does not reflect the opinions or beliefs of W4YM.

Parents, Talk, & TV

Posted on by Tori

I received this information from a friend who receives information from The Heritage Foundation. The study below will link you to another site called www.familyfacts.org. Check it out for real, scientific, up-to-date information on youth culture.

Parents & Teen Sex

1. Delayed sexual behavior. Youths who report higher quality relationships with their mothers and who feel their mothers highly disapprove of their having sex are more likely to delay sexual activity. full details 

2. Reduction in teen pregnancy. Adolescent girls who feel that their mothers highly disapprove of their having sex and say that they had a very good relationship with their mothers are less likely than other peers to become pregnant. full details

3. Reduction in number of sexual partners.  On average, youths who feel that their mothers hold more liberal views on teen sexual activity have more sexual partners than peers who believe their mothers hold less liberal views on teen sex. full details

4. Youth sexual activity.  Teen girls who say they have a close relationship with their fathers are less likely to become sexually active. full details

5. Youth abstinence.  Adolescents whose parents discuss what is right and wrong in sexual behavior are more likely to remain abstinent than peers who do not have such talks with their parents.  full details  

6. Parent/child discussions.  In spite of peers’ behavior that would encourage sexual activity, adolescents who engage in discussions with their parents about sex are less likely to be sexually active or have fewer partners than youth who do not have such talks with their parents. full details  

7. Delayed sexual behavior. Adolescent girls whose mothers communicate with their friends’ parents tend to become sexually active at a later age. full details

8. Risky behavior.  Teens who are closely monitored by their parents are less likely to take risks regarding sexual behavior. full details  

9. Parental rules.  Adolescents whose parents set clear rules are less likely to have had sexual intercourse than peers whose parents did not. full details 

10. Setting limits.  Teens whose parents set limits on their television viewing or watch television with them are less likely to initiate sexual activity. full details

What’s the difference?

Posted on by Tori

Due to the diverse (and political) media coverage of sex ed in our schools, it is easy to be confused about who actually teaches what. For instance, proponents of so-called “comprehensive” sex ed tout it as medically-accurate, as if it were the only medically-accurate education out there. In reality, both programs teaching contraception and those teaching abstinence until marriage include helpful, medically-accurate information on teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

So what’s the difference? The difference lies in each program’s core beliefs about teenagers and sexuality. Programs claiming to be comprehensive do so because they discuss contraception in depth in addition to mentioning the “option” to abstain. Their core belief, however, is that being sexually active is a part of growing up. Programs teaching abstinence until marriage discuss the broader scope of sexuality and give information about how sex affects a person mentally as well as physically, also providing character education to help students do the safest thing: wait until marriage.

Here are some examples of the differences:

  • From Be Proud! Be Responsible!: “Once you and a partner agree to use condoms, do something positive and fun. Go to the store together. Buy lots of different brands and colors. Plan a special day when you can experiment. Just talking about how you’ll use all of those condoms can be a turn on.” “Showering together is a green light (no risk) activity.”
  • Wait 4 Your Mate: “Imagine this: you know that remaining abstinent is the best choice for you, but when you make out with your boyfriend or girlfriend, it gets hard to remember that. What do you do? Avoid places where you are alone together for long periods of time; plan out your dates, so you aren’t left bored with lots of time on your hands; discuss physical boundaries that will make it easier for you both to reach your goal of remaining abstinent; surround yourself with reminders of why you want to wait (to graduate high school, to have a healthy marriage, to live without risk of STDs or pregnancy, to avoid drama, to be proud of yourself).”

Which option is truly going to lead a teen down a healthy path to a successful life and fulfilling relationships?

Contraceptive failure: user error?

Posted on by Tori

I recently became aware of a statistic from the National Survey of Family Growth. In a study on Contraceptive Failure Rates from the Alan Guttmacher Institute, the data show that about 1 in 5 teenage females using condoms as birth control will become pregnant within the first year of use. That failure rate (20%) is much higher than the clinical tests for condoms, and inconsistent condom use is usually blamed for the high rate.

Interestingly, the failure rate increases significantly for cohabiting couples, even within the same age category. For teenagers (age < 20) who live together and use condoms, 51-71% (depending on socioeconomic status) will become pregnant within the first year.

The jump in unintended pregnancy for those couples living together is startling. These teenagers are receiving the same education about condoms and contraception as their non-cohabiting peers, and are making the same choice to rely on condoms, but the difference in lifestyle choice has a dramatic effect on their ability to avoid teenage pregnancy. Apparently, knowing how and why to use condoms does not reduce unintended pregnancy as significantly as choosing not to cohabit before marriage. This says to me that lifestyle education and encouraging positive lifestyle choices (such as abstinence) is far more beneficial to reducing teenage pregnancy than simply educating teens about condoms.